Do you know how important YOU are to this board?
I get the same feeling too, sometimes and the sycophancy makes me cringe ... On principle, I don't contribute to threads that are addressed to a specific person - it's as if people don't understand the concept of PM or think that only one person at a time has knowledge on certain subjects!
Having said that, Lady Tazz, I think you have a lot to offer and those that ignore your advice do so at their peril! You have a lot of experience to offer and I value your contribution enormously!
I do think that if you are going to thank one person in a thread for their advice, you should thank everybody but then I believe that to be just good manners!
Having said that, Lady Tazz, I think you have a lot to offer and those that ignore your advice do so at their peril! You have a lot of experience to offer and I value your contribution enormously!
I do think that if you are going to thank one person in a thread for their advice, you should thank everybody but then I believe that to be just good manners!
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
Thank you, Kim! Sometimes I wonder if people don't want to hear my message, that you can fail at WLS and it does involve more then just eating less.
It's just that I hope that what I went through can be a learning opportunity for others and that it wasn't all for nothing. We can learn from people who have been successful but we can also learn from those who haven't been.
It's just that I hope that what I went through can be a learning opportunity for others and that it wasn't all for nothing. We can learn from people who have been successful but we can also learn from those who haven't been.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
I am sorry that you feel that your voice is not heard. I have a couple of questions and comments, and none of them are intended to be confrontational...
First, how would someone else already having posted a reply to someone make you feel "useless in terms of offering support"? I can see that if someone is asking a specific question that requires as a specific concrete answer, you would not reply if one or two (or three) people have already answered it (MOST people won't, because it would be pointless), but if someone is having a difficult time with something and asking for encouragement or suggestions, why would you NOT still post? Someone who needs encouragement will certainly be MORE encouraged by MORE replies even if they all say basically the same thing. If they are looking for suggestions, the fact that six different people suggested the same thing (or very similar things) means that it is something that has been useful to a lot of people rather than something that one person just happened to stumble upon that worked for them.
Second, not everyone answers EVERY post or even the majority of posts, but your comment makes it sound that way. Yes, Kelly is going to reply to most posts that are vitamin related because that is her passion and that is an area where she has a lot of knowledge. There are specific types of posts that I am likely to reply to because they are topics that I feel passionately about and I have experience with or knowledge about (mental health issues and thy psychological aspects of the weight loss journey, for example). You will NOT, however, generally find any kind of reply from Kelly or I to posts about exercise (I almost never even open them) because that is NOT an area that either of us has any interest in or special knowledge of. There are a couple of other people who are very likely to respond to those.
Third, I am not sure what it is that you would like to see happen. Would you want some of us who answer a lot of posts to just ignore posts for a certain period of time and wait for you or someone else to answer them? Would you like there to be a daily limit on how many posts one person can reply to? Something else? Yes, those questions are somewhat rhetorical, but the preceeding statement is not.
If you want to "hear all voices, not just one or two", then you need to add yours. I am not sure why you think that your replies/posts are ignored. I personally think you provide some very thoughtful replies... and I would tell you that there have been times when ALL of us have felt like we were talking to the air.
Lora
First, how would someone else already having posted a reply to someone make you feel "useless in terms of offering support"? I can see that if someone is asking a specific question that requires as a specific concrete answer, you would not reply if one or two (or three) people have already answered it (MOST people won't, because it would be pointless), but if someone is having a difficult time with something and asking for encouragement or suggestions, why would you NOT still post? Someone who needs encouragement will certainly be MORE encouraged by MORE replies even if they all say basically the same thing. If they are looking for suggestions, the fact that six different people suggested the same thing (or very similar things) means that it is something that has been useful to a lot of people rather than something that one person just happened to stumble upon that worked for them.
Second, not everyone answers EVERY post or even the majority of posts, but your comment makes it sound that way. Yes, Kelly is going to reply to most posts that are vitamin related because that is her passion and that is an area where she has a lot of knowledge. There are specific types of posts that I am likely to reply to because they are topics that I feel passionately about and I have experience with or knowledge about (mental health issues and thy psychological aspects of the weight loss journey, for example). You will NOT, however, generally find any kind of reply from Kelly or I to posts about exercise (I almost never even open them) because that is NOT an area that either of us has any interest in or special knowledge of. There are a couple of other people who are very likely to respond to those.
Third, I am not sure what it is that you would like to see happen. Would you want some of us who answer a lot of posts to just ignore posts for a certain period of time and wait for you or someone else to answer them? Would you like there to be a daily limit on how many posts one person can reply to? Something else? Yes, those questions are somewhat rhetorical, but the preceeding statement is not.
If you want to "hear all voices, not just one or two", then you need to add yours. I am not sure why you think that your replies/posts are ignored. I personally think you provide some very thoughtful replies... and I would tell you that there have been times when ALL of us have felt like we were talking to the air.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I am talking about posts that specifically ask for advice in areas such as eating certain foods or overcoming stalls, things like that. When a person needs support I try to respond if I am able to but when someone asks things that require an answer I feel like by the time I get there everything I would have said has already been said. I certainly don't want to be repetitive. If i can't add anything to the conversation I don't respond.
