Worried - Had Psych Eval Saturday

Not sure what I'm looking for here, maybe just a place to vent.  If anyone has a similar experience and wisdom to share, that would be great too.

A little background on me:  I'm 60 years old, have bipolar disorder (well controlled with meds), and had a traumatic childhood.  I know enough to know that the BPD and childhood issues can be red flags for emotional problems and that those can affect the success of WLS.  Because of this, I'm feeling very unsettled and worried, that the psych report will not be good, and get in the way of my surgery.

The truth is, I'm been working through my childhood issues all my life, although not through counseling or therapy.  I've had a good support system from husband and friends, and I've done a lot of reading on my own, enough to understand how I'm affected by all that's happened to me, and how I've used food as a emotional crutch.  I understand mental illness, I know what I have to do to remain healthy both mentally and emotionally. 

I've tried different diets (can't remember them all) over the years, without success.  For the last few years, I've failed all attempts day in and day out:  I do well for a short while, lose a few pounds, then put them back on.  Each time that's occured, I've felt more and more like a failure, which of course leads to more eating, and more weight gain.  How many people DON'T go through this vicious cycle?  Because of my age, I'm really feeling the clock (on my life) ticking, and I'm terried that unless I can lose the excess weight, I'm headed for an early grave.

I tried as best I could to explain all this during the "interview", but found myself stumbling around in my attempts, feeling more and more defensive.  By the end of the interview, the lady was giving me the counselor's syrupy smiles, speaking "softly and soothingly", as if I am some kind of emotional wreck, in need of kid gloves.  I'm not!  Except for very low self-esteem brought on by feeling like I'm the size of a horse, I think I'm pretty healthy!  I have good relationships with people, people who actually know me seem to like me, and the only thing in my life that is a problem is my weight!  Yeah, some counseling wouldn't hurt, but I feel like I don't have the time to sit down with someone and go over the life history I've been dealing with forever; it's over and done with, and I'm sick of it!  Don't want it to define me, to prevent me from having a better life!

How can someone really get a good, overall picture of another person during an hour-long conversation?  Yeah, I understand, these folks are "trained", but this gal still doesn't really know me.  She hasn't seen me function on a day-to-day basis, she hasn't seen how seriously I'm taking this surgery.  My gosh, this is a last-ditch effort on my part to get my life back.  I'm too old to rush into it, I know myself well enough that I'm not going to do it unless I'm absolutely sure I have the ability to be successful!

Okay, this is long enough, and probably makes no sense.  That's okay; I just needed to get it off my chest.  Because I'm so serious and determined about the surgery, and so sure it's the right thing for me, I'm steeling myself for a bad report, and planning on getting through the emotional disappointment I'll feel, and doing whatever I'm required to do to get this done.  I have to get it done.  I have to.

If you've made it this far, thanks for listening.

Beth        

I totally get what you are saying , seems we have mu*****ommon , except BPD, I hated going to a women counelor, men read less into things.
I am 57 and have to get a handle on this weight thing reardless of the stuff that went on in my life WHEN I WAS A KID , some councelors don't want you getting over anything and don't believe you can on your own.....that's bull, sometimes it just is what it is (was), you can NEVER have a better childhood.
BPD does not stop my doc from doing surgery , although I have seen in support groups that meds need to be watched and changed around and tweeked a bit.
I do NOT think someone can make an accurate diagnosis in ONE hour , I don't care how trained they are , if you don't like agree with the report ask for another psych eval.
Remember this is only one part of the pre surgery evaluations.
You can always talk to your doc if it comes back bad.
Kepp us posted

Oh, gosh, Donna, thanks so much for responding!  I'm taking to heart everything you've said; seems like you have a good understanding of where I"m coming from.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

You know, you said something that just triggered a thought:  I've been seeing the same psychiatrist for 15+ years.  He doesn't do talk therapy, but I've shared a lot with him over the years, and he's been urging me to explore WLS for quite awhile.  I honestly don't think he'd do that, if he didn't think I had the ability to be successful.  I am planning on asking him to write a letter for me anyway, but will do so especially if this psycho (Freudian typo there!) eval comes out bad. 

Btw, you sure as heck don't look 57!  You're a very young 57, that's for sure! 

Beth

that's a great idea to have your OWN psych who KNOWS you write a letter for your doc and insurance , I had my PCP write one and my ortho doc write one , even though it was not asked for!!
By the way , the picture is about 5 years old and was taken before I gained some weight back , I would post a new one but don't remember how  will have to work on that !!

 When I did my psych eval here is what I had to break it down into:

1) WLS is a tool not a miracle worker, if I eat cheetos and milkshakes I'm not going to lose a single pound.

2)As a person who has been obese as a child I have had to remember that 
     a: food does not make me
     b: Anything I want to eat I have to seriously think about whether or not it's worth the cooking (I'm a cooker) 
     c: I am not my parents, I can make food choices that are knowledgable and good for me. 

3) change does not happen overnight, it requires that I keep a food diary, and know what my weaknesses and strengths are. 


After that is a 400 question test, and I was done.

After that is a 400 question test, and I was done.

Wow!  Sounds like you had an MMPI!  At first, I was thankful when I was told I didn't have to do that, but after this interview, I kind of wish I had done it!  I might have been a little more objective.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Beth

 No, not every therapist believes that a troubled childhood or mental illness is going to doom someone for failure with WLS. If your report states things inaccurately or gives a conclusion you don't support, ask her for another session to clarify. Or see someone else for a different evaluation. And no, not every therapist will be trying to keep you in therapy indefinately. There are those of us to get into this field as a helping profession and when help is done, um.... it's done.

I'm guessing you're a therapist?  Thanks for your input.  It gives me some options to consider, should things not turn out as well as I'd hope.

I have a friend who has major childhood issues, and BPD, who's been in therapy for over 15 years.  I've often wondered about that, whether it's something she really continues to need, or if it's become a crutch for her.  Not my place to judge though.

Thanks again for chiming in.

Beth 

I'm guessing you're a therapist? Thanks for your input. It gives me some options to consider, should things not turn out as well as I'd hope.

I have a friend who has major childhood issues, and BPD, who's been in therapy for over 15 years. I've often wondered about that, whether it's something she really continues to need, or if it's become a crutch for her. Not my place to judge though.

Thanks again for chiming in.

Beth

Just wanted to say that I too had a very not so good childhood and that is putting it lightly, I had to to a test prob about the 400 range and then meet with the psych after he went over that. With that being said I did ell him about the childhood the substances that I was addicted too in my teen age years and all that kind of stuff and just told him that this is what it was not what it is and I had taken all the tramatic stuff in my life and make it into something that I use to be a better person. I also told him that I would not change the things I had been through because that would change who I am and besides the weight issues I love me for me. Good Luck