being the food police

Do you sometimes catch yourself wanting to control what others are eating or actually trying to control it?  I never had these feelings that I can remember before surgery.  And I think I do a good jub of not acting on these feelings now.

I do wish my partner ate healthier but I don't tell him that and I don't criticize what he does eat.  He eats pretty much like I did before surgery, he's just not quite as overweight (yet) as I was.  But I do things now like serve a veggie or salad with his favorite dinner of spaghetti, hoping he'll eat some of that and then have less room for pasta.  Sometimes he'll eat some of the veggie or salad, but sometimes he won't eat any of it.  If he says he's hungry and heads for the kitchen to search for a snack (and if he seems like he isn't sure what he wants to eat), I'll suggest some healthy options like fruit or sugar free pudding.  If he chooses something else, though, I don't try to talk him out of it or suggest he made a poor choice.

I'm not really looking for ways to change my behavior because I don't think I am behaving in a controlling way.  But the thoughts kind of bother me.  I don't want to spend lots of time thinking about what other people eat and what I think they ought to eat instead.

 I have SUCH an issue with that!  Especially when I am eating with my oldest daughter.  She is very overweight.   When we go out to eat, she'll order lasagna, a side of garlic fries and a side of loaded mashed potatoes.  (That's just what she ordered last time we were out).  I have to REALLY try to keep my mouth shut.   I just want to grab my phone and add up all the carbs.  I wish she understood what she is doing to herself.. I try to explain (without sounding preachy), but it does no good.  I desperately want to undo the damage that I have done to that poor girl!  I was a big "comfort food" mom.  I felt like I was truly being a wonderful mom when I could put meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans on the table.  Or mac n cheese with pork chops and apple sauce.  Or whatever.  It doesn't help that I was a single mom working two jobs, so not only did I teach her to LOVE/NEED/CRAVE carbs, but sometimes these fat laden carb fests were the only time we had together as a family.  The rest of our life pretty much sucked, so I also taught her to associate food with happiness.  I am not sure why my other girls didn't turn out overweight.  They fight weight gain all the time, but seem to keep it in a reasonable range.  
  I have gotten a LOT better about it.  It still bothers me, but I love her so much and made a conscious decision to simply ENJOY my time with her instead of dwelling on stuff she isn't ready to change yet.  
  As far as the rest of the people in my world go, I only talk about their food choices when they start with the "I feel fat" or "I have gained weight and can't figure out why" crap.  My SO eats CRAP.  If I don't hand pick his meals (like pack him a lunch or cook his dinner), then he will eat a couple of frozen burritos covered in melted cheese or half a box of Twinkies and a Rockstar.    When he points out that he doesn't understand his weight gain (which never sticks.. he ALWAYS drops back to 205), then I remind him (gently) about whatever SERIOUSLY bad food choice he made recently.  Or I'll remind him that he ate fast food twice a day for the last 5 days or whatever.  I am careful now, though.. because I got REALLY bad for a while and got on my own damn nerves.  When the urge strikes, I remind myself that I am *not* a licensed dietitian.. I have NO medical training and I have no RIGHT to control the people that I love. 
   

I remind myself that before surgery, I ate huge amounts like that and I sure did not want anyone to explain what I was doing to myself.  I knew what I was doing to myself, pretty much.  I don't think there is a way to explain that without sounding preachy, unless someone asks you to explain it to them.

I have to handpick my partner's food too.  I do pack him a lunch for work every day and most of the time I plan our dinners.  I also do most of the grocery shopping so I buy him treats but healthy ones, except when he specifically asks me to get him cookies or something.

I'm getting used to the portions I am consuming, and I sometimes find it appalling how much food other people can put down. Then I have to remind myself that I used to do the exact same thing.

