Other people's opinions
I kind of confused about something.
I see posts often about people being afraid to tell their family or friends or coworkers that they are having WLS because they are afraid those people "won't agree with it" or will try to talk them out of it. Then I see posts sometimes where people say that they lost friends because of having WLS. And I just don't get it.
It never occurred to me, when I decided to have surgery, that some people might think I shouldn't have it. I just thought it was my decision. I guess I was lucky, because no one I told has given me a hard time about it at all.
What I don't understand is why other people think they even get to have an opinion about whether or not someone else should have surgery. Of course my mother and my neighbor and my friend get to have opinions about whether or not WLS would be right for them. But why would they think they have a say in whether or not I have WLS?
There are only a couple other areas in health care that I can think of where other people tend to think they get to have opinions and tell others what they should do. If you are pregnant and say you are planning to have a home birth, people will have opinions and some will tell you not to do it. If you decide not to vaccinate your child, people will have opinions and some will tell you that you're a bad parent. But I think that's about all.
If you tell people you are going to have your gall bladder removed because you have stones, or you are going to take insulin because you are diabetic, or you are going to get steroid injections in your back because you have back pain all the time, most likely no one tell have an opinion and tell you not to do it. So what makes WLS different? Why is it necessary for so many people to be afraid to tell people that they are having WLS? Why do other people think they have the right to tell people that they should not have surgery?
I see posts often about people being afraid to tell their family or friends or coworkers that they are having WLS because they are afraid those people "won't agree with it" or will try to talk them out of it. Then I see posts sometimes where people say that they lost friends because of having WLS. And I just don't get it.
It never occurred to me, when I decided to have surgery, that some people might think I shouldn't have it. I just thought it was my decision. I guess I was lucky, because no one I told has given me a hard time about it at all.
What I don't understand is why other people think they even get to have an opinion about whether or not someone else should have surgery. Of course my mother and my neighbor and my friend get to have opinions about whether or not WLS would be right for them. But why would they think they have a say in whether or not I have WLS?
There are only a couple other areas in health care that I can think of where other people tend to think they get to have opinions and tell others what they should do. If you are pregnant and say you are planning to have a home birth, people will have opinions and some will tell you not to do it. If you decide not to vaccinate your child, people will have opinions and some will tell you that you're a bad parent. But I think that's about all.
If you tell people you are going to have your gall bladder removed because you have stones, or you are going to take insulin because you are diabetic, or you are going to get steroid injections in your back because you have back pain all the time, most likely no one tell have an opinion and tell you not to do it. So what makes WLS different? Why is it necessary for so many people to be afraid to tell people that they are having WLS? Why do other people think they have the right to tell people that they should not have surgery?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I was so proud and excited of what I did for myself that I told everyone I knew and whoever I didn't tell my wife and my business partner did! I offered the information to strangers. I never received a negative response, especially losing near 90 lbs. since the first of the year, and I'm not nearly done yet. No more diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol or snoring?? Bring it on I say - the world is my soapbox!!
Tim
Tim
I think maybe part of why I did not get any negative reactions is because I never presented it to anyone in a manner that suggested I needed or wanted their permission. I never said, "Hey, I need to tell you something and I really hope you'll support me and I know you might not agree but it's my decision and I really feel I need to do this for me." I just said, "Hey, I'm having gastric bypass surgery in a few weeks."
I noticed many years ago that the way you tell people about things sometimes influences their reactions. When I was in a relationship with a woman, I was out to everybody. I never made a big deal about it. I never said, "Hey, um, I need to tell you something and I hope you'll be OK with it." Whenever the issue of family came up, like if someone asked if I was married or asked me what my husband did for a living or something like that, I just said, "My partner is a woman and she works for a vocational training program for people with disabilities." And I never got a negative reaction.
I noticed many years ago that the way you tell people about things sometimes influences their reactions. When I was in a relationship with a woman, I was out to everybody. I never made a big deal about it. I never said, "Hey, um, I need to tell you something and I hope you'll be OK with it." Whenever the issue of family came up, like if someone asked if I was married or asked me what my husband did for a living or something like that, I just said, "My partner is a woman and she works for a vocational training program for people with disabilities." And I never got a negative reaction.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
THIS THIS THIS!
