Debate topic: whose fault is it if a child is obese?
I saw on the Today show this morning that childhood obesity is starting to factor into child custody cases, where one parent will use it as the basis to prove the other parent is not fit to care for the child.
This all makes me wonder. Whose fault is it if your child is obese? Is it 100% your fault? The food industry's? The school system? The entertainment industry?
Or is it a collective problem?
Both my girls are overweight. My youngest is obese. I feed her good food, I play Xbox with her and take walks with her. The child is big. She comes by it honestly. Up until four years ago I was obese.
I guess the story struck a chord because what if my girls father ever wanted to use that against me? (He wouldn't. I think he'd rather drink battery acid than be a responsible parent most days.) I'm trying to determine whether a) it would be a viable case against me b) whether that'd be fair when stacking all the other things I give as a parent and c) and this is something I keep saying, if obese children are being punished simply for being obese. I mean, is a parent excused from giving their child junk so long as it didn't cause them to be obese? Would the same behaviors hurled at the parents of an obese child stand up against the parents of a thin child?
This is all bugging the hell out of me. So I want to discuss it!
This all makes me wonder. Whose fault is it if your child is obese? Is it 100% your fault? The food industry's? The school system? The entertainment industry?
Or is it a collective problem?
Both my girls are overweight. My youngest is obese. I feed her good food, I play Xbox with her and take walks with her. The child is big. She comes by it honestly. Up until four years ago I was obese.
I guess the story struck a chord because what if my girls father ever wanted to use that against me? (He wouldn't. I think he'd rather drink battery acid than be a responsible parent most days.) I'm trying to determine whether a) it would be a viable case against me b) whether that'd be fair when stacking all the other things I give as a parent and c) and this is something I keep saying, if obese children are being punished simply for being obese. I mean, is a parent excused from giving their child junk so long as it didn't cause them to be obese? Would the same behaviors hurled at the parents of an obese child stand up against the parents of a thin child?
This is all bugging the hell out of me. So I want to discuss it!
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
This is such a tricky area. I think that if there was a parent who was feeding their kids nothing but junk food in spite of the health of the child, that could be a custody issue, not just size alone. it's not healthy regardless if the child is overweight. So honestly, I think you're set.
Personally however, I do take responsibility for my daughter being a bit heavier. I know the many times we have stopped at mcdonalds on the way home, and i know we could be more active in the house. even though most of my side of the family is overweight, I don't want her to have to grow up that way if we can help it.
she takes swim and karate (because she loves them), and she will eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. I do hate school lunches though, a lot of what is on the menu is NOT healthy and i think a lot of people eat the school lunches. I try to make as often as I can for her.
I think candy and treats have their place, just like they do for us, in moderation.
Personally however, I do take responsibility for my daughter being a bit heavier. I know the many times we have stopped at mcdonalds on the way home, and i know we could be more active in the house. even though most of my side of the family is overweight, I don't want her to have to grow up that way if we can help it.
she takes swim and karate (because she loves them), and she will eat a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables. I do hate school lunches though, a lot of what is on the menu is NOT healthy and i think a lot of people eat the school lunches. I try to make as often as I can for her.
I think candy and treats have their place, just like they do for us, in moderation.
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HW:288 CW:146.4 GW: 140 RNY: 12/22/11
For me as a mom of 4 it is my job to make sure my kids are healthy happy kids. Since I know that obesity runs in my family I am super diligent in making sure they are not overweight. they hardly ever get junk and get to eat out of boredom or because of their emotions..like I used to hell like I still do sometimes (but I am learning). So I teach them how to cope with things so they dont turn to food. And I make them get out and run burn that energy baby.
Do they like it no not all the time. Do they get fast food or junk food yes but it is a treat not a daily weekly thing.
SO what I guess I am saying is that yes I do believe that it falls on the parents as to weither or not their kids are over weight. Now that is not to say that it is all on them. Outside forces do have something to do with it as well.
Should it be used to take kids away from their parents HELL NO...
Do they like it no not all the time. Do they get fast food or junk food yes but it is a treat not a daily weekly thing.
SO what I guess I am saying is that yes I do believe that it falls on the parents as to weither or not their kids are over weight. Now that is not to say that it is all on them. Outside forces do have something to do with it as well.
Should it be used to take kids away from their parents HELL NO...
Come visit me on my blog: http://apeekintomytreehouse.com/
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt
See, that's where I get a bit sketchy with it. Just because you do all those things doesn't guarantee your child won't be obese. My kids eat treats in moderation. I don't buy junk food, or soda, or candy. Ever. I pack their lunches.
They are still obese. So what did I do wrong? (Posing that as a point for debate. Not taking what you said personally).
Conversely I have friends who fed their kids well all throughout childhood and their kids were trim throughout childhood and then in adolescence they blew up. Are they suddenly bad parents?
I agree with you that there are outside forces, and I think many more than we give credit to. Many times it's easy to try and pinpoint one thing a person could or should do better. But in reality I think it's a more dynamic problem.
They are still obese. So what did I do wrong? (Posing that as a point for debate. Not taking what you said personally).
Conversely I have friends who fed their kids well all throughout childhood and their kids were trim throughout childhood and then in adolescence they blew up. Are they suddenly bad parents?
I agree with you that there are outside forces, and I think many more than we give credit to. Many times it's easy to try and pinpoint one thing a person could or should do better. But in reality I think it's a more dynamic problem.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
You know I love those girlies! and you as well. i dont think you did anything wrong.
I honestly think that, and not just at you, that when you do have an overweight child you need to sit that child down and see what you as a team can do to change that fact. We all know that being fat is not healthy or a good way. Somethings must be changed so that they do not end up in this forum 15-20 yrs from now.
