Inviting others into your insecurities

 You know one very valuable thing I’ve learned over the past four years.

 

People, in general, are not half as intuitive as we give them credit for being. In fact, we can be down right oblivious at times. Which can be a good thing.

 

Case in point. I used to be self-conscious about my bat wings. I’d wear sleeves in the summer and the whole nine. One day I wore a sleeveless sundress and I got all kinds of compliments which I down played (I know…shocking right? Someone who now has an ego as big as mine once down playing a compliment???).

Well one friend said, “you look so pretty in that dress," to which I replied, “yeah but my arms are a hot mess. I know I need to put on a sweater."

 

She looked at me quizzically. “Your arms?" she said. I lifted my arm and let the wing drop. She smiled.

 

“Honestly if you hadn’t shown me that I would have never noticed it," she said, and walked away.

 

But I wasn’t convinced. I also felt very self-conscious about the amount I was eating, especially when I HAD to eat around others. I used to pre-empt eating situations with long explanations of why you wouldn’t see lots of food on my plate. But after the dress incident I began to consider the fact that maybe folks noticed because I INVITED them to notice. So at my next meeting I made up my little plate the way I always did. I ate what I wanted, left what I didn’t. And nobody noticed. Not one single person. Amazing!

 

Now I know that some of us DO have food police. We DO have people who are watching us and let us know it. But for those in our world who don’t seem to be, just remember that sometimes we invite attention to our insecurities by attempting to call them out before others do. Sometimes if you leave well enough alone, not a single thing will happen.

 

What we present as normalcy will begin to become normal. To your co-worker who maybe doesn’t know you have surgery, you simply become a person who “doesn’t eat that much." And maybe your size may make that confusing to them. If it does, oh well. That’s their confusion. If they are smart, they know better than to ask. But you don’t own their thought processes nor are you responsible for making it all make sense to them.

 

So do your normal. And invite others in where you feel like they should be invited. And leave the rest!

Great post Nik.

I think that people, in general are twice as intuitive as we give them credit for. That intuition is well balanced with a healthy dose of kindness and sensitivity.  

Excellent.

For the longest time i wouldn't run in anything other than pants or capris b/c of my legs -- particularly my knees. Someone asked me one day why I didn't and they told them and they were like, 'no way'. i now wear shorts and running skirts (and dresses thank you nuu muu!)and now the girls think I have awesome legs! LOL

on the flip side though, i wore a very fitted dress with tall boots about a month ago and someone said, "girl you look awesome today -- what kind of spanx you wearing under there b/c they are GOOD!" I smiled and said, "no spanx here sister" : )

I am CERTAIN you have rockin' legs to go along with everything else!  Work it!  ;)


tori

Thank you so much!  Here are photos from the Disney Princess Half (at 430 am!!!) -- you can see what I mean...I like my calves but the knee area...ugh.

can't get the bottom pic to rotate!!! but you can see what i mean...

and yes, 20K runners and I was told i was the only Marie  :)

Just stop already... your legs look GREAT!  Just pu**** out of your mind... you are fabulous so stop even thinking about your knees!!

You look adorable... love the ears, lol...


tori

 Get it girl!

ME-OWWWWWWWW!

This couldn't be more true... we are often so critical of certain parts of ourselves that we assume that everyone else is as hyper-critical.  The sad thing is that we think by doing the 'pre-emptive strike' and dissing our own perceived weak parts before someone else does that we're taking away the sting that comes with the negative comments... but the sting probably never would have come in the first place because no one else probably would have even noticed!

This is exactly what I needed to hear again as we're coming back into the weather where clothing is more abbreviated and swimsuits are around the corner!  I have to reclaim my boldness and push the self-consciousness aside...

Thanks!


tori

I'm one of those people that never notice anything about anyone. I always assume others are the same, that they're to busy with their own stuff to be worried about what others look like or what they're wearing. But I have a friend and she is the exact opposite of me. She notices everything! She always says, "did you notice her..." or "did you see that..." and my response is always, "no. Sorry but I just didnt see it." I don't think it's important to notice peoples faults, what they're wearing or how they look. I try to focus on their qualities, on what's inside rather than what's outside. it's worked for me so far!