Redefining Who I Call "Family"......

The my process is moving along ,but not without frustation from my family. There have just been so many incidents that have stressed me out. My mother and sister have just cause me so much trouble in the last few weeks.

On Friday the 16th my Father had to work early so he could not pick me up for school. The whole situation of me trying to get to school resulted in me wandering with a heavy backpack trying to find a way to school for 1 1/2 hours, then standing in front of the library in the cold for another 1 1/2  until it opened and I studied and did homework for 6 hours until it closed. On top of that my phone service was shut off that day ,so I can only receive incoming calls. I waked back to my dad's house and my uncle called and picked me up.

When  I got home I got the dumping from my mother about how I am wrong and everything is all my fault. She claims they were looking for me ,and I didn't have the decency to call and say I got a ride to school. So I no she is lying because she never called the school, my dad, or anyone. Still now she doesn't know I didn't go to school that day. My dad is still annoyed about it.

A LOT of stuff has happened besides that.

I AM REDEFINING MY FAMILY BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE DON'T DESERVE THE TITLE. MY CHILDHOOD HAS BEEN PREETY UGLY.

I AM JUST FOCUSING ON MY HEALTH AND EDUCATION AND KEEPING MY DISTANCE FROM MY SISTER AND MOTHER. I HAVE EXCEPTED THAT WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP.  AT THIS POINT I AM IN  SELF PERSERVATION MODE.

I JUST NEEDED TO RANT. I AM UNDER A LOT OF STRESS AND IT'S ALL UNNECESSARY AND DELIBERATE ACTIONS THAT ARE DONE TO MAKE ME ANGRY, DEGRADE, OR HUMILIATE ME AND IT'S NOT RIGHT ,BUT I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH IT UNTIL GRADUATION.

It's hard when you don't have the support from your family that you think a family should give you.  I totally sympathize.  Most of my life, my family has not been very supportive at all.  My mother is actually making an effort to be more supportive lately, and you know, better late than never, but I'm almost 40 years old.  When I really needed her most was when I was younger and she was not there for me then at all.

And it's hard for you when you're young because you are at least somewhat dependent on your family.  Surround yourself with supportive people as much as you can and keep in mind that soon you'll be an adult and can put as much distance between yourself and your family as you need to.

Thank you, and your right. It's still hard to except that they will never like or love me the way I need or want.

That's hard for me to accept and I am 40 years old and have not lived at home with my parents since I was 16.  We are actually biologically programmed to want our parents to love us.  So it is very hard when we don't get that.  As adults we can find other people to build a family with and that helps.  But it still hurts when we don't get that from our parents.

 Antonia,  I understand where you are coming from.  My father passed away in June and I have had to all but write one of my sisters out of my life.  Bad thing for me is there are 3 of us and we all live with in a 100 yards or less of each other.  We are all single and this one does everything she can to make mine and my other sisters life miserable.  You know I cared for our dad for 6 years and he had alzheimers and I also cared for our mother for 7 years prior to that.  For 13 years my life has rotated around my parents, and now that they are gone I don't have to listen to my sister complain because she doesn't like the way I did something.  

You can always cry on my shoulder if you need one.  I hope it is easier for you to write them out of your life than it has been for me.  

You are so right in focusing on yourself and your health right now- self preservation, as you say. Family can sure leave a lot to be desired- mine sure did, and I'm sorry yours does, too.

Try to hang around people who support you- that can help so much.

I am hoping you are feeling better! I know how you feel about your family, mine are the same way. Sometimes its hard even communcating with mine, they are crazy and there is nothing I can do to change that! Neither can u. Like you said Focus on school and getting a higher education and maybe one day they will come around. Remember what don't kill you makes you stronger!!!
Take care...

Hang in there -- I feel ya.  My mother is the most selfish, depressing, unhappy person that I know and I recently told her that I cannot and will not have her negativaty in my life.  Giving birth to someone does not entitle you to anything - you gotta earn that title of "mom"

Adrienne