The Numbers Game (the Big Reveal!!!)

Some of you got very close but nobody guessed the right answer!

 

The dress is a size 14. I tried on a size 12 and it fit everywhere but the boobs!

 

But the larger point is this.

 

YES, numbers are a tool we use to track, monitor and maintain our success.

 

YES, fluctuations in numbers mean something.

 

YES, we should have standards for what those numbers mean to us and what actions we need to take as a result of them.

 

BUT

 

The numbers should not be the sole narrator of your story.

 

Think about it. If the numbers were the sole narrator of my story, would I think I looked good in that dress? Or would I be so hung up on the fact that it is a dreaded “14" that I wouldn’t see the bigger picture? (no pun intended)

 

It’s scary as you’re losing this weight to think about regain. Trust me, I know. I’ve been through every neurotic, crazy, psycho moment you all have plus about four more. But I’m still here.

 

And it may be presumptuous and egotistical to say but…I still look damn good! And I fight to maintain that every day with every decision I make. I’m not perfect. I don’t always make the best choices (well…outside of wardrobe…wink, wink…) but I am committed to this process and I am very proud of who I am and what I look like.

 

And if I let the number on that label, or on the scale, narrate my story, I might never know that joy.

 

So at the risk of sounding like a broken record: don’t let the numbers be the sole narrator of your story. LIVE this life of yours and enjoy being you!

You are wise beyond your years! Thanks for posting this today.

Well said!

More words to live by from the our very own sage, Miss Nikki...

You do look fantastic in that dress, btw... love it.  Hope you have a spectacular birthday!


tori

It's the 14th anniversary of my 21st birthday, how could it NOT be fabulous???

"Ouch!"  What's wrong with a size 14?   I never realised it was thought of as "dreaded"!   Oh well, at 6ft I'm sure I'd look odd in a size 4 ...

LOL. I don't dread anything about myself. But the point mainly was that you see folks get to a size 2 or 4 and if you let that get to your head you can think of a 14 as something less than spectacular.

I love this dress. I may never take it off. I don't give a DAMN what size it is!!!

(Ok...maybe I'll take it off...but only because I'd get funky real fast if I didn't..."

Amen!  You already know how I feel about the obsession with "the numbers" here on OH.  It can make people crazy.  I am still working on being completely accepting of the fact that I will never be a single-digit clothing size, but the fact that I have size 16 clothes and size 10 clothes that fit equally as well (most of my clothes are probably 12s, with 10s not far behind) tells me that clothing size is VERY subjective and actually is helping me let go of that.  I keep hearing about certain stores that have some serious vanity sizing... and I get tempted to go and see if I can get just ONE piece of clothing that is a size 8.... but then I realize that I am better off in the long run to just continue working on the self-acceptance because having one piece of size 8 clothing really IS meaningless.

Although I don't have your level of body appreciation (I don't think I even know anyone who comes close to you, LOL, and I admire that in you****ep reminders of where I started -- "before" and "standing in one leg of my old jeans" pictures, a couple of pieces of my old clothing, etc. -- so I have tangible evidence of far I have come and how good I look (relatively speaking) now. 

I had a great two-part realization a couple of months ago. 
Part 1: If I had never been obese, and had always been this size, I would likely be VERY satisfied with my size.  In my "real life" some people are smaller than I am, but most people are the same size or larger, so I feel very normal.  It is mostly here on OH that I struggle with not being smaller because of the number of people who do end up in single digits... BUT, as with the issue of the people with post-op problems posting more than the majority who don't have problems, it is the people who DO get to single digits who "advertise" it... the people who don't  (who actually MAY be the majority) generally don't talk about their clothing sizes... so perhaps the single-digit sizes are not as prevalent as they seem!  That means it is silly for me to waste the emotional energy letting it nag at me even here.
Part 2:  I am over 4 years out, and even though I am right on the line between a "normal" or "overweight" BMI (can be overweigth on Monday and normal on Tuesday), I have 25% body fat which is considered "optimum" for someone my age (49), and I am maintaining my weight at 5-7 pounds over my lowest weight.  I know several people in "real life", however, who did get to single-digit sizes but then re-gained into double-digit sizes (and one of them did so in less than 3 years).  So, in addition to my goal of just being "normal" in weight and health, my definition of "RNY success" is now based on maintenance numbers.  Maintaining my weight loss is, to me, a much better definition of sucess than getting to a particular weight and not being able to maintain it.

Lora

Good realizations!

 

I think my “aha!" moment came when I started to remember what I wanted out of this thing in the first place. One of my BIGGEST reservations about this process was the possibility of getting “skinny." Skinny is not a positive cultural value in the African-American community (that I know). As my brother likes to say, “black men like ‘em skinny in the waist, pretty in the face and round everywhere else!" (rolls eyes)

 

You might be interested to know you have a full 7% LESS body fat than me! I usually hover around 31-32% these days. Even in my “hulk woman" phase I only ever achieved 28% (but then I am convinced those things read excess skin as body fat).

 

Having met you I can say you’ve done very well for yourself. You look great and you look vibrant. Everytime I see your before picture that’s what I take note of. One you posted once you looked either angry, annoyed or uncomfortable (I can’t decide which) whereas now you seem to have a calm about you.

 

If you’re anything like me that can be explained in one sentence: looks can be deceiving!

 

Kidding! You are fabulous.

Thanks, Nik.

"One you posted once you looked either angry, annoyed or uncomfortable (I can’t decide which)"
I think much of it was having such a fat face that my eyes were almost hidden much of the time (although I was uncomfortable -- very self-conscious -- having my picture taken).

I also believe that the body fat machines interpret excess skin as fat because mine did drop a little bit after I had my arms and upper tummy done (with only a 3-4 pound weight loss).  I didn't have the first body fat measurement done until after my huge panni was already gone, and I have to wonder what it would have been BEFORE that.

Lora