Starting to think that...
the issue I thought was my issue is not my issue.
I often say I think I look good in the mirror but see pics and think I look huge. Twice this week people (actually men no less) have made comments to make me think that perhaps I am seeing myself bigger in pics than other people do.
The first one was when I made a slightly self depracating comment about needing to lose a few pounds and a guy I was speaking with said "I don't know where it'd come from. You look great to me."
Second was a guy I was introduced to online who is a...wait for it...fashion designer! (For the record, he seems more like friend material but damn if I won't try to get some freebies out of him!). I asked what kind of woman he designs for and he said all kinds. I said more high end designers need to design for curvy women because I often have a hard time finding things I think are me and he goes, "You consider yourself curvy? You like kinda trim to me."
(Now in my suspicious mind I am thinking they are both ingratiating but could it be...could I be seeing something different from what others see FOUR DAMN YEARS LATER???)
I often say I think I look good in the mirror but see pics and think I look huge. Twice this week people (actually men no less) have made comments to make me think that perhaps I am seeing myself bigger in pics than other people do.
The first one was when I made a slightly self depracating comment about needing to lose a few pounds and a guy I was speaking with said "I don't know where it'd come from. You look great to me."
Second was a guy I was introduced to online who is a...wait for it...fashion designer! (For the record, he seems more like friend material but damn if I won't try to get some freebies out of him!). I asked what kind of woman he designs for and he said all kinds. I said more high end designers need to design for curvy women because I often have a hard time finding things I think are me and he goes, "You consider yourself curvy? You like kinda trim to me."
(Now in my suspicious mind I am thinking they are both ingratiating but could it be...could I be seeing something different from what others see FOUR DAMN YEARS LATER???)
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
(deactivated member)
on 4/28/12 5:20 am - waukesha, WI
on 4/28/12 5:20 am - waukesha, WI
I think we are our worst judge. If you hear it three timew, it most be true. You look FINE!
(deactivated member)
on 4/28/12 5:21 am - waukesha, WI
on 4/28/12 5:21 am - waukesha, WI
Boyfriend just said ............Hot! so that is four times.
I think it could be either way. You could be seeing yourself as larger than other people do, or they could have been trying to get on your good side. Or maybe a bit of both.
Honestly, I wonder how many people see themselves accurately. It seems like what we see would be so influenced by our past, by our ideas, by our experiences. But for that matter, maybe how we see others is also influenced by those things. Maybe no one really sees accurately. We think that appearance would be something objective, but it really is all relative, isn't it?
Honestly, I wonder how many people see themselves accurately. It seems like what we see would be so influenced by our past, by our ideas, by our experiences. But for that matter, maybe how we see others is also influenced by those things. Maybe no one really sees accurately. We think that appearance would be something objective, but it really is all relative, isn't it?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I think we are never happy and I do think we will always see ourselves bigger than we are no matter how small we get - I think it is just set in our minds.
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RNY: 01-23-2012 Weight day of Surgery - 286lbs ~ Weight as of 09-13-2013 164lbs
How can you not see yourself bigger than you are? You are the one that you know best in those pictures... and if you are living right, you are living large!
I hate pictures, because they flatten me out, and make me look different than I feel inside.
I've noticed that people really have no clue what other people weigh. Some well trained people can figure out what someone's size might be (I used to sell women's clothing, so I could usually point people to the right size). But, even those people are somewhat few and far between.
The other thing is that if you are active, you may just be "built", heavier but trim. Personally, I think trim people are more attractive than thin people. But that's just me. :)
I hate pictures, because they flatten me out, and make me look different than I feel inside.
I've noticed that people really have no clue what other people weigh. Some well trained people can figure out what someone's size might be (I used to sell women's clothing, so I could usually point people to the right size). But, even those people are somewhat few and far between.
The other thing is that if you are active, you may just be "built", heavier but trim. Personally, I think trim people are more attractive than thin people. But that's just me. :)
I agree with Kelly... it may very well be a little flattery on the part of others combined with some inaccurate self-perception on your part.
Honestly, in real life where WLS folks are just scattered throughout the population and MOST people wear double-digit clothing sizes, I know very few people to whom I could honestly say that I don't know where they would lose a few pounds from. My guess is that your world is probably the same... which leads me to believe that at least SOME of this is others being ingratiating.
