People who stop coming here when they are struggling
This is a support forum and -- the occasional miscommunication or cranky/snide comment notwithstanding -- IS a pretty supportive place (especially compared to the main forums... But that's another matter.
There is something that continues to bother me, though, and it came up again today. Some people leave OH after they are 6 months out or longer. Some leave because they are just busy leading more active lives than hey did before surgery, and some have enough "real life" support that they don't need the online support. Those are both fine, of course. There are other people, however, who leave (or just lurk... and only rarely) because they don't feel like they measure up... or even feel like somewhat of a "failure"... Perhaps because they are struggling with being able to control the same eating behaviors that plagued them pre-op, or because they have trouble sticking only to what is on their surgeon's eating plan, or because they are not losing very fast, or -- if they are done losing -- because they feel like hey did not lose "enough" to be considered a success.
I know of two people in "real life" who are more than 2 years out and stopped coming here because they really struggle with eating habits and have re-gained a bit of weight. They are self-conscious about it... a little embarrassed by it... and feel like they cannot offer anything to pre-ops and newbies because they, themselves, are less than perfect (as if those of us who DID stick around ARE... Ha!). That bothers me. A lot. Both of these people would BENEFIT from being here. The newbies would benefit from hearing the truth about how hard it is when real life sets back in after the glow of the quick weight loss subsides. It makes me sad that they don't feel "successful enough" to be here.
Lora
There is something that continues to bother me, though, and it came up again today. Some people leave OH after they are 6 months out or longer. Some leave because they are just busy leading more active lives than hey did before surgery, and some have enough "real life" support that they don't need the online support. Those are both fine, of course. There are other people, however, who leave (or just lurk... and only rarely) because they don't feel like they measure up... or even feel like somewhat of a "failure"... Perhaps because they are struggling with being able to control the same eating behaviors that plagued them pre-op, or because they have trouble sticking only to what is on their surgeon's eating plan, or because they are not losing very fast, or -- if they are done losing -- because they feel like hey did not lose "enough" to be considered a success.
I know of two people in "real life" who are more than 2 years out and stopped coming here because they really struggle with eating habits and have re-gained a bit of weight. They are self-conscious about it... a little embarrassed by it... and feel like they cannot offer anything to pre-ops and newbies because they, themselves, are less than perfect (as if those of us who DID stick around ARE... Ha!). That bothers me. A lot. Both of these people would BENEFIT from being here. The newbies would benefit from hearing the truth about how hard it is when real life sets back in after the glow of the quick weight loss subsides. It makes me sad that they don't feel "successful enough" to be here.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I still find this site useful and now that I am over a year I do feel more comfortable making comments to peoples questions.
What people have to realize is we are all HUMANS. Humans make mistakes. We take a wrong turn. We can get back on the wagon.
Just because you gain some weight back or ate the wrong thing doesn't make you a bad person. You formed the bad eating habits that got you obese over a course of 20, 30, 40 years and then people expect all of that to fade away as soon as that surgeon cuts your stomach. No matter how much you prepare before surgery, it doesn't fade away. They operate on your stomach not your brain is I think the most powerful line I have read around here.
Coming here and sharing your struggles helps other figure out, hopefully, that they are human.
I think I went on a tangent.
Lurkers come out and share!
Sarah
What people have to realize is we are all HUMANS. Humans make mistakes. We take a wrong turn. We can get back on the wagon.
Just because you gain some weight back or ate the wrong thing doesn't make you a bad person. You formed the bad eating habits that got you obese over a course of 20, 30, 40 years and then people expect all of that to fade away as soon as that surgeon cuts your stomach. No matter how much you prepare before surgery, it doesn't fade away. They operate on your stomach not your brain is I think the most powerful line I have read around here.
Coming here and sharing your struggles helps other figure out, hopefully, that they are human.
I think I went on a tangent.
Lurkers come out and share!
Sarah
Hi Lora,
I guess I'd be considered an oldie (but a goody) at nearly 8 years. I stayed active on the boards until the questions/comments started getting repeative (not a bad thing, just the nature of things). I really couldn't relate much so I wasn't getting much benefit. I kept my profile up til '09. My reason for lettig it lapse was because I was doing really well and my surgerversaries came and went without much thought.
I feel (as we are all walking case studies) an obligation to keep people informed of the good, bad and the ugly, so I will be updating for my 8 year. My reason for coming back is because I'm struggling at 30lbs gain. It is important for me to be honest with my self and others in order to be accountable.
Though my reasons for not being active isn't the same as your friends, its a good remeinder of the importance of sharing info!
To Wellness!
I guess I'd be considered an oldie (but a goody) at nearly 8 years. I stayed active on the boards until the questions/comments started getting repeative (not a bad thing, just the nature of things). I really couldn't relate much so I wasn't getting much benefit. I kept my profile up til '09. My reason for lettig it lapse was because I was doing really well and my surgerversaries came and went without much thought.
I feel (as we are all walking case studies) an obligation to keep people informed of the good, bad and the ugly, so I will be updating for my 8 year. My reason for coming back is because I'm struggling at 30lbs gain. It is important for me to be honest with my self and others in order to be accountable.
Though my reasons for not being active isn't the same as your friends, its a good remeinder of the importance of sharing info!
To Wellness!