I don't want to say anything that might be taken the wrong way but how can I add my voice when it has already been discussed and answered? I guess I could say "I agree with so and so" but that is kind of redundant.
I'm really not upset that people don't respond to my posts. That isn't a big deal. It's when people are singled out as being the most helpful on the board and others who feel like they try to be helpful aren't good enough to give their opinion. That is no body's fault and I'm certainly not going to tell people how to post or how they should feel. I am just stating how I feel. I sure don't want any threads started about me. I believe that if people appreciate you then they will show it, as it's been evidenced, so I must not be appreciated. My knowledge and experience doesn't have the same value as others. Maybe it's in the delivery or maybe it just isn't the kind of knowledge and experience people want to hear about. It's not a reflection on anyone who is appreciated or the people who are appreciating them. It's just about how I feel when that happens, over and over.
I do appreciate Nik for trying to make everyone feel valued and important instead of giving shout outs to certain people.
I probably sound like a whiny baby. It has nothing to do about anyone else and there is nothing that I could suggest to change it. It's just the way it is.
I don't want to say anything that might be taken the wrong way but how can I add my voice when it has already been discussed and answered? I guess I could say "I agree with so and so" but that is kind of redundant.
I'm really not upset that people don't respond to my posts. That isn't a big deal. It's when people are singled out as being the most helpful on the board and others who feel like they try to be helpful aren't good enough to give their opinion. That is no body's fault and I'm certainly not going to tell people how to post or how they should feel. I am just stating how I feel. I sure don't want any threads started about me. I believe that if people appreciate you then they will show it, as it's been evidenced, so I must not be appreciated. My knowledge and experience doesn't have the same value as others. Maybe it's in the delivery or maybe it just isn't the kind of knowledge and experience people want to hear about. It's not a reflection on anyone who is appreciated or the people who are appreciating them. It's just about how I feel when that happens, over and over.
I do appreciate Nik for trying to make everyone feel valued and important instead of giving shout outs to certain people.
I probably sound like a whiny baby. It has nothing to do about anyone else and there is nothing that I could suggest to change it. It's just the way it is.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
I have started "thank you" posts to Nik. She pretty much everyday posts something challenging, inspiring, though provoking and asks folks to comment on it. Her recipes have made it so much easier for a non-cook to learn to make meals for my now bedridden mom.
Could I have sent a PM? Yep... but I wanted everyone to know that Nik has provided that information so they have the same sources as me.
I don't post threads often, so you haven't had a chance to respond to me perhaps. But if I did, and it wasn't something that could be answered with a concrete "yes" "no" etc, then I would certainly hope anyone with your surgery experience would post SOMETHING. If you just say "I've been there" it means I am not alone in a very different world after WLS.
Just saying.
Could I have sent a PM? Yep... but I wanted everyone to know that Nik has provided that information so they have the same sources as me.
I don't post threads often, so you haven't had a chance to respond to me perhaps. But if I did, and it wasn't something that could be answered with a concrete "yes" "no" etc, then I would certainly hope anyone with your surgery experience would post SOMETHING. If you just say "I've been there" it means I am not alone in a very different world after WLS.
Just saying.
There is nothing wrong with posting "thank you" posts. That is very kind and supporting.
There is nothing wrong with being acknowledged and appreciated for what you do.
I was just having a little pity party. Poor me. No body loves me, every body hates me. I guess I'll go eat some worms.
There is nothing wrong with being acknowledged and appreciated for what you do.
I was just having a little pity party. Poor me. No body loves me, every body hates me. I guess I'll go eat some worms.
WLS 10/28/2002 Revision 7/23/2010
High Weight (2002) 240 Revision Weight (2010) 220 Current Weight 115.
Thanks for clarifying.
I'm truly sorry that you feel that your input is not appreciated. I cannot imagine that other people DON'T appreciate your input (as I said, I think you have some very insightful replies), but I certainly can understand that it is painful if that is the way it feels to you.
I think that perhaps one thing that comes into play here -- or I could be all wet -- is that there are certain topics that more people are openly concerned about. Everyone needs vitamins, exercise, and food... so there are lots of posts on vitamins or on food suggestions... and those are topics that generally require more concrete answers/responses and those are topics that are easier to acknowledge help regarding. Topics that are related to psychological/emotional issues or to "failure" or regain are less concrete and are much more difficult for people to ask about (often, the advice is only indirectly solicited or is completely UNsolicited) let alone acknowledge receiving help with. Your experience with surgery and "failure" and revision is, I am sure, extremely valuable to the people who are facing simnilar cir****tances... and you have BEEN there whereas many of us have not... but people are much less likely, IMO, to be public about needing and receiving help with "failure" or with struggling with the resurfacing of emotional eating patterns are more limited in number and are not likely to want to draw attention to themselves by posting a thread thanking person xxx for their help with their emotional eating issues. (Does that make any sense at all?!? It seems like I should have been able to articulate my thoughts in fewer words than this, but I am running on only 3.5 hours of sleep last night, so I hope this makes sense.)
