People who stop coming here when they are struggling

Of all the people I know who have regained, only one has come even close to regaining ALL of their weight.  Most of them have gained 25 or 30 pounds back, and several of them are up 30-50 pounds of their original 100+ pound losses, though.  (I also know several who have gained less than 10 pounds from their initial "settled" weight (which may be a tad higher than their lowest weight).)

Perhaps it is because I do not come close to reading every post, or perhaps it is because I was raised by a Marine and therefore tend to be a more straightforward, tough-love kind of person and nmight not see it, but I have very rarely seen anyone take anythign clsoe to what I would call a "beating" here about regaining weight.  People are much more likely to give a hard time to someone who is newly post-op and making really bad food choices (and not asking for help in making better choices) than someone who comes here and is asking for help or support in addressing regain.  I actually think, in general, the board is very supportive (while still being honest about what is necessary to get the weight back under control).  Like I said, though, perhaps I am just not seeing it.

Lora

Thank you for starting this thread. I think it is very benefical for people to know that what support u need is still being offered. I am a revision so my loss is somewhat slower than a virgin RNY and yes I have been frustrated along the way but I still continue to work my tool to the best of my ability in hopes that I will meet my personal goal one day. I continue to come because something is brought to my attention everyday, whether it is my eating habits, excerise, vitamins or just knowing that I am not alone.  This journey has taught me that I one that cannot take this opportunity that I had lightly.  So as continue this journey I know realize that my road is not as easy as some but with that I am learning the habits I need to make this a lifestyle change.  Now don't get me wrong I often wished that my weight would have melted off but I am not going to stress over it. I am happy with my body transformation and I know that when I meet my personal goal the journey would have been well worth it.  So thanks for just keeping this forum alive. You are helping so many people who don't have the courage to post...they are getting the information and that's what's important 

I left OH 2-3 months after my surgery.  I had gotten (accidentally) pregnant and it seemed like my cir****tances were so different from everyone else's, plus I was ashamed that I would be judged.  After I had the baby, I felt miraculously thin.  I struggled for a good year or two with just wanting to be normal (as in, forget I ever had RNY).  After screwing up my body by ignoring the RNY "rules" and trying to live like a "normal" person for 3 years, I'm back and ready to be accountable. 

I definitely would have benefitted from sticking around and posting and being involved from the beginning, even if my cir****tances were less than perfect. 

I'm glad you're back.  I hope you are able to find a balance that allows you to eat like a relatively "normal" person while still following the RNY "rules".  For me, that has been one of things that I count as my biggest successes... I have been able to maintain almost all of my weight loss (although it does creep up periodically and I have to beat it back down, LOL... and I am FAR from a prefect eater, whatever that is!) while still enjoying occasional treats and eating in a way that, other than my portion sizes and avoidance of fried foods and white carbs, would never betray me as a WLS patient.

Let us know how we can help you.

Lora

My biggest problem was that I felt a sense of shame for having had WLS in the first place (I think that feeling mostly came from things I've seen in the media).  I've finally realized that I took a very positive step to become a healthier person.  I did what I needed to do, what was best for me, and I should be (and now am) proud.  I only wish I had not spent so long not taking my vitamins or eating properly.  I'm finally coming back from so many deficiencies.  I have nerve damage & my feet feel like they're falling asleep all the time, which isn't quite as bothersome as it sounds but I still have to live with it the rest of my life, knowing that I did it to myself. 

Anyway, just by coming here and reading all of the advice and opinions I've re-learned so much.  And I've definitely found a nice balance to my eating.  Last night we went out for dinner.  I had a greek salad with grilled shrimp, dressing on the side.  Then I shared a chocolate cake with my daughter.  I probably had about 1/4 of it and I was satisfied.  I had eaten well all day, gotten in my 100 grams of protein and was within my 1200 calorie range so I went for it.  And I'm glad I did!  Making healthier choices every day, but still being able to indulge a little is a lifestyle I can stick with.

Good for you. (mmm.... cake....  wish you hadn't said that, LOL)

I completely understand about the shame aspect.  The hardest part of this entire journey for me was getting over my INTERNAL shame over how big I had gotten and admiting to myself that my only hope of ever getting my weight under control and keeping it under control was surgery.  It was  a hard admission for me to make, but once I was able to admit it to myself and accept taht surgery was the best thing I could possibly do for myself and my health, I had no problem admitting it to the rest of the world.

Lora

Hi,

I am one of those people... stopped posting because they feel inferior.

I had my surgery July 2009 and had a lot of re-gain and it turns out I had Candy Cane Syndrome, and gre a 10+cm limb which is where all the food goes, so I'm hungry often.

I was chastized by a few people for asking questions, including doctors who said it was all in my head and I just needed to stop eating so much.

I am on here daily.. more like several times a day.. and I do appreciate all the kindness shown to others and I do read and follow the advise of people on here.

Thank you all,
Emily

There is this cycle I see in our community that bugs me and that I think helps perpetuate this. It goes something like this.

Girl has surgery. Girl begins to lose massive amounts of weight. Girl is elated, happy, overjoyed! She sings to the hills! Shouts from the rooftops! "100 pounds gone FOREVER!!!"

Girl gets to be a year or two out. Girl's scale stops moving. Girl starts to ease up a bit on the regimen. Girl gets bounce back and freaks. Meanwhile...

NuGirl has surgery. NuGirl begins to lose massive amounts of weight. NuGirl is elated, happy, overjoyed! She sings to the hills! Shouts from the rooftops!

I don't think there is much we can do about that. I don't want newbies to stop singing the praises of their processes, but when you've regained or are struggling those posts kind of bug (sorry newbies but they do...not your issue or fault...and you shouldn't change a THING about what you're doing...but still...). It's like being told you are infertile and ALL your friends proceed to get pregnant. It stings.

To all those who've left under these conditions, I wish you'd come back! We need you here! We need each other and newbies need YOU! Not only as a "this is what NOT to do" example (which is how we tend to think we are perceived) but as a realistic example of the long-term process of this surgery and, hopefully (with some significant head work) a portrait of people who can love, support and care for themselves, fight for themselves, no matter what size they are.

Good point.  My solution to that -- rather than surrender to my own insecurities, frustration, and irritation and leave -- was that I simply do not (and have not for multiple years now) read any posts about how much people have lost or are losing, about what size clothing they are now wearing or about reaching goal weights.  Only VERY rarely do I read any posts about stalls (just because they are irritating simply because of the repetition and sheer volume of them over almost 5 years).

That way, I don't get annoyed and can remain here to get and receive support. Of course, then I got accused of "favoritism" and only replying to certain people's posts (which is nonsense.... but if someone ONLY posts about their weight, their stalls, what-can-I-eat-in-stagexx, etc., then I AM not going to read any of their stuff... and when they have something else to post about... something I have something useful to say about... then I may very well read it)... so sometimes you just cannot win.

Lora