Ashamed

I'm almost 4 years out since my RNY and up until a year ago I was doing well.  But 2011 was an awful year: my sister-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer, my mom died and one of my son's best friends died.  It was a very stressful year and I have handled it terribly.  I'm so ashamed - I've put on about 35 lbs and can't seem to get myself under control.  My biggest change has been lack of exercise.  After my surgery I was walking every day - no excuses - and now I don't walk at all.  Although I haven't gone back to all of my bad eating habits, I still eat way too much especially carbs.  I even eat candy now which I hardly ever did even before my surgery.  So I'm reaching out to anyone who's been in a similar situation or can provide me with boost I need to get myself back on track.  I'm so scared to go back to the way I was before.  Please help me!!

 Sorry to hear you had such a rough year. I know the feeling. You did this before and you can do it again. You made it through last year by being strong, and you can do it again by being strong and having a good support group here at OH. Good luck and stay strong.

First off, I wish I could give you a hug, but here's a virtual one.

Frankly, I think you're being a bit hard on yourself.

YES, you backslid into some less-than-great eating patterns and behaviors.

And YES, you need to get that under control.

But you are human. And fallible. As are the rest of us.

So the first thing I'd encourage you to do is drop the shame. It impedes the process of taking responsibility and moving forward. Shame is something we try to hide or bury. It makes us recoil from people and things that can help us. Forgive yourself for the past year and resolve to make THIS year better.

Now...having said that, I need to dust off yet another of my grandma's famous sayings.

"Ain't nothin' to it but to do it."

That is to say, if you want to start walking again, go take a walk. DO NOT make any statement resolving to walk every day for a week or a month. Just go take a walk today.

And if you want to start eating better, decide now when and what your next meal will be. DO NOT make any statement resolving to never eat carbs or to do only protein shakes or anything crazy like that. Just plan your next meal. That's all.

Why? Because small and achievable goals work better than big, lofty ones. It's ok to have a long-term goal (to get back to your lowest weight) but it takes a million little goals to get you there. Focusing on them, and letting yourself be empowered by each one you achieve, will help move you toward your bigger goal.

You still have the tools to lose the weight. I am in a similar place to you. I had some regain. But I won't let shame take me down and don't you do it either!

Keep fighting for yourself. You are worth it.

I second what Nik said!

Hugs to you!

What done is done.  Don't beat yourself up.  Let it go and move forward.

Is couseling a possibility for you?  Having gone through what you have been there it would certainly be of help to have someone to talk things out with.

You can do it!.  I will be praying for you.

 Sorry about your mom and your sister in law.

Take it one day at a time, even one meal at a time.  Try to cut out carbs little by little.  Just say, "I'm not going to eat bread at lunch"  This makes it more managable.  

You can totally take off 35 lbs. It won't come off as fast as it did 4 years ago, but it will.  You have caught this before it got to out of control so that is a good thing.  Stop being ashamed!  I cheat and eat candy too sometimes.  My assistant brought cherry m&m's to class yesterday and I had to threaten her to put them away! 

Stay on the board, it keeps you motivated, especially when you hear how excited people are when they get their surgery date, it reminds you that YOU HAVE HAD IT!  It stills works for you if you work it

You may be having an episode of depression also - due to all the issues during 2011.  Perhaps a councelor to help with that may work.

PUt the candy and carbs in trash and dust off those walking shoes..  :) CHIP UP its a new day.. focus one meal at a time. and try to get a small walk in to get you back on track.

GOod luck to you!
Stacy

CHIN UP   LOL sorry typo!

Thanks everyone!!  All of your responses made me feel better.  I'm going to truly try to stick with making only small goals for myself.  But more importantly I think some of you may be right about the depression/counseling thing.  I have counseling coverage through work and can get some counseling sessions for free.  I think that could really help with the shame and guilt I'm having.  I'm also going to come back to this site on a more regular basis - it's what kept me motivated for the first couple years after my surgery and I should never have stopped.  Thank you all for your words of encouragement and suggestions - it means a lot to know you all care! Hugs!