I need some help

I suck at asking for help.  But I need some help.  I don't know what it is exactly that I need, which makes it that much harder to ask for help... but I need something.

I have been a complete mess since my attempt to see a doctor at the Cleveland Clinic Tuesday when I got lost and missed the appointment and had the worst anxiety attack I've ever had.  First, my back is killing me.  Sitting in one position in the car for over three hours straight did not help it any.  Since then, I've been taking Vicodin much more than I typically take it, and it doesn't help enough.  It takes the edge off, I'd say, but it still hurts.  I am thinking of trying some NSAIDS, because at this point I think an ulcer would hurt less, plus if I get an ulcer, chances are I will be able to get effective treatment for it, so it seems like a better problem to have than this back thing.

But beyond my back hurting like crazy, I have been really anxious and depressed.  I'm not entirely sure what happened, but somehow missing that appointment triggered all kinds of stuff for me.  I keep feeling like I missed the appointment because I'm stupid and therefore I don't derserve to get help for my back.  And the doctor I had been seeing said I shouldn't be in this much pain anyway, so maybe there's really nothing wrong with my back and I just think it hurts because I'm stupid.  And I've been crying a lot and wanting to engage in really unhealthy coping skills and I'm just a real mess.  And I can't seem to straighten myself out.

An easy solution might be to reschedule to appointment and get someone to go with me, except I don't have anyone that can go with me.  And I don't think I can try to go by myself again.  and I don't know what else to do.  I thought of making an appointment with my PCP and begging for something stronger than Vicodin.  And I thought of trying some NSAIDS.

That only addresses my back, not my totally screwed up mental state, of course.  And would only be a temporary solution for my back, too, but at this point I feel like I'll take what I can get.  I also see my therapist Monday, which I obviously need.

Anybody got any words of wisdom for me?

I would re-schedule, use a gps or map to make sure you find your way, that way you can prove to yourself that you were able to make it there, give yourself plenty of time so if you do get a little lost you have extra time to try and find the place. I haven't had surgery yet, but I don't think I would take the NSAIDS, that just doesn't seem like a good choice.

You are doing the right thing by seeing your therapist.  If you can get someone to go with you, reschedule the appointment.  I think that would be best rather than creating more stress by trying to go alone.

My WL surgeon told me last year there is new evidence that RNY patients can use NSAIDS for limited (6 months or less) therapy.  I was going to use an NSAID product for my arthritis.  He said his only caveat was that you must take Prilosec with it.  Call your surgeon-they may be okay with it for the short term.

YOU, my friend, are not stupid, so I hope you can find a way to stop beating yourself up.  You are a treasured resource and great friend to many of us and I doubt you even have a clue how many people you have touched and helped.

Big hugs to you!

My surgeon moved out of state so I can't call her.  But I did talk to her regarding NSAIDS before and her advice was that it's never worth the risk of ulcers.  But she's not the one with this back pain that is so bad walking now hurts.

there isn't anyone to go with me.  My partner started a new job a couple months ago and he doesn't have any time off available yet.  My mother and sister both live three hours away from me, in the opposite direction of Cleveland Clinic.  Plus they both work Monday-Friday.  Now, my mother is planning to come visit for a few days in July.  She could go with me then, if she actually comes (she's not always real reliable).  I really cannot think of a single person that could go with me now.

We really need a "LIKE" button!  I agree with everything you said, especially the part about Kelly being a treasured resource and definitely NOT stupid!!!


Kelly,
You have helped me many times , both directly and indirectly over the last 2 years. I ALWAYS read your posts because I put a great deal of trust in whatever you have to say. Thanks for all you do for all of us, and I'll be praying that things get much better for you real soon.

My surgeon said that when it comes to NSAIDS, we have to weigh the risk versus the benefit in each particular case and decide if it's worth taking the risk to get rid of the pain. He does want us to take Prilosec or other proton pump inhibitor if we choose to take the NSAIDs.

Wish I lived near by, I'd take off work and go with you!