My DH is horrible and he leads my son who is IDD right down the same path.  He doesn't eat at normal times, eats mostly snack stuff (cracker, peanutbutter, mayo, cream cheese, sweetrolls, etc).  He is better at breakfast but it is a lot of sweet cereal, pancakes, etc, horrible in the middle of the day and ok at night because I cook meat and a veggie. Sometimes I nuke a potato for him but mostly he will make toast to go with whatever I make. He likes salad but nothing else green would pass his lips if he could help it.  He could stand to lose some weight but mostly I think it is just unhealthy to eat the way he does.  He doesn't get the things he needs to maintain health.  His cholesteral is 90, really, so he thinks there is nothing wrong with what he is doing.  I do complain, but mostly about waiting until 4 for an unhealthy snack instead of eating a sandwich earlier.  I think his blood sugar must be really whacky.

but after being married for 39 yrs, I know I am not going to change him.  He will just go out and get whatever in the middle of the day if he doesn't want what is here.  I don't complain a lot because I know it doesn't work.  When I do say something, I know it is to relieve my being upset for him, not that it will do any good. 

Yep, I do the same thing.  My eight year old is a healthy weight and chooses apples over almost anything (except popcorn) for most snacks and tends to eat healthy portions most of the time so I don't worry about him.  My six year old, on the other hand, is overweight.  I am finding it hard to balance her food intake without causing eating issues.  We talk a lot about healthy choices and I try to help her make good choices.  I realize I am the parent and have a lot of control over her diet right now but I really want to help her learn to make the best choices and NOT cause eating issues like I had.  I find it difficult to balance all of that out.  My husband is overweight and it is hard to watch him eat the portions and make the choices he does.  Since I do a majority of the cooking I try to cook healthier meals and make the less than healthy ones as healthy as I can.  Veggies and/or fruit are served at each dinner but he doesn't always choose to eat them. 

Since surgery I too have been more aware of what others eat. When we had school conferences the staff has pizza one night and a potluck the next. I was shocked at how much junk was brought in. I did not partake because it was too over whelming to even begin to figure out what I could possibly eat. The days following everyone talks about how zapped they are and sick feeling, blaming it on extended work hours and idiot parents they encountered. I had to bite my toungue! thinking that perhaps if we coordinated a healthier spread they would have felt better. Before surgery I would have been right there with them bellyaching. At home I have purified so much of what we consume that one would have to go out of their way to find something unhealthy. My DH has lost significant weight, but will eat crap if given the chance. I turn the other way and let go of it. HOWEVER! Do not touch my good foods I have worked to provide for myself to ensure safety when hungry. That is my biggest control issue people who eat crap and then want to eat my good stuff in addition.

 I freely admit I'm a control freak. My poor DH has tolerated most of it while I work on my thoughts, predominantly telling myself "let it go". Most of our life together he's eaten like a teenager - kraft mac & cheese, chef boyardee, candy, etc. And he's always been a skinny guy. But mercifully for me, he finally got to a point where he realized his diet is poor and is affecting his health (has ulcerative colitis & high cholesterol) - so he on his own decided to make dietary changes! He still doesn't eat what I like so we always make separate meals, but at least is restricting the flow of junk food coming in to our home....

It helps that my partner is not a picky eater, at all.  If given a choice he will often choose junk, but in the eight years we have been together I have cooked two meals he did not like.  One was couscous and I'm not sure why he didn't like it because he likes pasta and rice a lot, and the other was this bean soup that  I did not like either.  It came out very bland and had no flavor.  So I cook healthy dinners and he eats them and likes them.  But he will eat junk when given the chance.

ya know Kelly i caught myself doing that very thing the other day i was looking at a friends facebook page and she had a photo of a meal her husband made her,,it had a huge fried pork chop and a side of loaded mash potatoes and green beans with bacon and potatoes in them and for a desert dish she had a huge piece of apple pie topped with ice cream,,,the caption read "" Look what my hubby made me,,is that love or what?"" i swear the first thing i could think of was looks to me like your hubby is trying to kill you!!

it's hard to put the blinders back on once you've been enlightened.