Sorry fellas...what you see is NOT what you get...

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while but was skittish (I know right? Me? Skittish? Get outta here!).

I suppose I could post on the sex board but…I don’t want to. Plus it’s applicable to the long-term journey of us single ladies.

(Married ladies…love you though I do…if I see a SINGLE post thanking the Lord – or any other deity – that you don’t have to go through this, I will cut you! Nik loves you. But she will cut!)

So I’m maintaining. I’m stable. And MOST of you have, at some point in your time at OH seen a pic of me (because I am a shameless ham). What you see, and what potential suitors see, is a relatively well put together woman. She’s wearing a nice outfit, has some kind of hairdo. But she’s also wearing LOTS of shape wear to hide the flub. She’s got a good bra to boost her girls up and other underthings to suck in, poke out, hide or accentuate what I want, where I want.

To add insult to injury…it isn’t even my real hair!!! I have alopecia, which means I am slowly and systematically going bald. So while I OWN my hair…it is not mine by nature.

But there’s a time in the dating life of MOST modern women that you’re going to get naked with someone.

Now…theoretically…if you are at that point you should trust them enough to tell them about your process. This is true. BUT that doesn’t stop me from worrying how the REAL Nikki…the one without the wig with droopy parts and flubby skin, might come off to a boyfriend in a situation of any level of nudity (even so much as wearing a bathing suit to the beach).

I can’t afford plastics. So tell me…how do I get over these hang-ups? I hear lots of folks say they feel like a phony in this process because they seem to think they are claiming victory that isn’t theirs. (Ludicrous, I say.) But I REALLY feel like I am false advertising.

Because what you SEE is not necessarily what you GET with me.

Advice?

Thank you for this post!!!  LOL!  Several of my husband's friends have been making comments lately about me.  When he tells me, cuz oh yes he does tell me and doesn't hold back!, I laugh and say if they only knew!  Sometimes it is a simple and polite comment that they have made, most often not so polite, but I guess they must mean it if they are saying it. 

Someone that I used to work with (a 60+ year old female with a terrible mind!) asked my husband on Sunday what I was doing to look so good.  His response "Me" and said it with a straight face!  Nice, real nice!  LOL  She laughed like crazy and said it must be workin then and was he available!  I am not sure that he knows quite how to respond to people now either, but he seems to be making do with his responses to this point!

Anyway, though I am married, I have the same reservations almost daily about what I look like without clothes on, especially if he is home.  Wondering what others have to say to your response too!  Glad it isn't just me who is having this mind game played with me.  I am planning for plastics for my arms at least, they are makin me absolutely crazy already, but will wait until next winter to do so.  Have to save quite a bit to get the money for that!

I can think of two things.

One, you start loving your body as it is.  Like, many women that have had children have stretch marks.  Instead of being ashamed of those stretch marks, look at them as battle scars, or something to be proud of.  You got those stretch marks by growing a new life inside you.  How cool is that?  Your body tells a story.  Start celebrating your story.  Pay attention to the story you tell yourself about your body and make sure you're telling all the good stuff.

Two, you realize that you are more than your body.  Your body may not be "perfect."  Well, what about you is perfect?  The good news is, you don't have to be perfect.  What's special about you is how all these imperfect pieces come together to make the wonderful Nik we all know and love.

Oh by and large I DO love my body. Just like I love my children. Doesn't mean I don't get nervous that other people won't like my children, even though I KNOW they are awesome. Same deal here. I think there are two different things going on in that thought and one doesn't always follow the other.

I do adore you for pointing out I am more than my body. Irrational fear is just that. Irrational. I think I need to spend a summer in a nudist colony or something. That'd get me over it REAL quick. ;)

I thought you loved your body.

You know everyone else has the same worries about being seen naked, right?  And they are so busy worrying about how they look, they usually don't put much energy into critiquing how you look.

You know this is SO true!

I once watched this documentary on "the male mind" (as if...) that said that if a guy gets to the point of getting nekkid with you, he likes you enough that he's not really critiquing you on that level. He's just happy you've agreed to get happy with him.

(Lord...my use of euphamisms in this thread is a bit mind-boggling...)

That sounds about right to me.

 Thanks for sharing Nikki!!!

Although I may not be single, I still have a problem with getting naked. I want to look like I feel, and that aint happening for me. My husband doesnt complain, but he never complained when I was 300lbs either. 

I am considering plastic surgery, and I cannot afford it either. I want to pay off my credit balances that I have now, and get a loan. It just seems impossible, but I will not quit dreaming of it. I hope to make it happen.

You are a beautiful person, and the right guy will come along and accept you just the way you are.

In the much bigger picture though, I am a much healthier person today then I was 10 mths ago....Amen to that!

I've been struggling with this a bit lately, too!  All of a sudden.  In the beginning I was thrilled with my weight loss and felt I looked good.  I was ok with the flabby, hanging parts.  I just really wanted to look good clothed.

Now...not so much.  I've been seriously thinking about a tummy tuck & breast augmentation.  These are never, ever things I thought i would consider.  If I had the money and I could be assured of no bad outcomes, I would do it in a heartbeat!  But with the lack of funds and the "what-ifs" related to the surgery itself, I'll probably never do it.  But every day I look at myself in the mirror and I'm unhappy with what I see.  Sigh... I'll have to do some serious work on loving myself!

I had a couple of BF befor ethe current one...
Before I got PS to fix my girls and my belly ... I used to wear sexy things to bed...  Bras, some type of small cover ups... to make me feel better about me... Once I was pass a few intimate dates... lol... slowly things will come off... but only in the bedroom, with nice light (candle, or small nice romantic light).   But I would wear nice night gown to bed... so when I got out of bed... I could feel pretty. 
Now - post op PS, and with current BF - no issues.

My body is not perfect, plus I added scars and lumps and bumps (the fat has tendency to accumulate in weird places post op PS) but have no issue with being naked in front of my BF.   His reaction to me... tells me that he finds me attractive... with the scars, crazy hair, lumpy body, red nose (had cold)... and so on... It is the person - me - he see, and not my imperfection.  I do appear to be confident about my body - and he likes that .... a lot