Trauma "anniversary" and food cravings

I feel so much anger that there are such vile or stupid or evil people who prey on others and cause such pain. You are no doubt stronger from it, but what a price to pay. It sucks so much. I've read through the other responses and agree with anything that works for you. I might add finding something to punch, if that would work for you. I've used a large stick and beaten my bed up several time throughout my life, although its hard to let me anger out.

I wish I could just hold you, help you with your yard, go for a walk or whatever just so you aren't alone. I'm pretty good for distractions. Sometimes I try to stand on my head, much to the absolute horror and/or delight of onlookers. But at my age, I don't do it any more. Just imagining me trying to do it is plenty entertaining though.

Hang in there, Sweetie. You are much loved and respected.

Thanks so much, Barb. I have a better idea, though... how about if I come visit YOU?!?    

Lora

Even better!

Hugs my friend.

This too shall pass.

I appreciate all you do and have done for me-you are loved here!

I think everyone has said it so well, but just wanted to add my thoughts since you have been such a wonderful source of support, knowledge and inspiration for all of us here.

I am sorry you have to face this anniversary but hope it passes quickly and as painlessly as possible.

Andrea.

 Thanks to everyone for the support and words of encouragement.  I truly appreciate it more than I can express.  I know that many of you also know how isolating trauma can be, so the support really means a lot.

I do have a double session tomorrow with my new therapist (well, have been seeing her for about 5 months) and my previous therapist said I could call her cell tomorrow and leave a message and she would get back to me if just hearing her voice and "checking in" with her would help. 
Then, of course, there is the Ativan and Lunesta to get me through until Friday... 

Lora

I know you know this but here is a list of things to do rather than eat.

1. Journal your feelings
2.  Make a pillow your prep and beat the heck out of it
3.  take a walk and another walk and another walk
4.  go have a your nails done etc, etc.
5.  make something special for dinner that is low in cal and is good for you.
6.  take a long bath
7.  meditation
8. reflect on your achievements
9.  positive affirmations
10.  call a friend and spend the day with them.
12. list your acomplishments

You are strong, alive, and well!   Do not fear them, you have already overcome by staying alive.  You are amazing.

I have hated that one day in my life for the .. gosh almost 17yrs .. since it happened. The same as the day it happened, you just have to survive it the best way you can. Take care of you, be gentle with you, and don't add more pressure to yourself.

I am curious to see how this year goes, as now it is my Surgery date... not just THAT date.

I really hope you are able to use your surgery to redefine that day for yourself.  It hasn't been nearly as long for me (2003), but it still makes me angry that this yearly reaction seems to be out of my control.  Intellectually, it is just another day. There is nothing inherently different about the 26th than the 21st or the 30th. Emotionally and psychologically, however, it is entirely different.  My life is now different and, to a certain extent, always will be because of that day.  A counselor colleague of mine (who, like myself, did training in EMDR and in the physiology of PTSD (which is actually quite interesting)), maintains that there is something "cellular" about the date and our memory.  I don't really believe that, but I do know that the changing weather, the s ell of the air, the sunset time of this time of the year, etc. contributes to the memory since it triggers sensory aspects of that night.

Lora

I'm really sorry. I wish I had good words. I do think I would lean towards what Deb and Kelly are saying. If you truly believe you could get back on track, then give yourself the day you need.

Scream at the top of your lungs, be pissed, be mad, cry, and love yourself. Fighting yourself on the food is giving you a reason to feel guilty that you don't need/deserve.