OT- rambling and depressed
This is gonna be me rambling here. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, exactly. Maybe just to know if anyone else has felt this way.
This afternoon I kind of realized that I am feeling very dissatisfied with my life, lately. Don’t ask me why it took me this long to figure this out. But for the past year, my depression has been pretty bad (yes, I am getting treatment for it, it’s just not helping very much). It really takes all my energy just to do the basic stuff – take a shower, take care of the cats, cook dinner, wash the dishes, do the laundry. I do work part time as a freelance writer and have been working a lot less over the past year than I used to, since the depression has been so bad. It’s not an exciting job, though; for instance, I just finished writing a series of ten articles about eczema. I’ve also written on topics like mold, bedbugs, acne and warts.
So, unsurprisingly, I’m bored. Yeah, this exciting stuff takes all my energy, but I’m still bored. It’s not satisfying. The most creative thing I do is cook dinner and I am not a great cook. I feel like I don’t get to do anything that I’m really good at, if that makes sense. When I was able to work (I’ve been on SSDI for almost ten years now, due to depression and PTSD), I worked with teenagers in an anger management program. It was challenging and never boring and I was good at it. Somehow cooking dinner and writing about eczema is not a good substitute for that.
Before someone suggests that I get a job, that’s really not an option. I could probably get one. However, due to the depression, I would end up missing too many days and would not be able to keep a job. That’s why I freelance – I can work whatever hours I want, turn down jobs if I need time off, etc. That usually doesn’t work so well with a “real job."
But how do you accept that you’re never going to have the life you wanted to have? That you still want to have? How do you learn to find contentment with washing dishes and doing laundry?
And I know my life really isn’t that bad. It just feels bad right now. I’m not satisfied.
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
But you, Kelly, have a lot to offer. Many people on this forum look to you for advice and guidance and they trust your expertise. So there's one thing you do that you're really good at, and it means a lot to the people who seek your advice. Perhaps you could look into a remote, advisory opportunity in this field. In the ever expanding world of social media, there may be a role or partnership that you can propose--maybe to an insurance company or hospital, where you can act as an advisor. I know it will take energy that you may not feel you have at the moment, but it's just a thought.
Take care and best of luck to you.
I think it's possible to find at partner at any age. But I'm sure not going to try to tell you I'm sure you'll find someone because of course I have no way of knowing that, and we both know it's possible you might not. I also think it's possible to be happy alone, but it can sure be lonely at times.
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.