When I chose to tell people I did so in the same way. I think because I never discussed it like I needed someone's permission I never ran into negative reactions. I learned to be this way when I was breastfeeding my daughter. I figured the best way to not make it a big deal was to not make it a big deal. I knew a lot of people who acted ashamed for breastfeeding their kid for longer than a few months. I didn't want to be like that because I was damn proud to breastfeed her. When people asked, I would just tell them. I ended up breastfeeding her for 30 months and only weaned her because of my RNY.
So... that gave me the resolve to handle discussing my surgery the same way. I wasn't going to be ashamed of it and was never going to act like it. Its my body and my decision!
When I chose to tell people I did so in the same way. I think because I never discussed it like I needed someone's permission I never ran into negative reactions. I learned to be this way when I was breastfeeding my daughter. I figured the best way to not make it a big deal was to not make it a big deal. I knew a lot of people who acted ashamed for breastfeeding their kid for longer than a few months. I didn't want to be like that because I was damn proud to breastfeed her. When people asked, I would just tell them. I ended up breastfeeding her for 30 months and only weaned her because of my RNY.
So... that gave me the resolve to handle discussing my surgery the same way. I wasn't going to be ashamed of it and was never going to act like it. Its my body and my decision!
"I think maybe part of why I did not get any negative reactions is because I never presented it to anyone in a manner that suggested I needed or wanted their permission."
I think this is key, but I think it is partly a matter of how the topic is broached and partly a matter of personality. I am not someone who particularly cares what other people THINK I should or should not do (unless, of course, I am struggling to make a decision and solicit opinions), and people who know me know that, so other than my brother and best friend expressing concern about the safety of the procedure (based on things that had heard about stomach stapling procedures from 20 years ago), I received NO negative comments. If people thought I was making a mistake, they kept it to themselves. A couple of people have made catty or jealousy/insecurity-based remarks since the weight has come off, but that's another matter. From what I know of you from your posts here over the years, you seem to have a similar personality in that respect. I know other people, however, who have very different, less assertive/confident personalities that seem to almost invite other people to offer them unsolicited opinions.... and even more people somewhere in the middle of those two.
Lora
I think this is key, but I think it is partly a matter of how the topic is broached and partly a matter of personality. I am not someone who particularly cares what other people THINK I should or should not do (unless, of course, I am struggling to make a decision and solicit opinions), and people who know me know that, so other than my brother and best friend expressing concern about the safety of the procedure (based on things that had heard about stomach stapling procedures from 20 years ago), I received NO negative comments. If people thought I was making a mistake, they kept it to themselves. A couple of people have made catty or jealousy/insecurity-based remarks since the weight has come off, but that's another matter. From what I know of you from your posts here over the years, you seem to have a similar personality in that respect. I know other people, however, who have very different, less assertive/confident personalities that seem to almost invite other people to offer them unsolicited opinions.... and even more people somewhere in the middle of those two.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
I have had some negative feed back with some of my coworkers. Some people who have never had weight issues truly do not understand. A lot of people think that I am morbidly obese because all I do is sit and eat donuts, candy, sweets, etc and that if I stop the weight will magically disappear.
They should have no say in my decision, but people think they have a right to voice their opinions about your life.
They should have no say in my decision, but people think they have a right to voice their opinions about your life.
HW-298 SW-251 Loss/Month post RNY(1)-23.5,(2)-23.3,(3)-9.9,(4)-10.6,(5)-8.9,(6)-7.7,(7)-4.2,(8)-7.5,(9)-1.7,(10)-10.8*first goal reached*,(11)-6,(12)-1.3,(13)-0.3,(14)+2.9-*changed scales that weigh 2lbs heavier*,(15)-0.3(16)-4.7(17),+5.8(18)-1.5,(19)+4.4,(20)-+4,(21)-1.2,(22)+3.5,(23)
But why do they think they have a right to voice their opinions? Do they voice their opinions about other health care issues their coworkers have?
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I think people feel they have a right because they don't see it as necessary. It is a moral failure for many people and since they see it as a "dangerous" elective surgery, especially if they think they are somehow paying for it, they feel compelled to tell you as much.
~Jen
RNY, 8/1/2011
HW: 348 SW: 306 CW:-fighting regain GW: 140
He who endures, conquers. ~Persius
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