My Family Sucks
My mom is a classic co-dependent, as well as my little brother. He's actually the male form of her. Anyways, she got pissed off at me almost 2 months ago over an email issue. What they do is when I don't respond to one, then the other suddenly contacts me and wiggles into the conversation "Did you get mom's email/Did you get Matt's email".
My therapist and I have been working on this. She believes I need distance because my relationship with them is severely toxic and gets in the way of what I want to do. So, it's something her and I have been working on. This was also a topic of discussion at our session last night because I"m just a tad annoyed with mom's behavior...which hasn't changed in 40 years (even after her RNY).
Today after I came back to my desk from a meeting, my brother sends me an INSTANT MESSAGE stating our step-dad is in the hospital with some blood infection of unknown origin. Nobody called me. My mother didn't even call me. Matthew fenagled a voicemail (because you can do that without making a call depending on the provider) after sending a text message. Kicker of this...he's apparently been in the hospital since Saturday.
I am soooo pissed.
Sorry...I'm venting.
My therapist and I have been working on this. She believes I need distance because my relationship with them is severely toxic and gets in the way of what I want to do. So, it's something her and I have been working on. This was also a topic of discussion at our session last night because I"m just a tad annoyed with mom's behavior...which hasn't changed in 40 years (even after her RNY).
Today after I came back to my desk from a meeting, my brother sends me an INSTANT MESSAGE stating our step-dad is in the hospital with some blood infection of unknown origin. Nobody called me. My mother didn't even call me. Matthew fenagled a voicemail (because you can do that without making a call depending on the provider) after sending a text message. Kicker of this...he's apparently been in the hospital since Saturday.
I am soooo pissed.
Sorry...I'm venting.
Well, I have put up some clearly defined fences, and she's not digging it. So her response is to do the whole silent treatment gig. Impressive from the woman who likes to toss out "grow up and be an adult" to the professionally unemployed sibling she continually bails out...he's in his early to mid thirties. But I started standing my ground last summer, about a couple months post-op. I know she hates it because I don't let her control me.
Which is interesting. She caters to the professionally unemployed/equally codependent brother, as well as to the talented yet unmotivated to excel brother. The mentally handicapped third brother lives at home. They've made absolutely NO provisions for him when they pass away. None. Nada. Zip. She is completely selfish.
I said this last night at my counseling session: giving birth doesn't make one a parent. Sperm donors and incubators, maybe. But definately not a parent.
Which is interesting. She caters to the professionally unemployed/equally codependent brother, as well as to the talented yet unmotivated to excel brother. The mentally handicapped third brother lives at home. They've made absolutely NO provisions for him when they pass away. None. Nada. Zip. She is completely selfish.
I said this last night at my counseling session: giving birth doesn't make one a parent. Sperm donors and incubators, maybe. But definately not a parent.
If your therapist hasn't recommended this already, let me recommend a really useful book on the topic: Escaping Toxic Guilt by Susan Carrell. It helped me a LOT when I was going thru some boundaries issues with my mother! Read it in conjunction with "The Adult Child's Guide to What's 'Normal'" and "Mean Mothers" - basically my library in validating that it's my mother who had/has the major issues, not me. Validation means so much, when your family tries to undermine your rights as a human being.... Sometimes relationships can be repaired, but sometimes they can't.
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
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