Random Poll: What is your deepest, darkest fear about WLS or WLS-lifestyle?

I have two fears - the first one is that I will fail. That I will one day just give up, and gain the weight back. My other fear is that I will get too skinny, because I am not eating all the protein and foods I need. (I have a long ways to go, for that to happen, but it is a thought.....)

I'm 8 1/2 months out, and my biggest fear is regain.  Is there anything that can prepare us for our journey?  For the total reinventing of one's physical self?  The mind is so complex, as are feelings, and my fear of regain stems not from food or exercises, but rather from a dark place in my soul that questions whether I deserve to be fit and healthy.  I'm not sure that makes any sense, but it's what worries me the most.  My entire life I've counted/relied on food to wash away my anxieties and fears, and without that crutch I'm worried that my mind will start to turn on me and make me start doubting my worthiness to be normal sized.  Then I start worrying that I'm worrying too much about it and I worry more. A vicious cycle.

 

to be completely frank.... I am afraid of dying on the operating table.

 I have a hx of 2 PE's (1999 & 2004) and am on a blood thinner.  The plan is to put an IVC filter in two weeks prior.    

Seven years ago, after my second PE... I went to see the surgeon about RNY and he said that if we did it, I would end up on a respirator/iron lung for up to 6 weeks after.    Since then, I have found out that surgeon changed his life course and profession and is now a priest.... LOL. Since that time I have been working out with a trainer, in the pool doing exercises, 3 times a week .... I have improved my lung function and a1c considerably.... And all my doctors feel that I am physically ready to handle it.

But... I am terrified of dying or ending up on a breathing apparatus or getting another PE. 

I had DVT and PEs in 2005 or 2006. I was also worried about this with the surgery. I had my IVC filter put in on 1/16 and had my surgery on 1/18.

After the surgery, they put those pump things on your legs to help prevent DVT and you are also up and walking usually the same day so that helps.

Were you on blood thinners when you got either of your PEs? Just curious.

I wasn't active at all prior to surgery so at least you have that going for you!

I hope this helps ease your mind a little. I'll be prayin for ya!

 I wasn't on blood thinners prior to my DVT/PE's.... 

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me...  It's nice to know someone who has had a similar issues prior... and has had the surgery and done well.    :)

What caused your previous PE's?

Perhaps, by having the surgery, you will decrease your risk of a PE in the future? :)

If you're having this done laparoscopically, it is very easy to get up and walk around after the surgery.  Walking didn't hurt.  Pulling myself to a sitting position only caused mild discomfort (like I did too many sit-ups type of feeling).  

They're putting in an IVC filter (which is great!) and they'll use pneumo boots, AND you'll be able to get up and walk once you're out of recovery (insist on it, I did and the nurses were proud! :) you are doing everything you can to reduce your risk.    

Try to let these things bring you peace of mind.  ((hugs))

 My first PE was a caused by a combo of birth control (which had estrogen in it) and flying....  Thoughts i had a pulled muscle in my leg and ran around Disney for 10 days on a DVT, which became a PE right after I flew back home.    

Second was after a 17 hour flight home from Hong Kong.... Came home with pneumonia and pleurisy... Was put on a ton of pain meds and bed rest for awhile.   Boom... That's when I got the 2nd one.   

Hematologist put me on blood thinner for life and did testing to see if hereditary or if I am prone to them..... Tests came back negative - doc said both were jut a fluke.  

I have had an IVC filter before... It was supposed to be permanent .... However in error a temp one was placed, and it had to be removed - beyond the timeline a temp one should be.   

So needless to say, I'm super nervous.    But thank you for your reply... Does ease my mind a bit.  

- Apple. :)

I'm afraid I will like my body even less when I lose all the weight than I did when I started.

You know, had I had enough sense to go into this with any fears (which would have required me being engaged in my own process) I think that might have been one of them. And it would have been well placed.

Here's the blunt truth: You probably won't like your body at first at least. NOT necessarily because of the weight loss but because, as humans, we are so damn self critical. No matter who you are or what size you started out, you see flaws in your own body. Many people think simply losing the weight will make them like their body but there is ALWAYS something you can criticize.

Self acceptance, self esteem, is very much a CHOICE. Even skinny people have to "choose" to like themselves amidst a culture that thrives on insecurity. So that is to say that even if what you see before you when you lose the weight isn't perfect, dammit you can choose to like it anyway!

I hope you do. Because you deserve that.

I so hear you on this one... I think I might be living it, actually.

I'm two years out and 130 pounds down... and have been maintaining in that range for about 10 months now.  Yes, I am smaller... yes, I feel better and healthier.  Yes, I can honestly say I look better in clothes...

It's humbling to admit it and hard to acknowledge, but I don't like my body now.. I don't look in the mirror and like who I am now any more than I did pre-op.  I didn't like it 130 pounds ago either, granted... but I thought for sure I'd like how I look better now.  I don't.  I look down and see all the lose skin and flab and I honestly can't say what's worse... looking down and not liking your body because it's fat and not liking your body because it's covered with a saggy, loose covering. AT least when my body was covered with fat, I could convince myself that losing weight would make it better.  Now, having lost that weight, the only thing that could possibly make the appearance better is plastics which I doubt I'll ever be able to afford.  Chances are that even if I DID have plastics, I wouldn't have the body I unrealistically want... it's a psychological trap.

I have mental work to do, obviously... this is proof to me that even though I was told that losing weight wouldn't make everything suddenly wonderful in life, I didn't fully believe it.  When you've spent all your life wishing you were thin, you truly think that just losing the weight will have such a deep impact on your psyche, on your state of mind, on how you view yourself. Now instead of hating my body because it's fat, I hate it because it's still not slim and toned and more 'perfect'.

There's bigger issues at work in my head than weight... I obviously haven't learned to appreciate myself for who I am and am stuck in that ugly place where negative self-talk and perception rules me.  It's scary.

But they say that self-awareness is the first step to healing... so I'm trying.

My best advice to you would be to work on the internal issues you have now and while you lose weight... so that once you reach your weight loss goal you still are grasping for that which can bring you self-acceptance.

Much luck to you in your journey.


tori