I have an appointment with my psychiatrist in a couple hours.  I really don't feel like going.  I've been feeling pretty depressed lately so I know it seems like I ought to go.  But I am so tired of changing my  meds around when none of the changes seem to help.  I don't want to try different meds and deal with different side effects and still feel depressed.  And if I don't want to mess with my meds, why go?  What else is he going to do for me?

I don't feel like sitting in his waiting room for an hour or more.  He is always, always, running behind.  I'm tired.  I have better things to do.  Like sleep.

I think I have a pretty good psychiatrist.  But he bugs me in that every time I tell him how I can't sleep, he starts thinking maybe I am manic.  I can tell that's what he's thinking by the questions he asks me and I am not manic and have never been manic in my life and so it annoys me that he always goes in that direction.

And I just don't think he's going to be able to help me.

I'd really just like to go back to bed.

 I have recently changed from being uberannoyed at long waits in lines in waiting rooms by thinking of them as brief meditative moments. I save up things I want to think about and then allow myself the pleasure of thinking about them. Also I always have a good book on hand for waiting rooms. Or I write a letter. I love writing letters, pretty stationery, pretty stamp.

I'm sorry you're not feeling well, Kelly.

 When you do go do you feel better when you leave? Does it help to get crap off your chest to him? have you told him that you get upset when he starts to lean towards manic? If not then you should. 

I think if you know you are feeling down then you need to go. It can only help. Please go...

For me, forcing myself to do SOMETHING is always better than staying home when I'm feeling down.  I try to remind myself that I'm off my sugar "med" and need to expand my list of coping mechanisms.  For me a weekly meeting with my therapist is helpful to "dump" my worries, annoyances etc. on her instead of stuffing them down with food.  Some weeks I still walk away anxious, but little by little I'm learning I need this outlet to keep my head above water.  Meds are a part of what I do, but talking is now the biggest part of my therapy.  Hope you can find a combination that works for you.  Janet

Oh I know this dance well. I eventually took myself off anti-depressants and prayed really hard for something to keep me from jumping into traffic. This was before surgery. The meds annoyed me. They had weird side effects and I just felt out of the loop, never normal.

Interestingly enough when the weight went, so did the dramatic mood swings I had. I still have down times but I think some of my problems were hormonal. That's the only explanation I can find.

If you aren't meshing well with that psych, have you considered getting another? It's annoying when someone is always late, especially when you are forcing yourself to be there and you are there on time at that. And if this person doesn't understand your needs, then it seems to me it isn't the right person for you.

Please, please, please know you are welcome to PM me if you ever want to rant or rave about any and everything. I know it's not a fix all but I wanted to put that out there.

Hugs. I hope it gets better.

Kelly.... 

Re-read your message. You're exhibiting classic symptoms of depression with what you're saying. Excess desire to sleep and "hide" from reality is one of the big red flags for depression and it sounds like you're running away from being healthy. 

So get your butt to his office and do whatever it takes to get yourself back on track. Change sucks. But sometimes change is exactly what you need to be happier and feel better about yourself. 

Be well, my friend.
Pam

Excess desire to sleep is a symptom of depression, yeah.  But I have been have terrible insomnia for months now.  I think my desire to sleep at this moment is probably due to that fact that I have been getting about four to six hours of sleep every 36-48 hours for two or three months now.

But I know that I am suffering from depression at the moment.  I have been dealing with pretty severe depression since, I don't even remember exactly, March maybe?  Or April.

I don't know how to get myself back on track.  If I knew, I'd do it.  My psychiatrist does not seem to know either, since I've probably seen him ten times since last March and he changes my meds almost every time but my condition is not improving.

 Maybe it's time for a new psych?

Kelly...have you said all this to your pshychiatrist? Like, word-for-word?

Please go, because YOU KNOW sleeping will not improve anything!