Would you have ignored this woman, too, or am I being a b*tch?

 For those of you who were not around, or don't remember, the was a woman that I went to grad school with who made a nasty comment a couple of years ago (I don't remember exactly, but I think I had lost most of my weight and had already had my arms and panni done at that point but probably had not yet had my tummy tuck) when I ran into her at a store.  She had RNYa couple of years before I did, and her comment was that she would have expected me to be much smaller, especially my chest (I am still a DDD, sometimes DD cup).  She also later sent me a pissy email basically gelling me that she expected me to fail at keeping my weight off, so I just ignored her and have not seen or heard from her since then.

I saw her in a store yesterday.  I had my hair in a ponytail (at least it was clean!) and was wearing an oversized sweatshirt (I was dressed for the massage that didn't happen... and was already feeling cranky because of that) so wasn't exactly dressed to impress and after my last encounter with her, I just decided I didn't want to talk to her.  Unfortunately, she saw ME looking at her, and she thought it was rude that I wasn't going to stop to talk to her.  Let's see... first you told me that I didn't get as small as YOU thought I should have after surgery (well, excuuuuse me for inheriting big boobs and muscular thighs!) and then you send me email telling me that because I am still in counseling for rape trauma that I wouldn't be able to be successfull at keeping my weight off (I am up between 5-7 lbs from my lowest weight at 4.5 years out, thank you very much!).  Why should I WANT to talk to you?!?

Am I being a ***** for not wanting to talk to someone so negative about the best thing I have ever done for myself (even if I am not a size 6)?

Lora

 So what happened?  Did you talk to her?  

And no, you're not being a *****  You have to do what's best for you, including your blood pressure and your emotions.  She would have been good for neither.  Sometimes you have to remove toxic people from your life.

Once she came up to me, i had to do the polite chit-chat for a couple of minutes, and I did take the opportunity to mention that I am coming up on 5 years out just to point out  that, so far, her prediction of regain had not happened.  I also took the opprtunity to "inform" her -- ok, yes, I admit it... I was bragging -- that I had completed all the course work and was now just working to finish dissertation to complete my PhD!

Lora

Good for you.  Any in my opinion the only ***** in that conversation was HER.

You were under no obligation to approach her first, but chatting with her after she spoke to you was the right thing to do. You handled it perfectly.  

Being the ***** that I am, I have to ask, did she keep off her weight??

Laura

Almost all of it.  Probably just a 20 pound bounce back...  (it would have been great if she had gained some, though... LOL)

Lora

Lora, many words come to mind when I think of you - "*****" will never be one of them. You are not obligated to speak to anyone you don't wish to with no explanation needed. I would have done the same thing....orrrrr, maybe I would have talked to her so I could rub my success in her face - LOL!

 She got way more kindness out of you than I would have given her. But then again, I AM a petty ***** 
No, you would have been within all your rights to avoid her and not even acknowledge her presence. You don't have room in your life or in your thoughts for haters. Since she thinks so little of you to say the things she's said, why give her the space in your head to worry about if what you did was rude? And no, you weren't rude.

My opinion, no one is obligated to speak to anyone else. It's not being a ***** it's not being rude. I do talk with my hubby and kids when I may not be at my best, the rest of the world has to deal with what they get.

If someone isn't there to support you, to help 'row your boat forward' then you shouldn't go out of your way to engage them in conversation. Relationships should be about give and take, and I do not see someone who feels the need to spout negatives giving anything.

I agree with what the previous commenters have said. It's your choice whether to talk to anyone, including her, even after you make eye contact and she knows you've seen her. As women, we are taught from childhood that we should be friendly and nice to everyone. I think that undermines our human instinct to protect ourselves from mean or abusive people!