OT: just need to vent about moms who are unsupportive

HUGS Lora!

I think its a generational thing.. my Mom will never understand either.. I chaulk it up to that most of them in their generation were dealing with effects of real basic issues like food availability, war, unemployment, education, etc.They figure if you were alive, you were lucky... nevermind about traumic stuff.. I often think that our generation is too soft and the next one softer yet.

Its really no excuse being unable to empathize with your situation. I can never talk to my mom about any emotionally stuff.. I am sorry about your challenge..

Michelle

When I read this I thought wow I'm not alone!!! I was sexually molested for years by my mothers brother. I never told till about 2 yrs ago and I'm 38. My mom then allowed his son and daughter move in with her and didnt understand why it bothered me to visit her. Nothing against his children but it just brought back all the memories that I have pushed back in my mind and the nightmares and depression came back. I tried to explain this to her and she pretty much said to get over it. I have not spoke to my mother since August except for an occasional e-mail and the nightmares are better but I feel guilty about not speaking to her. I don't think we ever fully heal from these terrible things we just need to learn to cope and live as normal as we can and protect our own children.

I know it's difficult as I can remember times when I wanted to put my hands around my mother's throat and just squeeze the ever living **** out of her because she could just be so ignorant and non-supportive about some things. 

She has been gone for 13 years now, and I would give anything to be able to have her in my life to **** me off just one more time.

You're a therapist, so you know your mom is never going to change; consequently, just accept what is and mentally strangle her on occasion.  LoL

{giggling at the mental strangling comment}

Sorry about you losing your mom.  I know that when my mother dies I will miss her tremendously, especially since we have an extremely small family: my only living relatives are my brother and his wife (my other brother died 15 years ago), my mother, and my uncle and his wife and daughter (and we rarely see them).

It terrifies me to think of how alone I will feel if I am still single when she dies.  

Lora

And here I though I was the only one with a mom who was incapable of emotional support (I was once almost raped by a neighbor boy and when I told her she told me I needed to find a way to handle it.  I think I was 14).  Thanks all for showing me I am not a 'Lone Ranger'.

 Wow.  How in the world is a 14 year old supposed to know HOW to handle that?!?  Sigh...    I am so sorry that she reacted that way.

Lora

I had always suspected that I had been abused as a child and turns out I was.  When I first started exploring the situation with my mom, I asked if she knew of any incidents, she responded, and I kid you not, "Well when you were 4 we caught the neighbor boy ramming a stick into you, but I don't think that counts".

She did the best she could but you were on your own if you were looking for emotional support.  I am like emotionally stunted.  There were a couple of incidents as a child and a couple as a young teenager.  Not the boy when I was 14, I finally gave him a good kick and he avaided me as much as I avoided him.

My mom would have never supported me in this RNY business.

I hope you do have someone and it sounds like your therapist is one, to give you the understanding and support you need.

Boy all of these posts have got to me and brought tears to my eyes.  Lora, I am sorry.  You have endured more pain in your life than anyone should have to endure.  I'm not a psychologist but sometimes I think maybe your mom can't wrap her head around what happened to you.  Because if she does it will be more pain than she can endure. It's easier to not acknowledge it then she can still have you the way you used to be.  I can't really explain it well.  And...I too am single without family. It's me, my mom and son. That's it.  I have 3 best friends and I consider them my family too!