Pendulums and Continuums

I have a few friends who are considering WLS so of course they’ve been calling me asking me questions as they arise.

 

One question I think we, as WLSers, get asked a lot is if we are happy: with our decision, with our lives, with ourselves.

 

While I can give a resolute “yes!" to being happy with my decision to have RNY (especially as it relates to the existence of other types of WLS), the whole “happy with self and life" business is a bit more complex.

 

I was thinking about it this morning and I think it’s a matter of perspective. Many times we humans see things as a pendulum. Either something swings one way or it swings the other. Either you are happy or you are unhappy. Successful or unsuccessful. Committed or uncommitted.

 

My difficulty in saying, with full honesty, that I am happy with myself and my life after WLS lies in not really buying into that perspective. Rather, life to me is more like a continuum. There is where I started and then there is my ideal. On any given day I am somewhere between those two points.

 

So I am happier than I was as a 327 lb. person who had no sense of herself and no self-esteem. Yes that is true. But at the same time I’m sort of dissatisfied with my overall results and still work toward satisfaction. I am happier with my life than when I was dangerously ignorant of my food addiction and kept myself stuck in self destructive patterns, yes.

 

But there are parts of post-op life that, on some days, I truly detest. Some days I hate thinking about food and nutrition so much. I hate that by virtue of the fact that I had surgery, everyone and their mama feels they have the right to give input into my eating and food behavior. I hate that the fact that we don’t all get to (or zoom to) goal fosters a sense of unfairness in my heart. I hate that I can’t always see my progress when I look at myself in the mirror.

But all that sounds kinda lame if you tell a person seeking advice, doesn’t it? It almost sounds like a put down on the process to say that you happier and not happy.

 

Ah well, it’s what I say nonetheless. If anything good can come of the chaos in my mind most days, I would hope fostering a realistic view of post-op life (and the fact that, frankly, WLS is not the answer to all your life, psychological or spiritual problems) is one of them.

That hits the nail right on the head.

I think that happiness with WLS and happiness with life both have two major things in common.  The road to either is a journey without a destination, so they require constant vigilance.  Both also require perspective.  What makes you happy today in life or WLS results might not make you happy tomorrow, and that is hard to accept because some people expect "to get there".  In my experience, people who are constantly chasing "happiness" don't realize just how happy they are.  There are no award ceremonies or fireworks, it just depends on your perspective on your individual journey.

Absolutely agree with your analogy.

 I hate answering that question.

I have.  Probably 5-6 posts worth.

Thing is:  My answer changes depending on what's going on.

Yep. And I get the question. If I had half an ounce of sense pre-op I might have asked it.

And I always either feel dishonest (I love my RNY!) or like I am over complicating things when I give an answer. So now I mostly just skip the question.

 "And I always either feel dishonest (I love my RNY!) or like I am over complicating things when I give an answer. So now I mostly just skip the question."

Ditto.  Repeat.

I usually just tell people that I am generally much happier than I was at my highest weight because the daily physical and emotional strain of being SMO has been lifted, but that having had the surgery also has some drawbacks and that losing weight does not solve every problem in one's life.

Lora

 Nik, the idea of continuum is a MUCH healthier concept than either/or. As cheesy as this sounds, I really do believe that happiness is a journey, not a destination. 

So........ I am not going to answer your question of what do you say when folks ask "the" question.  But I have a comment.

In my profession people ask me questions but I know what they really need to know so I give them answers to the questions they didn't ask.  I do this all day, every day, because I am an expert in my profession.

I am not an expert in WLS even though I am a success story.

When potential WLS folks ask me if I am happy with my decision, or if I am happy with my weight loss or any other type of question................. I truly focus on answering the question they ask.  Nothing more. 

Remember, we all learn at a different pace and level.  I didn't ask a lot of questions pre-surgery that others think of now.  But there were a whole host of things I needed to know that people still don't seem interested to learn.

Because sometimes a "Hi, how are you" is really their way of saying hello.

My .02 worth.