What Whitney Houston's death can teach us about the RNY board on OH

While some might argue that the singers death was unsurprising, even inevitable (the cost of fame, etc.), something sticks out in my mind as a lesson from the tragic event that happened this past weekend.

Of course this morning all the morning shows were covering Whitney’s death, each with their own set of “insiders" and people who had interacted with her in the days, weeks and months before her death.

 

And the thing I kept hearing from these people was that two months ago she was fine. She was healthy and vibrant and seemed very much on the way to a comeback.

 

But then, something changed.

 

A reporter on the Today Show said he encountered Whitney just a few days ago, looking and sounding disconnected with the smell of cigarettes and alcohol on her breath. Another who had interviewed her months ago said that when she first encountered Whitney last fall she was “perfectly polished" but that by early January, “something was off."

 

Last week we had some threads about supposed “mean spiritedness" on this board. Whether that exists and the extent to WHICH it exists, I know not. I’ve become particularly adept at avoiding negativity here. BUT I think there’s a take away for us.

None of those reporters in Whitney’s case wrote about the changes they saw. They chose to focus on other things, saying they felt bad for her. It’s increasingly apparent that none of the people in her so-called entourage intervened, possibly for fear of her wrath (I have heard more than once that Whitney is not called a diva for nothing). Had any of these people had license to speak up, to tell her the truth, and probably offend her and hurt her feelings in the process, who knows what might have happened.

True, we don’t yet know what killed this superstar, but I think we can all safely say if there had been some interventions, society might not be automatically assuming drug overdose.

I don’t blame Whitney’s family and friends for this. If she was not open to intervention, or at least trusting in the good will of people who loved her, there was really nothing they could do.

 

The same applies here. We could be a board of sunshine and rainbows. We could gloss over what is obviously bad judgment. We could tell you what you want to hear so that you don’t feel bad about yourself, after years of feeling bad about yourself on account of obesity.

 

And you can end up, metaphorically, in the same place so many people like Whitney have ended up. Losing the battle.

 

I personally strive to respect each person’s human dignity on this board. I will never judge your character by your food decisions. I will never deem you a bad person because you do the things that you do, good or bad.

 

But I will tell you if I think you’re being self-destructive. I will tell you if I think your way of thinking will shoot you in the foot later on down the line. And I will not back down just because you’ve expressed that that opinion is hurtful because, in short, sometimes the truth hurts but it’s a pain we need to feel.

 

I welcome any thoughts to what I’ve presented but in closing I guess I’ll just say, be careful who you surround yourself with. Yes people will tell you yes, but at what cost to you?  Even if someone in life – on this board, at your job, in your home – IS adversarial toward you, there is truth in opposition. One of the best things any of us can do for ourselves is to learn to operate outside our own egos and see the truth in the opposition and use it to make yourself better.

So beautifully said... I concur wholeheartedly. 


tori

We seriously need a like button around here!

I'm in total agreement Nik.  While support is necessary for this journey, sometimes....OFTEN TIMES, we need someone who will give us the unadulterated/non watered down truth.  And sometimes its like getting punched in the gut to see/read the truth in that form.  But what separates the winners from the losers is how you take that sucker punch and how you use it to motivate you.  Hurt feelings are OK...normal and to be expected.  So go off and lick your wounds (lord knows I've had to lick my share) but don't stay there licking them forever.  Get up, process that information, use it however you see fit, and come back swinging at this battle we're all fighting.  

:)

Yeah, that's the point I was trying to make and I am so glad you get it. I am not for violating people's dignity. I'm not for unnecessary cattyness. But on the occasions I actually follow the history of some of these accusations, it seems to me that there was a schism between what a poster expected and what they were given. And while this can happen sometimes, I hope that everyone here understands support, like the most functional of bras, is not always comfortable, but it does get the job done.

 

Awesome points! Wish we had a like button!

THANK YOU!!  gave me a real thinker this AM, thank you , thank  you, and well said as usual, Denise

I agree it is so important to have a support system that is HONEST with you. 

 I was just discussing this same thing with one of my girlfriends.  It's like so many people are coming forward saying they saw things were off or had a feeling something was very wrong, but no one ever tried to intervene.  No one asked her "Sister, are you okay?  You look like you need some help."  It's like being able to prevent a car crash but deciding to ignore it since, hey it's not MY car, maybe someone else will stop the wreck from happening.

I only hope that if someone sees me taking a wrong path or making bad choices, that they would bring it to my attention... call me out... challenge me.  I honestly don't need "yes men" in my life, I need honesty.. nothing more nothing less.  That's why i come to this board, since no one really knows more about me than what I put on here I look for people to tell me the truth,  even if it hurts.

Thanks so much for this post NIk and everyone who has responded thus far.


And R.I.P Ms Diva Whitney.  We will never know all of the demons you were facing but you are definitely in a better place now.

I truly believe we need to surround ourselves with some people who will say no! If everyone in your life tells you yes, then when you are being self destructive no one will stop you. We can be our own worst enemies, it is just the nature of choice. It is sad but true, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Amy Winehouse were all their own worst enemies never thinking their actions would lead to their final consequences and surrounding themselves with people who catered to their every whim. Sadly, I was not surprised about Whitney nor would I be surprised about a few other superstars.

That is why, as an educator, I try to impart some wisdom on my students about their choices. It is also why I get so frustrated with some of my parents who do not let their children suffer the consequences of their actions. These children have so many gifts and abilities but don't always use them because no one tells them no. The world needs to change and see the world differently. Respect, responsibility, and making good decisons are the path we need to be on and if I can get my students to be on that path, I have done something right.

In regards to our weightloss and our journeys, we need people to tell us no! Don't eat that or drink that its not good for you. On these boards, I appreciate the honesty, the joys and the sorrows, the people who are trying to change their lives one day at a time. I come here for information, support, and sometimes that slap in the head to push me back to where I should be.

I promise to be honest and open with everyone on this board because I want to live my life to the fullest! On December 20th, I got my second chance and no one. not even me is going to let that chance slip away!

Teri-Lynn
POI

 

Very, Very well said!