I often feel like I am talking to the air when I try to emphasize to people that the emotional and psychological issues that contributed to their obesity in the first place are not going to just magically go away after surgery and need to be dealt with in order to be successful long-term. People don't want to hear that, no matter how true it is, and I know that... so I don't expect them to acknowledge it. I continue talking to the air because I know it is important and I believe that there is at least someone out there somewhere who will benefit from it... and I would encourage you to do the same with your experience with revision.
If you are feeling this way, there are likely others feeling this way, too, but who are not courageous enough to say so... so your voice is important in this regard, too.
Lora
I'm truly sorry that you feel that your input is not appreciated. I cannot imagine that other people DON'T appreciate your input (as I said, I think you have some very insightful replies), but I certainly can understand that it is painful if that is the way it feels to you.
I think that perhaps one thing that comes into play here -- or I could be all wet -- is that there are certain topics that more people are openly concerned about. Everyone needs vitamins, exercise, and food... so there are lots of posts on vitamins or on food suggestions... and those are topics that generally require more concrete answers/responses and those are topics that are easier to acknowledge help regarding. Topics that are related to psychological/emotional issues or to "failure" or regain are less concrete and are much more difficult for people to ask about (often, the advice is only indirectly solicited or is completely UNsolicited) let alone acknowledge receiving help with. Your experience with surgery and "failure" and revision is, I am sure, extremely valuable to the people who are facing simnilar cir****tances... and you have BEEN there whereas many of us have not... but people are much less likely, IMO, to be public about needing and receiving help with "failure" or with struggling with the resurfacing of emotional eating patterns are more limited in number and are not likely to want to draw attention to themselves by posting a thread thanking person xxx for their help with their emotional eating issues. (Does that make any sense at all?!? It seems like I should have been able to articulate my thoughts in fewer words than this, but I am running on only 3.5 hours of sleep last night, so I hope this makes sense.)
I often feel like I am talking to the air when I try to emphasize to people that the emotional and psychological issues that contributed to their obesity in the first place are not going to just magically go away after surgery and need to be dealt with in order to be successful long-term. People don't want to hear that, no matter how true it is, and I know that... so I don't expect them to acknowledge it. I continue talking to the air because I know it is important and I believe that there is at least someone out there somewhere who will benefit from it... and I would encourage you to do the same with your experience with revision.
If you are feeling this way, there are likely others feeling this way, too, but who are not courageous enough to say so... so your voice is important in this regard, too.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
(Two request: #1 please don't start a "Nik!" chain after me saying this and #2 I own my feelings. They don't HAVE to be rational or make sense to anyone but me.)
This thread makes me wonder if folks SHOULD cycle off of the board. I mean would the board be better off without folks like me who post and are loud? I am coming from a 100% honest place here. I will say I do NOT have any plans to leave the board. You all are sort of stuck with me. I am your burden to bear, so to speak.
One of my biggest goals on this board is to paint a picture of a different kind of post-op life. One where we are not apologetic of our mistakes, but students of them. One where we are allowed to believe in ourselves and think we are kinda cool. A life where we are allowed to be wise and ****** up all in the same breath.
If that overshadows others, I don't exactly know what to say about that, as I am me. I can't be anybody else. I spent 31 years burying me under piles of fat and I just can't do it anymore. So I'm loud and I brag and I admonish and muse and offer advice and sometimes I'm nice, sometimes snarky, but overall my sincerest hope is that if someone thinks of me they think that maybe, just maybe the world won't end if they just embraced being themselves.
I guess so long as I need this place I'll stick around but this whole sub-thread has made me think. I need to chew on this.
This thread makes me wonder if folks SHOULD cycle off of the board. I mean would the board be better off without folks like me who post and are loud? I am coming from a 100% honest place here. I will say I do NOT have any plans to leave the board. You all are sort of stuck with me. I am your burden to bear, so to speak.
One of my biggest goals on this board is to paint a picture of a different kind of post-op life. One where we are not apologetic of our mistakes, but students of them. One where we are allowed to believe in ourselves and think we are kinda cool. A life where we are allowed to be wise and ****** up all in the same breath.
If that overshadows others, I don't exactly know what to say about that, as I am me. I can't be anybody else. I spent 31 years burying me under piles of fat and I just can't do it anymore. So I'm loud and I brag and I admonish and muse and offer advice and sometimes I'm nice, sometimes snarky, but overall my sincerest hope is that if someone thinks of me they think that maybe, just maybe the world won't end if they just embraced being themselves.
I guess so long as I need this place I'll stick around but this whole sub-thread has made me think. I need to chew on this.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
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