OT: just need to vent about moms who are unsupportive

As far as the assault is concerned, I am sure that you are correct.  After the accident, though, she was ok with me talking about it (to the limited extend that I was willing to talk about it, anyway) and understood the grief (even if not the trauma), yet -- despite the fact that I was gaining weight VERY rapidly (close to 100 pounds in about 18 months) and clearly NOT dealing with it well and suffering nightmares (I knew better than to tell her about the actual flashbacks) -- when I finally sought counseling, she basically scoffed at the PTSD diagnosis even when I showed her the diagnostic criteria and a sheet from the therapist about PTSD.  She seemed to think it was just like a typical accident that you see on the highway every week... and it was not.

Lora

(Me clucking my tongue like my grandmother)  it just plain sucks when we dont get what we really want and need  from loved ones, but we keep on tryiing,i am sorry you have to deal with this ,i hope one day she will see it for what it  really is and how much pain it causes you, take care,

 

HUGS Lora

 I thought you looked familiar..we have the same mom!
I have no advice..only a hug*
Deb T>

 LOL.  Now if my mom could just respond the same way...!

Lora

So sorry you have to go thru this. Such an uphill battle with the person you want and need the most support and approval from.

Mother / daughter relationships can be the most difficult and complicated out there. I have been working hard to accept that my mother will never be anything close to supportive. She is very selfish and self centered. I know nothing, can do nothing right, have to be hovered over during the simplest tasks. I apparently will always be 10 years old in her eyes despite the fact that i am 57.

 I'm sincerely sorry for the trauma you ladies have had. I have a deer friend who as you had terrible things happen to her. She still struggles and suffers as much as she tries to be strong and overcome it. I applaud you as I do her for being the strong women you are despite or because of what you are dealing with. I too struggle with parents who are too often insensitive and don't get that what 
MY sisters and I truly want from them is their time and acceptance. I know they love me, I just struggle with how they show it or don't. My prayers for you that healing and peace will come. 

I don't have any advice, just sympathy and understanding.

I have PTSD as well, related to childhood abuse and my mother's death when I was 19. I know how debilitating it can be, especially when there is no support or understanding from those you love most.


I'm sorry you have this pain.

Bella

 Hi Lora, 
you are amazing with how well you do in life after all the trauma you have suffered.  I am so sorry about all you have been through, my goodness.
Sounds like your mom is similar to mine.  My mother and I care for and love each other very much, but my relationship with her is not therapeutic.  She has her own insecurities and anxieties and can be judgemental.  It is hard for her to really listen and "get" what I mean when I say something.  Things from my mom when I am in the most need for support unfortunately come out angry and hurtful from her and I hate that.  As far as depression (which I have a history of)...my mother doesn't understand.  My mom and I think most people her age are of the "just toughen up" thinking.  Depression is just a  new label for laziness or being sleepy....and my go**** is SO much  more and different than that.  The sad thing is my mom and many people like her, and maybe your mom too, cannot really be open or honest about anything in their lives, so there is a definite falling short of any kind of true intimate close relationship--everything is "surfacy".  I had a therapist tell me a year or so ago something similar to what you were told.....to not expect support from my mom, just to accept her as she is and cultivate other relationships in my life.  Other advice was to "manage" my response to my mom.  I have tried these things, but it is hard at times.  I feel like I want to scream at her sometimes, like what is it you don't understand!!!  It can be frustrating.  I am glad you vented on her and appreciate you sharing some of your story.  It is very helpful to me to hear what others have had going on in their lives, especially if there are similar experiences to mine.
Hope the rest of your weekend is ok and thanks for sharing.
I am getting close to the big 50 as well, but I think I will always be 13 in my mother's eyes....
Karen  

Yes, Karen, it sounds like there are a lot of similarities.  I definitely have those times when I just want to scream at her that she doesn't understand AT ALL?

Lora