Hugs,
Rhonda

Kelly,

You are not crazy.  You know when you are in pain and obviously you are.  You are a medical person, so I am sure you know that pain can take over your thoughts and make you feel horrible.  I have had back pain and it is no joke. 
I can totally relate to you getting lost going to your appointment also.  It has happened to me many times.  I hate it.

These are my words of wisdom, take them or leave them, but I really want to help you because you have helped so many of us.  Call the doctor's office.  Make another appointment.  Tell them that you are very, very unfamiliar with the area and need explicit directions to their office.  You need street names and miles etc.  You really don't want to miss it again.  I wish I was in OHIO and I could take you, but I would probably get lost without EXPLICIT directions. 

Call the doctor for something stronger for your back and don't take the NSAIDS.  You know you should not.  One more problem, you do not need.

Perhaps you could take a dry run to the doctors office this time, making notes on landmarks for yourself, that mean something to you.

Good luck and let us know what happens.
 

Okay, I am not a doctor, nurse, or anything close, but I can tell you my experience and maybe it will help. I agree you should reschedule so you have the chance to face and overcome this problem. But please, take it from someone who has ulcers (not caused by NSAIDS), they are horrible. I have also had bad back pain. Take the back pain. Vicodin didn't help my back pain, but Flexoril did. While we can't take anti-inflammatories, Flexoril worked for me. Check with your dr and see if that might be an option that would help with relaxing the muscles in your back. I also deal with anxiety and find that back pain doesn't set of my anxiety but the constant vomiting from the ulcers does. Believe in yourself, see your professional and know that we are pulling for you.

I have Flexoril too.  Taken with the Vicodin, it does help.  It doesn't totally get rid of the pain, but it helps.

I"m sure ulcers are horrible.  But I have not slept through the night in about six months due to this back pain.  Walking hurts now (that is fairly new, until a few weeks ago I could walk without any pain).  At this point I just want it to stop hurting, at least for a little while.

flexeril and NORCO help me during the day , put takes about 1-1/2 hours when I am BADDDD I take a half dose of Lortab and an hour later a Norco and flexeril for sleep I use Valium or Topamax , the topamax works better but the Valium is a deep muscle relaxant but I can't drive when I have to take too much.
Pain patches??? I have never tried them because I like having more control over what goes into my body.
I totally can relate to the uncontrollable crying because of not being able to find where you are going , I have gotten to the point of not being able to see because my brain was so confused , Valium did help then.
I always have to google earth and see everything in 3-d
I am not sure what I would do about the doc , other than try to find one closer to home , you are almost in a no win situation, I wish I live by you.
ICE your back ...duhh I know you know that , use your tens unit, and there are some topical anti-inflamatories , but I doubt they would help much .
All the best to you

You, my dear, are quite far from stupid. Kudos for asking for help and putting yourself out there.

For your back: is there a doctor closer than the Cleveland Clinic who might be able to help? Three hours is a long drive even when your back doesn't hurt.

I think your doctor saying that you shouldn't have as much pain as you're having was ill-advised, to say the least. You DO deserve to get help for your back. You are NOT having back pain because you are stupid. Something is wrong--you just haven't been diagnosed yet. You did not miss your appointment at CC because you are stupid. You missed it because you were in an unfamiliar area with many buildings not well marked and no one to ask for directions. That could have happened to any of us.

I understand the temptation to try NSAIDs, and I won't tell you not to do it. Perhaps one more run at your doctor for anything else first, though? I truly don't know what would help. Does your plan cover accupuncture or any naturopathic treatments? I'm grasping at straws here, but I know some people get pain relief from different stuff.

For your mental state: Chronic pain is one of the most depressing, debilitating things out there. It is completely understandable you aren't at your best right now. You are doing everything in your power to cope with good strategies. You recognize the temptation to engage in unhealthy coping, but you aren't doing it.

I truly wish there was more I could do to help. I can see what a hard time you're having and hope it gets better soon.