What WLS will NOT do for your life

I’m not exactly sure who I am writing this to but I had this conversation with a friend who is considering WLS.

Academically, I think we all know WLS is on our bodies, not our heads. But sometimes I think we could stand to internalize that a bit more (yes, even me). So in talking to my friend this is what I told her.

There are just certain things WLS is NOT going to do for you. Among them:

WLS is NOT necessarily going to make you stop gravitating toward the things that made you obese.

While we recover and during “magic window"ÂÂ" phase may find yourself perfectly capable of resisting Doritos and Twinkies and motivated to go to the gym five times a week, you sort of have to embrace the fact that as time wears on it is POSSIBLE for you to lose steam. This does not mean all is lost. It just means you might think about starting off with a reasonable plan that you can live with in the long term. Trust me when I say I have seen with my own eyes how that one thing works.

WLS will NOT transform your family and friends into health nuts

You had surgery, not them. They may begin to change as they see you change but you can’t bank on that. And you also need some way to keep yourself going even if nobody else in your life is doing what you are doing health-wise. That might be a workout buddy. That might be OH. I don’t know. But if you go into this expecting everyone to change with you, you may be very disappointed.

WLS will NOT cure your mama/daddy/insecurity/body image issues

Chances are if you were soothing with food, those issues will come to light really quickly, but WLS, in and of itself will not cure those issues. Working through them has a better chance. For me, that involves therapy. Your mileage may vary. But know this: in your magic window time it is easy to simultaneously not overeat AND ignore your issues. The further out you are, the harder that is to keep up. Your demons are very patient. They will wait for you.

WLS will NOT make you love yourself (if you don’t already love yourself)

This is the one I think stings folks the most when I tell them this. CHANCES ARE you are not going to magically wake up one day and think “Wow! Look at me! I love my body and I love my life and everything is all good now!ÂÂ" For most of us, IF we ever get to that moment, it takes a significant amount of head work. I think pre-op some of us, even though we know the above is true, have this expectation that if we could just lose that 70, 90, 150 lbs. that we’ll be able to like our bodies. What I’ve seen is that the weight loss disillusions a lot of people. It takes time for your eyes to SEE the losses and even when you do, you also see all that skin. And if you didn’t really love yourself (or like yourself) before, all that does NOT help. I know I sound like a broken record, but working on those head issues will help!

So what does WLS do? It gives you a CHANCE. An opportunity. Our Founding Fathers wrote that we all have an inalienable right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness (not happiness itself, but the pursuit of it). Much in the same way, WLS surgery gives us weight loss, a mechanism to pursue a better relationship with food and allows us to pursue happiness. But that’s where the surgery’s promises stop. The rest, I’m afraid, is up to you. Which is why this definitely is absolutely, positively NOT the easy way out!

Well said.

Great post!!!  

well written and all so true - great advice for sure !!!

Well said, and SOOOOO true! 

Before surgery, I really, truly thought that I'd wake up one day after all the weight was gone and love myself.  4 years later, I'm still waiting for that magical day to come (and I know it won't come on its own).  I thought that by losing the weight, all my problems would disappear.  I'd have boundless energy, start playing sports, enjoy physical activities I had never tried (roller skating, ice skating,etc), have endless patience with my kids, and all my marital issues would be solved.  Would you be shocked to know that none of the above have happened?  Probably not.  But I was.  It was really pretty depressing to me for a while.

I really wish that this kind of stuff was talked about more in-depth as part of the whole surgery process.  I get it now, and I'm at peace with everything, but I really think a whole lot of people (myself included) go into this thinking that losing the weight will cure all of life's problems and it's just simply not true.

 I honestly don't know WHAT I expected. I spent a lot of time not believing it was gonna work. Then I started to hope it WOULD work. But the fact that I didn't get my head on straight meant a lot of confusion for me. I leveled out at a high weight and wasn't sure if I should be proud or not, happy or not. I was all messed up. 

Totally agree!!! I think alot of people including myself thought all or some of things before sugery.

Nik-damn girl.  We must be in the same place mentally today.

I really did love me when I started this, so I didn't have that hurdle.

I am also like "rain man" as far as obsessing about everything to ensure I do it to a "T"....so I knew I'd change.  What I wasn't ready for was the "rest of the world" not jumping on the health train with me.....the cheese pretty much stands alone here....4 years later (since I started working out) it is pretty much just me.  My DH will run with me on ocassion, but as far as the everyday in the gym workouts, it is just me and Tony Horton!!

I've also lost dear friends along the way.  Well, I thought they were friends.  But it seems that once I wasn't the fattest in the group and I became more active, they just can't relate to me anymore and have stopped calling.  I have made some new friends though that are active like me so I guess it is part of the process.

OH has been my support since day 1.  I know people that have had WLS, but they are in that group where they didn't change their lifestyle so they are regaining and blaming everyone but themselves....

Holla!  Have a great weekend.

I had some clue.  I had previously lost from 278 to 132 (gained back to 234 when I went for my consult).  The 1st time I lost the weight, I believed that being thin would solve my problems and I was completely unprepared for the excess skin.  I KNEW that I wouldn't be pretty after surgery.  But, I also KNEW that I would be healthier.

I wasn't prepared for the loss of friends, the issues with family members who weren't as successful with their surgeries (there are 5 of us WLS peeps in my immediate family), and going below goal was a huge surprise (I think hubby was happier with me 10lbs ago.).

Great Post!
Laura

I wasn't as prepared for all the mental aspects.  That has been the most difficult part.

Prior to surgery I was OK with my job and thought I would be doing it for the rest of my life, but after surgery I have had a total 360 and the thought of staying there for the rest of my life is fills me with dread.  So I am now back in school to become an RD. 
,
Body image is another dreadful issue for me.  I know logically I am smaller but the person I see is still the fat girl.  It is so hard to explain this to all my family and friends who think I am crazy because I would still like to lose another 15 pounds.  They don't understand why I can't see the thinner me, and honestly I can't either. 

It is a daily struggle, but in the end I am happpy I had surgery and consider myself a work in progress.

Christy