Let he who is without blemish cast the first stone

I said I was surprised her surgeon operated on her.  Not just because she wasn't as ready as she could have been, though.  I realize many of us weren't as ready as we could have been, myself included, actually.

The reasons I was surprised her surgeon operated on her were because:

1.  She'd had the band and wrote in her blog that she repeatedly "broke the rules."  She never indicated, in her blog or on this board (as far as I could see) a willingness to start following rules.  I was surprised that a surgeon would operate on a patient that seemed very likely to "break the rules" because not only would they likely not succeed with surgery, they could possibly do themselves serious harm.  Yes, I realize none of us follow the rules all the time.  But I'm guessing most of us indicated a willingness to try to follow the rules when we had surgery.

2.  She did not give up smoking.  Many surgeons refuse to do WLS on a smoker and many even test patients for nicotine prior to surgery.  I have known a few people  to have their surgeries cancelled or postponed because they did not quit smoking when they were supposed to.  I was surprised her surgeon did not require her to quit smoking before operating.

3.  She appears to know very, very little about this surgery.  I know some surgeons are not very good at pre op education but most do seem to require patients to attend a class on nutrition or at least read some written material or something.  I'm surprised that a surgeon would perform surgery without educating a patient at all about what she would need to do post op.

 I wasn't talking about your reply. I can't remember who said the one that set me off but it wasn't you. If it was you I'd have remembered it!

I posted that, and it was for all the reasons Kelly stated. I am surprised any surgeon would do surgery on someone who smokes, and readily admits that she didn't follow the rules for a previous weight loss surgery. And after reading her post today, do you not agree that if what she is saying is true that the professionalism  of her surgeon should be questioned? 2 five minute consults? no instructions about drinking post op? and there was lots more. IF what she is saying is true, it seems that she has found the worlds worst bariatric surgeon. Maybe I came across as rude, but Kelly basically said the exact same thing.

 You may be right, Nik...  God knows, I'm nowhere near perfect on this journey.  

BUT... if I don't believe something, I just don't.   I don't know if the individual in question ate 1600 calories... but I know the rest of the story was completely off.   I wouldn't judge anyone for having a bad day, but I kind of do judge them when their story changes three times over twenty four hours.

If this group is about supporting each other, we have to be able to call shenanigans when we see it.  If I were looking for permission to do all the bad stuff I do, I'd just self select a group of yes-people and give 'em a script.   If I come here for advice, because I just ate a coupla big macs, what I want to hear is that I could have done some serious damage to myself and I should immediately go in to have it checked out.  I would also want people to tell me that I somehow missed a few basic rules of RNY, and make sure that I educate myself better.  

 See my reply directly above yours.

Giving harsh advice doesn't bug me in the least. Usually I am the giver of it. But I saw some stuff that concerned me...not about relating to her...but how we relate to ourselves. OUR beliefs. That was what scared me.

If any of us is so deluded to think that right after surgery we are making good decisions purely on our own laurels, we are in TROUBLE. Yes, we are a big part of it, but WLS is called a TOOL for a reason. 

 But Nik there is a difference between not understanding some rules and "being a hot mess" to being someone who says.
My doctor gave me no rules.
And so evidently that meant to her..carte blanche..1600 calories and some wine added in.
      

 That's precisely what I am saying though. Had I not been a hot mess and my surgeon had given me no restrictions, I'd be in the same place...in need of help. 

It's not HER I'm concerned with. We get her types all the time. What bugged me was some of the reactions. And like I said not all. There was some good advice given. But some...I just wonder if judgmentalism played into a lot of responses.

I try to keep in mind who I was in the beginning of my journey when I reply to people. Cuz fresh post-op Nik did not have it together. I can often be accused of expecting people to have the same thought pattern as me and that's not right. I have four years of living this under my belt so I shouldn't expect that someone newer to this process might think the same way I do (and thank goodness for that cuz I'm about as crazy as a $3 bill in real life).

 Did your surgeon give you a post op diet? Because in her world/mind there was none.

 Nope. I remember calling my pastor because he knew of a lady who had surgery *****commended a cookbook and i survived off that book for a long time.

It wasn't that he was a bad surgeon but he had a less than ideal nutritionist. So no...I wasn't given a post-op diet. And I wasn't told not t eat certain foods. I just knew I shouldn't eat sugar and I probably shouldn't try foods that are junky. But then I had a near complete absence of appetite for a good while there so it wasn't a problem with junk food. 

For the first week post-op I ate a lot of green Jell-O and since nobody told me not to...I just went with it until I figured I should probably attempt some actual nutrients!

I am by no means perfect and fight the food fight every day - I don't believe you can be a success at nearly 8 years out without doing so!   THIS is always my message when I post - that we have to strive to do the best we can every day - it is easier to do what we want rather than what we should be doing.  

I am one of the "lucky" ones that still dumps on fat and sugar, still get the foamies and puke on an almost weekly basis and suffers terribly with carb comas if I indulge as well as dealing with newly diagnosed type II diabetes which I am actively fighting so I stave off a need for insulin as long as possible - not sure if that makes my life easier or not - but yes, it does help keep me mindful!  

I admire people like you who can work their way around food by adapting ingredients and adding protein to things to make them OK to eat etc - I really only eat food in its unprocessed state - you would probably die of boredom with my diet!!!

However, she claimed she was a medical professional and her husband is an MD, she was a lapband to RNY revision and yet saw little wrong with her 2-4 pack a day smoking habit and drinking wine at 6 days post op?   She is clearly an intelligent woman but doesn't seem to WANT to change her lifestyle at all to fit in with her new anatomy.  

I do get a sense sometimes that some people on here are not always as educated in life or WLS as some of us may be and struggle with what they are supposed to do or mis-interpret advice from their surgeons but when they post on here I always feel they are treated  with the utmost respect - even if their questions was asked and answered two posts down!

I find there are fewer sanctimonious posters on here than there ever were in the past - precisely because there are more long term vets around than ever before that have lived through the food struggles and regain etc and are happy to share those tales!