I have been a member here for several years. It was a long and hard battle to finally get approved for this surgery, and when I finally got approval I was thrilled. With that said, it helps me more than you know to be able to come here to learn, to grow, to be a part indirectly in the lives of those who face the struggles and the challenges we overcome before, during, and after having this surgery. And even though I'm not that far out since my surgery, I intend to come here for years to come because I realize the value of the wisdom and care of you all.
When I committed to my WLS, I committed to many other things in order to succeed. One of those things is to come here every day, even if I do not post, I still come here. When I am struggling or feeling on top of the world, I still come to this forum.
Some days it is hard to see people loosing more weight than me or reading the post of those who have fat "just melting" off when I have fight for each ounce that manages to come off.
I think it would be easy to stop coming here and living life takes up so much more time than being SMO did. I do not have the time to surf the net that I once did, however, what I did for the first 36 years of my life DID NOT work. I have to choose a new way everyday and this forum is part of the new way.
I hope my perspective helps others commit to being here and helping "newbies" and also to reach out when your demons rear their ugly heads---this is a daily battle!
Hugs to you all,
Some days it is hard to see people loosing more weight than me or reading the post of those who have fat "just melting" off when I have fight for each ounce that manages to come off.
I think it would be easy to stop coming here and living life takes up so much more time than being SMO did. I do not have the time to surf the net that I once did, however, what I did for the first 36 years of my life DID NOT work. I have to choose a new way everyday and this forum is part of the new way.
I hope my perspective helps others commit to being here and helping "newbies" and also to reach out when your demons rear their ugly heads---this is a daily battle!
Hugs to you all,
Shelly Smith 
HW 326 SW 293 CW 180 GW 160
HW 326 SW 293 CW 180 GW 160
(deactivated member)
on 1/10/12 9:55 am - Canada
on 1/10/12 9:55 am - Canada
I totally agree Lora - I for one am extremely grateful that I could come back to the board after almost 5 years -- and I am shouting it out "I am gaining weight and here to get back on track". For some reason, just like you said - I stopped coming around the 6 month out point. My situation was a little different having a revision so soon after my initial surgery. I have in the past on other sites been met with lots of judgement and some people just did not want to hear that I had such a severe complication to my surgery that I needed another one. I was asked to leave my local support group because too many newbies were getting "scared" when they heard about me.
It is really nice to come to a place such as this - where i can be gastric bypass patient - and tell it like it has been for me - without any fear, judgement, harshness. I have been met with so much kindness in my time here. My first time to the board was in 2007 and I forgot my username so I had to re-register this past year.
I encourage everyone post op to stay on the board and give the support to the newbies and speak from our hearts from experience. I have found it so awesome meeting and talking to you and getting the help and support that I need right now. The least I can do is help someone else by giving them support in return.
It is really nice to come to a place such as this - where i can be gastric bypass patient - and tell it like it has been for me - without any fear, judgement, harshness. I have been met with so much kindness in my time here. My first time to the board was in 2007 and I forgot my username so I had to re-register this past year.
I encourage everyone post op to stay on the board and give the support to the newbies and speak from our hearts from experience. I have found it so awesome meeting and talking to you and getting the help and support that I need right now. The least I can do is help someone else by giving them support in return.
I am into my third year.... I got off the merry go-round because I was waiting to see if I was going
to fail. Yep, I was still in the honeymoon phase and I got tired of hearing "I made such a mistake because I had RNY".
I am confident RNY is the best decision for me. My comorbidities are resolved, and life is good.
I will continue to post when and where I can.
Aside from a period when I was in exile on Quix - I have been around on here for 7.5 years.
I moved to Singapore from PA ,where I had my surgery, 5 months afterwards and so have always relied on OH to be my support group. I rarely post to pre-ops or honeymooners because I know jack about protein shakes and if I attempted to answer every post about stalls, gas or why has someone only lost 5lb this week, my head would explode.
I really have adopted this as a lifestyle and work hard to keep my weight in check - yes, I do occasionally eat chocolate or mac and cheese etc but the key word is occasionally!
No one should feel embarrassed about regain because most of us have had it at some point to varying degrees - some check it at 5lbs, others ignore it until 30lbs.
I make it my mission to try and get RNY'ers to understand that the changes they make in the first couple of years are there for life - this isn't a miracle (well, maybe for the first year or two), it requires bloody hard work to make it work in the long term! There is nothing lost forever and even co-morbidities can rear their ugly heads again a few years out - as I well know!
I moved to Singapore from PA ,where I had my surgery, 5 months afterwards and so have always relied on OH to be my support group. I rarely post to pre-ops or honeymooners because I know jack about protein shakes and if I attempted to answer every post about stalls, gas or why has someone only lost 5lb this week, my head would explode.
I really have adopted this as a lifestyle and work hard to keep my weight in check - yes, I do occasionally eat chocolate or mac and cheese etc but the key word is occasionally!
No one should feel embarrassed about regain because most of us have had it at some point to varying degrees - some check it at 5lbs, others ignore it until 30lbs.
I make it my mission to try and get RNY'ers to understand that the changes they make in the first couple of years are there for life - this isn't a miracle (well, maybe for the first year or two), it requires bloody hard work to make it work in the long term! There is nothing lost forever and even co-morbidities can rear their ugly heads again a few years out - as I well know!
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
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