Ok so here is another this can only be happening to me kinda plea for help...I am 7 months out and well I  am lost in the bedroom....The things that worked before(positions and other such things) no longer work to umm end happily...Hubby is thinking he is the problem and I know it is me. It took me most of my life to figure out what I liked and what turned me on now I am without a clue. I have been avoiding him and the act...many headache nights, if you know what I mean. Is anyones lost in how your new body "work"?

You have to just experiment all over again girl!! I've had to. What I used to like is just "ho-hum" now. I like new positions now that used to be uncomfortable with my big belly. I think the problem now for me is lack of a drive. I wanted it more before surgery.

Well thats some question, hard to write an answer,  You just need to hop on board and hopefully you have a bed head board to anquer you securely,  Just ge on the floor and roll around into you get the right motion.  It's easieser to show the moves and difficult to write.  Good luck i'm sure you guys will have fon expiramenting.  Let us know if this helps.

We had the same problem. I was recently asked about it at group and all I can say is be adventurous. I found I can do more things and positions. After 20+ years of marriage we have started all over again. It doesn't just change for you, my hubby can tell things feel different and we are both learning.

OK, I'm gonna be kinda blunt.  Surprise, huh?

You could have a lot of fun figuring out what you like now or what works now.  Hubby would need to be patient and be willing to try different things.  But if he's up for that, it could be fun.

You can also spend some time alone figure out some of the things you like now.  Might be time to go toy shopping.

Are you talking to hubby about the issue?  If you're avoiding him and faking headaches, it sounds like you're not talking about it enough.

Do you think it might partly be a physical issue?  Like maybe something hormonal?  Or are you taking any  new meds?  You might need to talk to your doctor.

I'm gonna say one more thing and I know some people won't agree with this.  If I understand your post, there is an issue with things not ending happily, and I assume that means you aren't having an ******  Does it end happily for hubby?  I do not think women should have sex when they really don't want to, even with their husband, they always have the right to say no and husbands should always respect that.  however, it's OK that hubby wants to have sex.  That's a valid need people have.  He won't die without it, and he can take care of it himself if necessary, but it's OK that he wants you.

I think that sometimes the spouse that isn't really in the mood should just do it anyway.  Not if you don't want to because you're sick or you're having some difficult emotional stuff going on around sex or stuff like that.  But if it's just that I'm not getting particularly turned on or I'd really rather read a good book right now, if that seems to be the case often, then I think I should just go ahead and do it for my partner, just like I do other things for him sometimes when I don't really feel like it.  You shouldn't do things that make you feel bad or give you pain, but it's all right to make him feel good even if you aren't feeling much at all.

And that's not a good long term solution, you should be working on fixing the problem, but sometimes I think that's really what we should do.

 Thanks Kelly

No we are talking and trying to figure it out. James is very open to trying whatever whenever..toys positions fore play....I just feel like a failure in the sex department. And I do do it just to make him happy some days...It's just that I don't know I guess I thought with the weight loss it would be even more amazing then it was before. Like I said to him on a scale of 1-10 before an ****** was always a 9-10 now it feels more like a 5-6. I don't know why that is...and we are not doing anything different then before when that happens..make sense? 

I guess we are going to have to start from the beginning and learn what works for the new us. 

I haven;t started any meds that would cause it. The only thing I take is my vits. 

It could be a physical thing, like hormones, if you just aren't feeling as turned on or aren't getting the good sensations as much.  If you try some other things, and they don't seem to work, talk to your doc about that.

Otherwise, you know, we are always growing and changing.  And all this weight loss changes us in some ways, right?  If I think back to what I liked as a teenager, say, that would not do much for me today.  You're not a failure because what works for you has changed.

Take it as an opportunity to learn and explore.  Everybody has fantasies of stuff they've never tried, right?  Or at least most of us do?  The ones we don't even tell anyone about?  So start talking about those.  His, as well as yours.  Try something totally new.  And do it like an experiment.  Don't have a goal in mind other than to see what it feels like.

I totally agree with Kelly here,even it it turns out to be a one way street,,if you know what i mean..

***LIKE*** / ***ok - LOVE - the posts Kelly!!!! Very much agreed!

OK, I am confused.  I thought you should be in better shape, which means you would have more energy to have ***.  Plus a new body to boot.  I think maybe, you are not use to your new body or your husband's body doesn't work for you anymore.  I also have better days than others, and its nothing to do with my wife