Poll - Sorta (essay like) Addiction vs. Bad Decisions

I am not putting any preface on this one. I'd just love to hear your thoughts.

In your estimation, what is the difference between someone who is a food addict and a person who simply makes bad decisions regarding food?

Hey Nik, As a food addict I will find my self craving food even after I know I am full.  This is very different from making a conscious decision to eat what I know is bad for me. I have gained about 10 lbs each Winter due to eating candy.  Partly due to being aware and partially due to having it right there and finding my s4elf eating it without thinking about it.  I have not been able to "train" my mind to think first.  My hand and mouth act before my brain gets engaged, even after 2 1/2 years.  Depression is affecting me pretty badly because I am so weak and know it.

This is sort of hard for me to put into words (shocking, right???) but I became acutely aware of the difference AFTER surgery.

The first time I ever experienced that I, as a food addict, might be different from a person who used to simply make poor food decisions is when I met Jen, my former Bariatric Foodie co-author.

Jen mystified me. She was ok with not having an appetite. There were plenty of other things she had to think about and she did, giving food nary a thought throughout the day. SheÂ'd carry her water with her and occasionally get a coffee or something but eating just didnÂ't seem that important. She didnÂ't talk about food a lot and her house was filled with the requisite post-op stuff but also lots of foods for her then-husband.

LetÂ's compare that to me. I can say what I want but the part of me that is an addict does truly LIVE to eat. When I finish one meal I am thinking about the next. There are many times in the day when I WISH I was hungry and resent the fact that I am not. I donÂ't have the ability to Â"eat until satisfiedÂ" and my first two years were marked with sickness episodes from eating too much.

This is not to say all hope is lost on me. Not at all. Addicts can cope. But thatÂ's the difference for me. I live WITH these feelings. RNY did not take them away, not even when I did not have an appetite. My addiction threw horrible tantrums about that to the point that I found myself wandering the aisles of grocery stores because I truly could not breathe anywhere else. If we want to be real, that same drive fueled Bariatric Foodie at first. I NEEDED to have contact with food. I just didnÂ't want it to be unhealthy food. So I started cookingÂ...and cookingÂ...and cooking. And now 500 recipes later, here we are.

So to me, the difference is this. A person who simply makes poor food choices feels like they have a CHOICE. They just choose, more often than not, to make a less-than-beneficial one. Addicts donÂ't feel like they have a choice. Not even after WLS. I still feel every bit as powerless over food as I did in the beginning. I just tilt the game in my favor.

You might notice I go for stretches without buying peanut butter, for example. When I buy it, I am generally letting my addiction take the driverÂ's wheel (much as I hate to admit that out loud). When I abstain that is me taking the wheel back because I know I have NO control when I am around the stuff. It is a trigger, a fixation and I just need not have that around me.

Conversely, I think a person who simply makes poor food choices can, at a point, say Â"you know what, I am going to cut back on peanut butter but I can keep it around for the kids sakesÂ" and yes, it might tempt them but they can, I believe, convince themselves not to indulge so much. But they can still have SOME. When I am around a trigger food, I HAVE to eat it. (I donÂ't really have to but you know what I mean). Even if I am full. Even if it will make me sick. I have to have some. And for me there is no "just having a little bit." I'm going to go overboard or I'm going to abstain. I have not yet found "the middle."

So to me that is the difference.

Have you read this book.  I just ordered and began reading the first few pages.  Very, very intriguing and provocative.  I am hoping I can change some things in my life once and for all. 

I agree with your descriptions and add to the mix the need to hide what we eat.  Maybe that is a shame based reaction, but I think it is a component as well.  Also the inability to cope with even minor stressers w/o resorting to food.  That is such a powerful driving force. 

 In OA they teach you that your addiction likes to isolate you so that it can have total influence.

I've found myself at points saying "I will eat when I'm by myself cuz I don't want anybody watching me!" It may be shame but I disguise it (poorly) as annoyance at other people's reactions!

Yes exactly!

Wow Nik it's like you are talking about me. My whole life revolved around food before surgery and I knew it to a point but after surgery I was like in d t's. I still am. I really dont know what to do with my life now. I didnt realize that it took up that much room in my brain till it was taken away. I am wondering around now lost because food is gone. I was definitely an addict.

I think that a person who is an addict eats compulsively/obsessively, sneaks food and uses food to cope with life whereas another person just chooses to eat food or overeat food when it is available or convenient.  I feel at some point I was a food addict.  It's embarrassing to say, but I would feel the compulsion for food so bad that I would drive 20 mintues into town for fast food when there was plenty of food at home.  I would not go to just one fast food restaurant, but two to get EXACTLY what I was obessing about. I would dress and go to the store just so I could get some cupcakes.  I would make excuses to go to the store just so I could get what I was craving.  I would buy a pack cupcakes and hide them so no one would know if I ate half a dozen in 2 days.  I would grab fast food before I went home and cooked.  I always felt guilty and  I'm absolutely disgusted about how I use to regard food  I chose to see a therapist when I started the approval process.  I knew I needed to deal with my anxiety and learn to cope with my obessive behaviors without having food for a crutch to avoid transfer addiction. 

 One thing you said sticks out to me as a debate point. “At one point I was an addict…"

 

Many addicts don’t believe that is possible. I’m not saying that statement is right OR wrong but many addicts believe you either are or are not an addict. If you are, you are either a practicing addict or an addict in recovery but you don’t cease being an addict ever.

 

Like I said, I am not God so I don’t make the rules on that and won’t comment on whether they are right or wrong. I can say I have always been and will always be an addict. I have lived with my addiction all my life. Up until four years ago I always practiced my addiction. The last few years I’ve been in recovery.

So true!  THANK YOU for calling me out on that little slip.  Once an addict always and addict.  Boy am I aware of this fact in more ways then one.  I think addictive behavior branches far beyond one behavior.  I guess the intent behind the statement was that some point my addiction was totally out of control and unchecked.  I was in denial and headed into the abyss that is obesity and self destruction.  That is a more accurate statement.  I still struggle almost everyday.  I think that's part of a food addicts life.  You can't stop eating...ya know?  I think it's about your relationship with food and how you view food.