OT- suggestions for stopping negative self-talk?
For the Bariatric Foodie pledge this week, I pledged to give up negative self-talk. For reasons that are probably obvious, I don't think negative self-talk is useful or helpful or beneficial, and I think it can be pretty damaging at time. I was considering the idea of giving up negative self-talk for Lent, but I am not Catholic and when I was reading a little about Lent I realized it lasts 40 days or something and that seems like a very long time to commit to for me. So I decided to try it for one week and see how it goes.
I'm not entirely sure how to do it, though. I mean, on one hand the answer seems obvious, just don't do it. But if it was easy to just not do things, we would have just stopped eating before we got big enough to need WLS, right? My plan so far is to just tell myself, every time I notice I am starting any kind of negative self-talk, that I have given it up for one week and I can say something nice or I can not say anything at all, but I cannot continue the negative conversation until my week is up.
I know it would also seem to make sense to replace the negative self-talk with something positive. But how do you do that in moments when the positive things don't seem true?
I hope I'm making sense here. Anyone else struggle with this?
I'm not entirely sure how to do it, though. I mean, on one hand the answer seems obvious, just don't do it. But if it was easy to just not do things, we would have just stopped eating before we got big enough to need WLS, right? My plan so far is to just tell myself, every time I notice I am starting any kind of negative self-talk, that I have given it up for one week and I can say something nice or I can not say anything at all, but I cannot continue the negative conversation until my week is up.
I know it would also seem to make sense to replace the negative self-talk with something positive. But how do you do that in moments when the positive things don't seem true?
I hope I'm making sense here. Anyone else struggle with this?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Well...
This is just my opinion. I am probably not the best one to give advice because I just inherently don't do negative self-talk. Even when I gained, I was concerned about it but it didn't make me any less awesome.
Both positive and negative self talk are learned behaviors. They are deeply habitual. We do one or the other without thinking about it. We just do it.
Short of doing your own little "Pavlov's dog" type of deal, I'd say you're onto something about dissuading yourself from negative talk.
In the end, it's a choice you have to make. I look in the mirror some days and see a big whale. And I still tell that whale that she is beautiful. Not because it comes naturally to think that I look great no matter what, but that it comes naturally these days to practice acts of self-love. And telling myself I look like a whale is not an act of self-love.
So the deeper answer is you have to like yourself to not do negative self talk. You don't tend to insult things you truly like. But it seems to me you have a good, more immediate solution.
Good luck!
This is just my opinion. I am probably not the best one to give advice because I just inherently don't do negative self-talk. Even when I gained, I was concerned about it but it didn't make me any less awesome.
Both positive and negative self talk are learned behaviors. They are deeply habitual. We do one or the other without thinking about it. We just do it.
Short of doing your own little "Pavlov's dog" type of deal, I'd say you're onto something about dissuading yourself from negative talk.
In the end, it's a choice you have to make. I look in the mirror some days and see a big whale. And I still tell that whale that she is beautiful. Not because it comes naturally to think that I look great no matter what, but that it comes naturally these days to practice acts of self-love. And telling myself I look like a whale is not an act of self-love.
So the deeper answer is you have to like yourself to not do negative self talk. You don't tend to insult things you truly like. But it seems to me you have a good, more immediate solution.
Good luck!
I know it's a learned behavior and it is definitely habitual. I think you're right that liking myself (or liking myself more) would decrease the negative self-test, but I think it makes a viscious cycle, too; how can you build self-esteem if you're putting yourself down a lot? This seems like a good place to start.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
perhaps find some nice quotes of the day that will build you up, place them around the house on mirrors, kitchen cupboards, tv, puter screen etc...things like
"you're special", something as simple as that to more offical quotes of the day..just place them every where for the week..that way you are noticing the sticky notes all day long throughout the day...
i'll give you one from me, that you can use...
"you're greatly apprecated by many on here (OH) for all the hard work on vitamins that you freely give out"
debby
"you're special", something as simple as that to more offical quotes of the day..just place them every where for the week..that way you are noticing the sticky notes all day long throughout the day...
i'll give you one from me, that you can use...