I also know, however, that even at almost FIVE years out, my perception of my body size is still not always very accurate. I still have the perception issue with my thighs (thinking they are almost as big as ever because of the excess skin and some residual, lumpy fat, when they are clearly MUCH smaller... they are just not skinny), but, putting that aside (because I think that will always be there as long as the excess skin is there... so it is PERMANENT), there are times that I look at my midsection -- I had a tummy tuck, so my belly is very flad form the side view, but I did NOT have any lipo, so I have two small "love handle" bulges on the sides at my waist -- and I think "wow, my torso is small" (well, everything is relative) but other days those little bulges look huge and I look at the width of my waist below the bulges and I think I am much wider than other people (which isn't true). The reality is somewhere in the middle because what keeps me in size 10 jeans instead of 8s is (surprisingly) not usually my thighs, and I could probably get certain cuts of a size 8 over my butt and zipped MOST of the way up...but no way could I finish zipping them or get them snapped/buttoned because my waist IS somewhat wide.
I'm not sure how accurate ANYONE'S body image is, regardless of wether they are, or ever have been, heavy. I know a couple of women who are VERY tiny -- just over 5 feet tall and truly skinny (skin and bones... very little muscle and almost no fat anywhere except maybe in their butts) -- who honestly don't think they are smaller than other people who clearly have more muscle and at least a small overall layer of fat.
Lora
Honestly, in real life where WLS folks are just scattered throughout the population and MOST people wear double-digit clothing sizes, I know very few people to whom I could honestly say that I don't know where they would lose a few pounds from. My guess is that your world is probably the same... which leads me to believe that at least SOME of this is others being ingratiating.
I also know, however, that even at almost FIVE years out, my perception of my body size is still not always very accurate. I still have the perception issue with my thighs (thinking they are almost as big as ever because of the excess skin and some residual, lumpy fat, when they are clearly MUCH smaller... they are just not skinny), but, putting that aside (because I think that will always be there as long as the excess skin is there... so it is PERMANENT), there are times that I look at my midsection -- I had a tummy tuck, so my belly is very flad form the side view, but I did NOT have any lipo, so I have two small "love handle" bulges on the sides at my waist -- and I think "wow, my torso is small" (well, everything is relative) but other days those little bulges look huge and I look at the width of my waist below the bulges and I think I am much wider than other people (which isn't true). The reality is somewhere in the middle because what keeps me in size 10 jeans instead of 8s is (surprisingly) not usually my thighs, and I could probably get certain cuts of a size 8 over my butt and zipped MOST of the way up...but no way could I finish zipping them or get them snapped/buttoned because my waist IS somewhat wide.
I'm not sure how accurate ANYONE'S body image is, regardless of wether they are, or ever have been, heavy. I know a couple of women who are VERY tiny -- just over 5 feet tall and truly skinny (skin and bones... very little muscle and almost no fat anywhere except maybe in their butts) -- who honestly don't think they are smaller than other people who clearly have more muscle and at least a small overall layer of fat.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Well yeah, the words were ingratiating but I was more concerned with the sentiment behind them. I've had plenty of folks tell me they think I look good where I am, especially when I share I'm trying to shed about 20 lbs.
To me, I look BIG in pictures. So to have someone even hint that I look a reasonable size confounds me. It's interesting to me how compartmentalized my self image is. The stuff I post here is not untrue. I do think very highly of myself but I still have insecurities just like anybody else. One doesn't really influence the other if you can believe it. That's probably a sign that I am bat**** crazy or something.
At any rate when I get comments on pictures I often find myself saying "are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing?"
To me, I look BIG in pictures. So to have someone even hint that I look a reasonable size confounds me. It's interesting to me how compartmentalized my self image is. The stuff I post here is not untrue. I do think very highly of myself but I still have insecurities just like anybody else. One doesn't really influence the other if you can believe it. That's probably a sign that I am bat**** crazy or something.
At any rate when I get comments on pictures I often find myself saying "are you seeing the same thing I'm seeing?"
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I have a mirror directly across from my toilet. Not my fault and can't move it. It's an antique armoir that weighs more than my suv. It's huge.
So to sit there and stare at yourself in the mirror at the most vulnerable time in your life, well, I don't see a pretty picture. Yet i've had others tell me how good I look. I have difficulty believing it, but hopefully someday I will be able to.
And for the record you are perfect the way you are!!!
So to sit there and stare at yourself in the mirror at the most vulnerable time in your life, well, I don't see a pretty picture. Yet i've had others tell me how good I look. I have difficulty believing it, but hopefully someday I will be able to.
And for the record you are perfect the way you are!!!
Met my first goal, met my second goal, met my surgeons goal. Now I have a new goal!
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