A foot in one puddle, a foot in the other...

Yeah, you summed up what I am feeling well.

On the one hand I feel like the things I go through now transcend WLS. These are psychological issues that could have manifested themselves any kind of way: through alcohol, food, gambling, sex. So on the one hand I don’t know that it’s fair to point the finger at the WLS community and say, “you aren’t supporting me for the long haul!"

But then again, most support groups are rallied around something. I know of very few that are simply “I have issues. Come to this support group." (Although it’s not a bad idea) People like to commiserate or at least have a common thread to be in a support situation together so for us, WLS seems to make the most sense.

I go to individual therapy and that helps a lot but when I try to remain cognizant on the manifestation of my particular issues through my food and eating behaviors, I find the emphasis is usually behavioral, not psychological. That’s the missing piece of the puzzle with me.

 

No, I don’t think my problems and issues are uniquely tied to my WLS nor is the presentation of them, but I do know that I react to emotions with food. So to me it stands to reason that I should address those feelings, beliefs, fears, etc. in an environment where people have similar food issues as me so that I can learn from them. But at my group there just isn’t a lot of balance.

 

And I’ve screamed to everyone who will listen about this and I don’t seem to get anywhere. From my surgeon’s perspective I can halfway understand. Newbies are expert WLS marketers. They think potential pre-ops don’t want to hear about the long-term struggle. They want to hear the euphoria of losing weight, of how it all falls off, you’re never hungry and how this is the best thing ever! So for many surgeon’s offices it does not behoove them to place a heavy emphasis on long-term support.

BUT my one piece of hope is the fact that pre-ops seem to be getting savvier. They want to know long-term success rates. And to keep patients successful you have to offer tools and resources they can use. So maybe there’s hope?

We start and finish with our common points of alikeness.  That is human nature.  I agree the larger part of our life revolves around the use of food and its role in our life so the commonality of WLS is paramount.

I have often said no surgical group has a dog in the fight of long term support.  No profit motive.  I switched my medical care to my GP's group at about 18 months whent he surgeon's office didn't want to spend time marrying my health matters to my own results of WLS.  Totally understandable to me.

I would be all in for an online support group of long term post ops.  We have a grads board on OH but it is very limited in its participation.  I would think a timed gathering would be ideal.  Sort of like an on line support group.

Is that of interest?

I could go for that. Especially since I have a computer with an operating system that is more recent than the one Jesus might have used ;)

I had my surgery 4 months after you did. I also face similar issues now. And some others in addition.  
I do not post often here... because some of the issues addressed here are well behind me.  And I get annoyed with some posts that are here.  I know I was there at one time... but how many posts can I read about "stalls"  or " xxx lbs lost forever". 
As for all the other issues - I deal with that. Like for you, carbs are no-no, have many days that I need to force myself to eat... and have to make sure I get the proteins before anything else.
But I have days that I can eat a lot - but only in evenings... mornings - it is still gets iffy.  And another annoying fact is that I do need to eat all the time.  Every 2-3 hrs I need to eat something. So I always have to make sure that I have food with me. Anywhere I go, I have to make sure I have food that I can eat.  

I see "normal" people eating desserts - cookies and cakes and most of the time I am OK with that. But I do have days that I wish I could have a nice serving of tiramisu...

I do have to keep some foods away from my house- I know how to play the field and eat just enough to suffer only minor discomfort ... but with lasting long term issues... (not weight gain)...

On one side I absolutely hate my RNY ...on another... the punishment I get when I eat the wrong foods (wrong for me) is probably what is keeping my weight off...

I do hate the almost constant belly ache... maybe that is due to ulcers (not sure I have them), or something I ate, or gas or adhesions... The pain is not enough to call the doc... but it is a constant reminder that my "guts have been rearranged" .

And lets not forget my new found desire for wine.  Before RNY I did not care if I have it or not... now I want it... and once i have  a glass I want another and another.... Can't keep any alcohol at home.
so yea... on the outside I look normal... but when I eat, people notice that I am not.... It is not so pleasant when you get invited to someones house for dinner and you have to worry if you would be able to eat what they serve. One time we were invited to family get together and they have pizza.... for everybody... I can't eat that. Even just the toppings - they are usually too greasy for me  (too much fat = horrible nausea plus possible dumping). The hostess was terrified, I was a bit embarrassed... Someone asked in disbelief " who does not eat pizza?". Well I don't. Can't. I know some post op RNY can have a slice or 2, I can't.   I did not eat that before RNY but that was for different reasons.  Same thing with pasta, rice and other starches...

Nik:
Thanks for this post.  I"m 11 months out and feel that I am doing well.  I don't dump (unfortunate as I was looking forward to external controls on my eating), and that just makes dealing with the head issues that much more important.  I was so frustrated at the last support group as the entire conversation was dominated by one or two people and it was all about how much pain you would have post op and how to get in enough liquids.  The facilitator, while knowledgable and an RNY graduate herself, did little to keep the conversation on more general grounds. Most of the participants were either preop or newly post op - their issues, while certainly valid, are not my issues and I had few resources there to use as mentors.  So, since I also live in Baltimore, I think we should get together a post op group that focuses on the 'other' issues - those that will affect our lasting ability to keep the weight off.
Maybe we need a separate thread, like Hala suggests for the "mature RNY grads"?
Jackie