The Role of Failure in Success

For once I’m going to put the bottom line at the top: this is a life-long journey. It is not made or broken in the first two years after surgery. The very best gift a new post-op can give themselves are good habits that can see them through this journey.

 

So…failure. We all define it differently. Some of us feel as if we’ve failed if we do not reach our goal weight (thankfully, I am not one of those). Some of us feel as if we fail every time we make a less-than-perfect food decision. Some of us feel we are failures when we lapse on our exercise. And for others still, failure is simply the thought of deviating from the plan.

 

I’m not here to define failure for you. The list could go on and on.

 

What I do want to point out, however, is that if you consider your journey as a whole (that is, fighting and overcoming obesity for life), failure has a very important place in the process.

First and foremost, failure knocks many of us off our pedestal and humbles us. I’ve seen more than my fair share of newbies name downright snooty remarks, both about people who’ve regained after WLS and about obese people who have not elected to have surgery. At that stage in the post-operative experience it’s easy to judge. When you are never hungry, your body is burning fat like the end is coming (meaning you likely have a bit more energy than others) and you’re riding the wave of seeing actual results, you tend to get a bit…full of yourself, for lack of a better word. NOT ALL NEWBIES DO THIS…but I’ve seen it enough to know it’s quite common.

 

But I have also seen those same people hit 18 months or two years and…the weight doesn’t tumble off anymore. In fact, it may fluctuate up a bit. In a panic, those same folks feel depressed and defeated and some turn back to food and away from exercise, healthy habits and good common sense. I am also thankful that, through that experience, many people level out to a more balanced way of thinking and many I’ve seen are able to get things under control, with the added benefit of no longer practicing or emitting bigotry.

 

Failure can teach you what NOT to do next time. There are many “gray area" situations in post-operative life. For example, I figured out that, while I am generally a dumper, I can eat sugar immediately after having a high protein meal with absolutely no side effects. And I am guilty of using that information for the wrong purposes a few too many times. Which, of course, was a slippery slope. There were times when I cut out the middle man (the protein meal) and tried to go straight for the good stuff. Big mistake. Big failure in my thinking. But I learned something. Don’t do that anymore! And I don’t. But if I hadn’t had that moment of failure, it would have always been something I wondered in the back of my head and perhaps I might have continued to try pushing the envelope.

 

Failure can force you into thinking realistically. When I fail at anything, WLS-related or otherwise, one of the first things I tend to ask myself is, “Was this realistic in the first place?" Insofar as we can be honest with ourselves in answering that, failure can do wonders to calibrate your thinking. Many of us tend to have these lofty goals that include the words “never" and “forever." I will NEVER eat X again….100 pounds gone FOREVER. The problem with those statements is that in the first, you’re setting yourself up for a big fall and in the second, you only have so much control over that.

 

And if you do happen to eat X again, you feel like a failure. And if even part of that 100 pounds comes back you feel like a failure. Well, what did you expect? You set up a dichotomy and, in general, dichotomies don’t work (dichotomy = either/or).

 

So in that failure, if you ask yourself, “Was that realistic and reasonable?" and your answer is no, you have a tendency to come back down to earth and work from a more realistic and reasonable standpoint. This is not to say you should not aim for healthy eating habits or celebrate your losses. What I AM saying is that failure makes you more cognizant that you won the battle but are still fighting the war.

 

In closing, I’d like to say the next time you go about beating yourself up for “failing" in some way, consider instead what you might learn from the situation. What can you do differently or better next time? What is the GOOD that came from the failure? What realization do you have now that you didn’t have before? And, most importantly, how will you carry on from here.

Failure is a big part of success. In fact, I will go so far as to say if you have never failed, you can’t possibly hope to succeed in the long run.

Damn, you are good!

I think a lot. Too much sometimes.

Agreed!  Amazing post!

* LIKE*!!!!!

Brava!!! ~ as a 1 week post-op, I am trying to be a "selective sponge" with the information that I soak up and you my dear are keeping me fully hydrated...thank you!!!

Over and over and over again in this journey, I realize: the most important thing I can do formyself is be compassionate. Nothing's a failure, because nothing's ever over, and when it is over, it's just because I won't be around to see it.

Nik,

Interesting post.. I was watching some news program this morning.. there was a panel of 3.. one of them was Star Jones.. Now, today she appeared to be quite heavy but not as heavy as she used to be. I was a little surprised by her appearance. From my perspective, she reminds me to keep up with what is going on today.  I dont judge her cause everyone can become a Star Jones.. loses massively then gain it back or a Carney Wilson.. the list goes on and on..
 
As long as we are still the in the ring, we are still fighting.. not giving up. My mother in law has this cartoon drawing in her kitchen.. let me describe it for you. A stork/pelican looking bird in trying to eat a frog (the frog's head is in the beak of the pelican) but the frog has its hands around the long bird's neck trying to choke the bird out .. The drawing says "Never give up".  It makes me laugh but reminds me even when the situation looks dire and dreadful, there is always something to be learned from the experience. Its all about the struggle.

This fighter's perspective is what carries us through the low moments. Against all odds and with determination, we pull through. Its like the classic good versus evil plot...This is probably why I love music from artists that have true struggles and their music speaks to their life experiences and why I love the classic Good versus evil stories/books.

Anywho, thanks for your posts. Its always great food for thought and discussion.

Michelle

Great post!

I'm still a newbie for the most part, but I try to keep everything in perspective. I set realistic goals, eat healthy with the occasional treat, and just try to be more active than I was before surgery.

I think that, going into the surgery, having it for a health problem and not focusing on the weightloss, helped me out quite a bit. I knew going into this that it was a hard road. I've seen both sides of the spectrum from those in my family that have had the surgery. We've had successes and failures. I'm looking at failure fromt he standpoint of the person being bigger now after surgery than she was before surgery. I've seen and experienced some complications and those that have breezed through without any problems.

It took me years to decide to have this surgery. I HAD to look at it realistically and decide if it was worth it or not. I can honestly say that my head has gotten a little big sometimes and my ego has gotten in the way as well. It's easy to do when you're in the honeymoon phase and you start to look incredible (if I do say so myself ;P). I just have to remember that things are becoming harder now and my "life" is just beginning as a postop. Maintaining is definitely going to be a hard road.

I'm very thankful to have so many postop friends on here to keep us all in check and thinking about the long road before us. As always, thanks for posting such rivoting subjects to get our brains thinking.

 I do know this surgery has proven to me that yes - it is possible to have a positive, direct impact on my life. It gives me a fighting chance - where before I thought I had no chance - to overcome this compulsion. 

Perhaps that is where some of the newbie attitude comes from? I have caught myself the past few weeks seeing very obese people on the street or in the mall, etc - and I just hurt for them. I want to run up and say, "you don't have to live like this forever!"...Yet I know this is a decision that we as individuals must make for ourselves. I am no better than anyone else. I don't have all the answers. I just need to remember to treat others the way I wished to be treated back before taking this step.