I honestly think that, and not just at you, that when you do have an overweight child you need to sit that child down and see what you as a team can do to change that fact. We all know that being fat is not healthy or a good way. Somethings must be changed so that they do not end up in this forum 15-20 yrs from now.
Come visit me on my blog: http://apeekintomytreehouse.com/
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt
Oh that's the thing. I remember here once someone (not sure who) said something to the effect of the fact that my kids could have WLS when they grow up. Yes, this is true. But is it wrong to hope that it never comes ot that?
With my oldest, I think she'll always be thick but she moves a LOT (kid is addicted to Dance Central and just the other day did 14 songs in a row before I kicked her off to get some water). The youngest one...we struggle. She's into the arts and reading, doesn't like sports. Getting her to move is more a factor of "Mommy and Me" time which she treasures. So we walk. And talk.
With my oldest, I think she'll always be thick but she moves a LOT (kid is addicted to Dance Central and just the other day did 14 songs in a row before I kicked her off to get some water). The youngest one...we struggle. She's into the arts and reading, doesn't like sports. Getting her to move is more a factor of "Mommy and Me" time which she treasures. So we walk. And talk.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
On January 2, 2012 at 12:02 PM Pacific Time, Cleopatra_Nik wrote:
See, that's where I get a bit sketchy with it. Just because you do all those things doesn't guarantee your child won't be obese. My kids eat treats in moderation. I don't buy junk food, or soda, or candy. Ever. I pack their lunches. They are still obese. So what did I do wrong? (Posing that as a point for debate. Not taking what you said personally).
Conversely I have friends who fed their kids well all throughout childhood and their kids were trim throughout childhood and then in adolescence they blew up. Are they suddenly bad parents?
I agree with you that there are outside forces, and I think many more than we give credit to. Many times it's easy to try and pinpoint one thing a person could or should do better. But in reality I think it's a more dynamic problem.
It is damn hot here in the Peachstate and as a sophomore he is in his second year of football and that keeps him healthy and stable until he stops growing.
HW/293....SW/276....PSW/168....CW/148...GW/150
VERY good question! I'd be interested to hear the opinions of any lawyers on the board. As a therapist, I have to weigh factors into making a DSS report on abuse, so the questions I have are: is obesity harming the psyche of the child? is there intent to harm? is there knowledge of potential harm and a desire to do harm regardless?
A lot of people can attest to the hurt of being a fat kid, but parents can do wonders to raising the self-esteem of a child in the face of bullying from peers. Nik, I get a feeling that you do a wonderful job with your girls!
Genes are from both parents, so if one were to argue 100% is genetics, then the mother AND father would each only apportion a 50% share of fault, right? I think it's really a collective problem and even if one sector tries to help (like better food in the schools or media focusing on health & body acceptance), then at least that's a positive step. Maybe this is the radical hippie liberal in me, but I believe that obesity is a medical and equal rights issue; undeniable are the medical implications of obesity but we do psychological harm when we minimize the equal rights of obese child or adult. Everyone has the right to self-determination and to do their individual bodies justice, in whatever form that comes.
A lot of people can attest to the hurt of being a fat kid, but parents can do wonders to raising the self-esteem of a child in the face of bullying from peers. Nik, I get a feeling that you do a wonderful job with your girls!
Genes are from both parents, so if one were to argue 100% is genetics, then the mother AND father would each only apportion a 50% share of fault, right? I think it's really a collective problem and even if one sector tries to help (like better food in the schools or media focusing on health & body acceptance), then at least that's a positive step. Maybe this is the radical hippie liberal in me, but I believe that obesity is a medical and equal rights issue; undeniable are the medical implications of obesity but we do psychological harm when we minimize the equal rights of obese child or adult. Everyone has the right to self-determination and to do their individual bodies justice, in whatever form that comes.
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
I struggle with the positive self image thing.
On the one hand, I say my girls should love themselves and their bodies at face value. I teach them that BECAUSE we love our bodies we move them and feed them right (not to achieve a body worthy of loving). But at the same time I don't want to encourage complacency. It's a fine line to walk. I don't want to say "you have to move you're butt because you're overweight" or "you have to eat well because you're overweight." But at the same time I want them to strive to be the healthiest they can be and if because they are overweight I want them to want to work hard to be healthy.
So that is to say I am inclined to carry "the mommy guilt" around with me. I think that's normal. But it's a very, very tricky issue.
On the one hand, I say my girls should love themselves and their bodies at face value. I teach them that BECAUSE we love our bodies we move them and feed them right (not to achieve a body worthy of loving). But at the same time I don't want to encourage complacency. It's a fine line to walk. I don't want to say "you have to move you're butt because you're overweight" or "you have to eat well because you're overweight." But at the same time I want them to strive to be the healthiest they can be and if because they are overweight I want them to want to work hard to be healthy.
So that is to say I am inclined to carry "the mommy guilt" around with me. I think that's normal. But it's a very, very tricky issue.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
The very fact that you question yourself and challenge yourself to give healthy messages (while backing them up with your own efforts) tells me you're doing right with them. Those that stubbornly cling to "my way is the right way" and don't self-examine are not burdened with that "mommy guilt" worry.
First ultra: Stone Mill 50 miler 11/15/14 13:44:38, First Full Marathon: Marine Corps 10/27/13 4:57:11, Half Marathon PR 2:04:43 at Shamrock VA Beach Half-Marathon, 12/2/12 First Half-Marathon 2:32:47, 5K PR Run Under the Lights 5K 27:23 on 11/23/13, 10K PR 52:53 Pike's Peek 10K 4/21/13, (1st timed run) Accumen 8K 51:09 10/14/12.
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