"you're greatly apprecated by many on here (OH) for all the hard work on vitamins that you freely give out"
debby
I have a lot of issues with negative self talk. I'm getting better - I frequently remind myself that it is not ok to say things to myself that I wouldn't say to a friend. Also, I try to look at myself in the mirror from a distance and ask myself "does she look fat?" in a third person kind of way. After all, how can I be fat, if the girl in the mirror is not? Sometimes, I have to try to get a look in the mirror that doesn't include my head.
Guess that I have issues, huh? At least I see some improvement.
Laura
Guess that I have issues, huh? At least I see some improvement.
Laura
High Weight 278; consult weight 234; Surgery Weight 219 Surgeon's Goal Weight 150 -10/27/10 - Personal goal weight 140 - Achieved 12/11/10
I struggle with this very much as well.
I find myself constantly saying things throughout the day that beat myself up. I internalize everything.
About 2 months ago, I watched the movie "The Help." In it, the nanny lady kept saying to the little baby girl something along the lines of "You is smart. You is kind. You is important." So, whenever I can consciously be aware of myself talking negatively, I repeat this phrase 3 times to quiet myself. Somehow, it works.
Not all the time, but sometimes. I'm hoping therapy can help as well.
Steph
I find myself constantly saying things throughout the day that beat myself up. I internalize everything.
About 2 months ago, I watched the movie "The Help." In it, the nanny lady kept saying to the little baby girl something along the lines of "You is smart. You is kind. You is important." So, whenever I can consciously be aware of myself talking negatively, I repeat this phrase 3 times to quiet myself. Somehow, it works.
Not all the time, but sometimes. I'm hoping therapy can help as well.
Steph
If you look at your local library, you may find some good books on cogntive behavioural therapy. It's about changing your thoughts, words and actions.
Thoughts become words, words become actions.
You have to practice positive thinking. It's something you build over time.
And you have to get rid of that nasty all or nothing thinking. "playing whats the worst thing that can happen" game is an interesting scenario. Because when you really look at the worst thing that can happen in most scenarios, it's often not as bad as we make things out to be in our minds.
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patte rns.htm
Good luck to you,
Dawn
Thoughts become words, words become actions.
You have to practice positive thinking. It's something you build over time.
And you have to get rid of that nasty all or nothing thinking. "playing whats the worst thing that can happen" game is an interesting scenario. Because when you really look at the worst thing that can happen in most scenarios, it's often not as bad as we make things out to be in our minds.
http://www.cognitivetherapyguide.org/negative-thinking-patte rns.htm
Good luck to you,
Dawn
17+ years post op RNY. first year blog here or My LongTimer blog. Tummy Tuck Dr. Matic 2014 -Ohip funded panni
Windsor WLS support group.message me anytime!
HW:290 LW:139 RW: 167 CW: 139
Remember that Al Franken skit on Saturday Night Live from years ago? Honestly, it may be a place to start... it was called "Daily Affirmation" or something like that.
Kelly, you're so right that it's a catch-22... how can you build yourself up when you're fighting low self-esteem? That skit had the guy looking in the mirror and saying things like "You're handsome, you're smart enough, and gol-darn it, people like you!" (it was pretty amusing, especially the episode with Michael Jordan).
Anyway, perhaps a daily affirmation is a pattern to adopt... each morning when you first get up, take time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are fantastic, that you are a beautiful human being and that you can be as successful in your endeavors as you want to be. As they say, 'fake it til you make it'... and just telling yourself those things each day might plant the seed.
I might try it as well!
tori
Kelly, you're so right that it's a catch-22... how can you build yourself up when you're fighting low self-esteem? That skit had the guy looking in the mirror and saying things like "You're handsome, you're smart enough, and gol-darn it, people like you!" (it was pretty amusing, especially the episode with Michael Jordan).
Anyway, perhaps a daily affirmation is a pattern to adopt... each morning when you first get up, take time to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are fantastic, that you are a beautiful human being and that you can be as successful in your endeavors as you want to be. As they say, 'fake it til you make it'... and just telling yourself those things each day might plant the seed.
I might try it as well!
tori
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