Do you love yourself?

That’s what I empower you to think about right now.

 

Self-love means different things to different people so I’m not going to define what it means to you.

I can share what it means to me.

 

To me, self-love means that I take care of myself holistically. There are times when I need to shout, and I shout. There are times when I need to cry, and I cry. There are times when I need to shut the hell up and sit down, and I do that too. Because I love myself and I don’t deserve to feel overwhelmed, anxious and panicky. Sometimes it can’t be avoided but insofar as I can prevent it, I love myself enough to do so.

 

To me, self-love means that I take care of my body. I keep my body clean and I move it often. I give it sleep and relaxation. I dress it well and use it wisely.

 

To me, self-love means I take care of my spirit. I take moments during the day to contemplate things. I make lists of things that worry me so that I can get them out of my head and start taking action on them. I talk to people, because, for me, there is joy in fellowship. I talk to people because, to me, community is a spiritual necessity. I talk to God because, to me, my higher power defines my purpose for being here and I need to know the voice of the divine to discern my purpose on this planet.

 

To me, self-love means I fight for myself. I fight every day to make good decisions. I fight to overcome the inclination to let bad decisions define me. I fight the status quo. I fight others opinions of what I should do. I fight my own opinions of what I should do. I seek counsel from those I trust to make better decisions. I don’t give up. Rather, I recognize when I need a break and take it.

 

And, finally, (because in the whole grand scheme of MY life, this flows naturally from all of the above) self-love means I have a more mindful relationship with food. It isn’t easy. Where I can’t control the actions of other people, the events of the world or even some of the factors that prescribe my standard of living, I can control what I eat. And because I used to disregard my feelings, my body and my spirit, I abused that control. Today, I love myself enough to use it more wisely and to my best advantage.

 

So keeping all that in mind, I would say that firstly I do love myself very much and that that love grows exponentially with each passing day.

 

And now I ask you: do you love yourself? And if you do not (yet), don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit that. There was a period in my life when I did not. But what are you DOING about that? If you do love yourself, how do you show that love to yourself on a daily basis?

I look forward to hearing your thoughtful answers.

I think before WLS I definitely did NOT love myself.  Right now I'm 7+ mos post op and I'm STARTING to love myself.  It is different every day and a challenge to not turn to old ways and beat myself up over small things.  I am learning to believe in myself and really like the person I'm becoming. I'm eating healthier and making healthier choices overall.  It will take time to completely love myself, but it's a work in progress.  I am happier now this past 7 mos. than I have been the last 10 years...sad, but true.  I will learn to love myself fully.  This whole experience has changed my (and 'our' - hubby had VSG) life!

I used to love myself when I was a teenager but mom told me I would go blind!  Fortunately for me she was wrong, although I am supposed to wear glasses!  

Some days since surgery I love myself and what I have become and other days not so much.  I love the fact I have become a more active parent and a role model for not only my kids but my whole family. Mom, cousins and others have done things to change their lives in pursuit of a more healthy and enjoyable life.

The there are the days I really don't.  These are the days I still feel like a fat freaking whale.  They are typically days that I don't and or can't exercise do to scheduling and injuries.  The day I was told I had a partially torn hamstring and had ran a half marathon with it I was like "I freaking love this life" because never before would I have thought something like that even possible, hell running 13 feet didn't seem possible.  The day I was told I wouldn't be able to run for a few months and the few weeks following that I really didn't love myself.  I felt all I have worked for was slipping away and the goals I had set for myself were being taken away.

When I am with my wife and or kids though I always love myself now, and this type of self love doesn't cause blindness.

Paul, you are hoot!

I suspect your struggle will be to find out what makes you a success outside of fatherhood and being an athlete. I see what that is about you but I fear you may not fully.

It's normal though. Somewhere along this journey you start to figure yourself out and it's like a whole new set of eyes.

Here's to love that doesn't cause blindness...or sore forearms. ;)

 I do believe I have always 'loved' myself.  I've taken care of myself the best I could with the tools that I had.  But to be perfectly honest there is plenty of things that I do not like about myself, that are on my bucket list of things to change.  Weight loss is one of those things, upping my physical abilities, expanding my social circle, learning to hold my tongue more often....

Many of these things are not necessarily related to my weight loss of lack of it previous to surgery.  

I believe that giving yourself absolute unconditional love isn't great either - but I may be different in this, we should always be striving to do better at 'taking care of ourselves and our families' but that's just my opinion

Thanks for your inspiring words Nik, they always make me think!

Gypsywolf

What a great post, Nik!

I currently do not love myself. I am learning to like myself, though. I cared about myself enough to have this surgery, so I try to remind myself every day to keep on caring about myself.

I learned like so many others that losing weight is not the magic bullet to happiness. Thin(er) does not equal happy.

I learned that I put off so many things for "when I'm thinner". I am working on doing stuff now instead of in a perfect future that will never come.

I am learning that food is not love. It's food. It can be tasty and nourishing, but it cannot fill an emotional void or solve any problems beyond hunger.

Nik,
You are truly a God send!!!! I love your posts they are truly inspirational and needed for ongoing success,encouragement and keeping one self in check but what I love most is they are real... one thing i dreaded going into surgery was feeling like I had to forever have sugar free everything on down to spaghetti sauce because thats what everyone made it seem like....the key as you stress however is control and moderation...thanks so much for informing us and enforcing that it is okay to live a normal life.....

Loving myself is a struggle every day. I have trouble even seeing why others care about me. I have always been like this and I don't know why. I am told by my friends and family that I am loving, compassionate and understanding, more than most people. I don't judge others because who am I to judge anyone. I want to love myself. Why don't I think I am worthy of my own (or anyone else's) love.

Only you can answer that question for yourself, my beloved.

BUT, I can say this. The pathway from "I have a hard time loving myself" and "I love myself" usually involves passing through a valley of anger of some sort. Just wait...something will REALLY **** you off and it won't be fair and you'll be hurt and mad. It is in THAT moment you need to revisit this subject. Because we get angry when people hurt us. Why? Because we don't think we deserve it. So just keep asking yourself why (channel your inner four year old) and eventually you arrive at SOMETHING that resembles the answer.

When you do that, though...um...don't hurt nobody, k? I don't have any bail money. ;)