Therapy stuff questions
It sounds like your therapist talks A LOT! I would say that I talk for *at least* half of my session, but we take turns going back and forth.
Also, sometimes my therapist digs into a topic that has come up and if I don't feel like that's what I really want to focus on at that time, I just tell him. Of course, then I have to figure out what I DO want to talk about, but he's always been receptive. I think that with any therapist if they're talking about something you're just not feeling like talking about right then, you need to speak up so it's not a waste of a session. If you're not into it, it's probably not going to be a very productive discussion, even if you do get a turn to talk ;-).
I know finding a new therapist takes a lot of effort, but it sounds like you really should look around.
Also, sometimes my therapist digs into a topic that has come up and if I don't feel like that's what I really want to focus on at that time, I just tell him. Of course, then I have to figure out what I DO want to talk about, but he's always been receptive. I think that with any therapist if they're talking about something you're just not feeling like talking about right then, you need to speak up so it's not a waste of a session. If you're not into it, it's probably not going to be a very productive discussion, even if you do get a turn to talk ;-).
I know finding a new therapist takes a lot of effort, but it sounds like you really should look around.
For me, it depends a lot on what I am seeing the client for. I spend a LOT less time talking with a trauma client than I do with a client with an anxiety disorder, for example. I am more directive when it comes to things like anxiety; giving trauma clients the safe place to share their story/thoughts/feelings, on the other hand, is crucial. I try to make sure not matter who the client is or what the issue is, that I never do more than 50% of the talking (unless I am doing psychoeducational tasks, of course... but even then, I still try to allow the client "the floor" during other parts of the session).
From the various things you have mentioned about this therapist, she does not sound very attuned to client needs (and is too focused on herself and her position). It doesn, unfortunately, sound like she might not be someone who can ever be a good fit for you since you have given her several chances to adjust her approach to meet your needs. Yeah, finding a new therapist stinks (BTDT) but so does staying with someone who stresses you out and is not helping you.
Lora
From the various things you have mentioned about this therapist, she does not sound very attuned to client needs (and is too focused on herself and her position). It doesn, unfortunately, sound like she might not be someone who can ever be a good fit for you since you have given her several chances to adjust her approach to meet your needs. Yeah, finding a new therapist stinks (BTDT) but so does staying with someone who stresses you out and is not helping you.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I have been seeing my counselor for almost 7 years. In that time, there have probably been 6-7 times when he totally dominated the conversation....
Most of the time he will push me to talk. I call him a "bulldog" because once he latches on, he doesn't easily let go. And he does the "silent hold" thing too - asks a question and sits there in silence while waiting for me to work up my nerve to talk. I don't know that I can break it down to ratios though, because just the nature of our conversations sometimes calls for him to talk more. I tend to feel like I am rambling if I talk much and I start shutting down, so he picks up his involvement in the conversation.
It is hard to change therapists, but probably the short term awkwardness of starting from scratch is better than spending every session uncomfortable.
Most of the time he will push me to talk. I call him a "bulldog" because once he latches on, he doesn't easily let go. And he does the "silent hold" thing too - asks a question and sits there in silence while waiting for me to work up my nerve to talk. I don't know that I can break it down to ratios though, because just the nature of our conversations sometimes calls for him to talk more. I tend to feel like I am rambling if I talk much and I start shutting down, so he picks up his involvement in the conversation.
It is hard to change therapists, but probably the short term awkwardness of starting from scratch is better than spending every session uncomfortable.
I hate the silent hold thing, but at the same time, sometimes it is effective. Although I probably seem like a blabber mouth on here, there are things I find it really difficult to talk about. If someone jumps in the second I hesitate and starts going on and on about something else, I'm never going to say certain things.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Oh I hate it too! Sometimes it works. After this long working together, fortunately my counselor does know when it is time for him to give a nudge or ask a question to help.... but he won't leave the qustion alone and he won't try to "answer it for me" and just keep going.
Edited - I actually had counseling this morning as well. Today I would say our conversation was 50/50... and he may have done a little more of the talking than that, but not much.
Edited - I actually had counseling this morning as well. Today I would say our conversation was 50/50... and he may have done a little more of the talking than that, but not much.
I just had therapy today too. My therapist is amazing, except that she really needs to get her magic wand fixed so that she can solve all my problems for me. And her magic mirror, too, so that she can know just what I need to do.
I feel like I do spend a good bit of time rambling, but she listens and responds even if she doesn't have the "answers."
It sounds like yours is simply not a good fit. Maybe it's time to move on. I wish you lived closer; I'd be happy to share mine!
I feel like I do spend a good bit of time rambling, but she listens and responds even if she doesn't have the "answers."
It sounds like yours is simply not a good fit. Maybe it's time to move on. I wish you lived closer; I'd be happy to share mine!
- Barb, who is at GOOOOOOAAAAAAL!
HW: 274 SW: 244 GW: 137 CW: 137!
Keep on swimming! Keep on swimming!
I agree with the others who said the therapist should be a good listener.
A good therapist will encourage you to talk and act as a facilitator to help you make your own discoveries about yourself. Not "school" you.
How can you gain insights about yourself if she's yammering on and on?
I also agree with the people who said you should find someone else...your time is too precious to be a sounding board for an egoist!
Height: 5'6" SW: 234
I can't gain insight while she's yammering on and on. Even if she says something that might help me develop some insight, she is off and running about something else before I have time to think about it. Today she said something about "We will need to talk about why you feel angry at yourself" and I thought "yeah, I'd like to talk about that" but before I could say anything or even think about the issue, really, she started telling me how I could go for a walk as a healthy way of coping when I feel angry with myself and exercise is good for your mood anyway, and the weather has been very nice although it might rain this weekend, and if I pass a swingset on my walk I might want to sit down and swing a little because she used to love to swing when she was younger. Really. I am not making this up at all.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I didn't realize how bad it was until I wrote that down. That really was not me trying to be funny. That really was, almost word for word, how that discussion went. And I laughed when I read it, too.
But seriously. Does she have any clients that find that helpful?
But seriously. Does she have any clients that find that helpful?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
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