Family and Friends Issues

Alright guys this might be a bit long and I'll apologize from the start but here it goes. . .I have been contemplating bariatric surgery for almost 10 years now.  I went to a consult 9 years ago and then lost my insurance so I couldn't go any further with it then.  Of course I have tried numerous things since then and nothing has worked to keep any weight off.  Now i start looking back into it since I have good insurance and I am just totally miserable and at my highest weight ever and I talk to my husband about it and he says to do what I need to do.  He supported me when I mentioned it to my sister-in-law and she said "why? you aren't big enough to have that you can lose it on your own"  This was at the beginning of august.  My surgery has been scheduled since the mid part of August and my family has known about it and my really close friends who are like another set of parents have known about it and it is scheduled for November 2nd and all of a sudden yesterday more than half of them have started telling me they don't think I need it and that i can do it on my own and that they just don't see why I'm doing this.  Now I am just totally lost and upset and I don't know what to do.  My friend who is like a father to me since I don't talk to mine (he doesn't even know I am doing this) started crying last night he is so concerned about it.  Now today my step-daughter tells me she thinks I could do it on my own and doesn't see why I am doing it, my nephew said the same thing.  I have talked to all of them pretty much since day one about this and they are just blowing me away.  It's not like I am doing this to look better it's to feel better I am just so upset.  Sorry I just had to vent they are just making me doubt myself.

perhaps you could suggest they go to an information session to aleviate thier concerns.  It sounds to me as though they are un-informed about the surgery, and your possible outcomes of doing the surgery and not doing the surgery. 
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time.  Don't let anyone change your mind for you.  If you have been informed, and have made a decision....it's YOUR decision.  
I hope for the best for you.

It sounds like they are concerned because they love you, and they care for your well-being. WLS is major surgery.

But I hope you hold true to your choice for yourself, and do what you think is right for you.

I got many of the same reactions pre-op, and now I have no regrets at all about my surgery. It is one of the best things I could have done for my health and my own well-being. I wish I had done it sooner.

Amazingly enough, those who tried to talk me out of surgery are now very supportive. Go figure!

The best thing you can do for yourself is to thank them for their concern, point out that you have been
dieting for most of your life, and you are determined to do what is right for your health.  Then go ahead
with your surgery, and come here for the cheering squad. (as well as the "kick up your b**t when you
screw up" squad) 

If diets worked, you wouldn't be doing this surgery.

Best wishes,

I am so sorry your going thru this. Sometimes we just have to learn to ignore family opinions, especially when we know ourselves better than anyone. If your at your highest weight and have tried many diets in the last 10 yrs w/ out long term succes then there is nothing wrong w/ trying the one way that will be succesful. Lean on your husband since he has seen all that you've gone thru in the past and understands what you need to do for YOU, create boundries and tell everyone else they can keep their opinions to themselves! You, have to be confident in your decision no matter what anyone says!
Talk it over w/ your husband and Doc and be at peace w/ YOUR decision. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you all for all of your support. This helps me to feel more at ease with this. I will go ahead and tell them thank you for the concern but to keep their opinions to themselves.
You guys are great!

 I do think they care about you Greatly, and are scared. How wonderful you must be to be loved so much. However, the situation makes me feel so bad for you. Most likely because I can empathize. I have a condition called IIH (pseudo tumor cerebri) and was at risk of losing my eyesight due to it. The best option for me was to lose weight quickly as in WLS, if that doesn't work, and my eye sight fails (which I was told was likely), then I would have surgery on  my optic nerves, somewhere in the mix a a shunt  might have to be put in. My sister who works in a hospital was adamant that I was making the wrong choice. My bf ominously said to really think it through and he himself didn't think it was a necessary option. These opinions weighed heavily on my mind, but I had to make the best choice I knew how to with the options I had and I was 5' 3" - 352.9 lbs for gosh sakes.Fast forward to 5 months and 1 week later. I just got off the scale (to the other WLS folks, yes, I'm a scale-a-holic), so the number might change by weigh-in time in 6 hrs, but it said I've lost 99.5 lbs. So far, the brain condition still exists, but I feel marvelous. The pressure on my optic nerves has decreased slightly, but it's a step in the right direction. All the other symptoms except the ringing in my ears have also gotten slightly better too. Even IF the brain condition does not go in remission, I feel so great now that I do not regret the choice. It has been a win situation that hopefully will turn into a win, win situation in 13 more months.

WLS was my BEST option to live a healthy, happy and productive life. Yes, it is a major surgery and has it's risks. I thought and re-thought my options. I talked to my doctor's and with others that had this surgery. I only wish I had known about this forum pre-surgery. Some of the people I know in my personal life had complications (one did in fact almost (and remember I used the word almost and not did) died. ALL of them were glad they did it in the end. It's partly a crap shoot but the odds are pretty strongly on your side to win, and you have control over where you choose to go, so pick a great doctor at a center of excellence if you plan to go forward. Remember no one else lives in your body  but you. I knew I was headed toward a miserable  and early death. I would have been a burden to the ones I loved if I had taken their advice, and I am too darn independent for that.

Just before surgery, my sister got on board and drove to MD with her husband and daughter to take care of me. Now she ooooohhhh's and aaaaahhhh's over my decision and says how great I look and how healthy my life is. My bf...he was right by my side, beginning to end. When asked, he  replied that he said that stuff to make sure I was sure of the decision I was making. I asked him what he thought so far of my loss and he blinked and said, Uhh, I didn't notice...so much for fit men with no body issues...LOL.

This really is YOUR choice and we'll be here waiting for you to join us if you choose. There are no guarantee's for anyone WLS or no WLS to live a complication free life, but obesity has serious complications of it's own as most of us here can attest to. I wish you well on your journey and  pray that you find peace and a resolution that is best for you.

Best Wishes for Peace of Mind,
Kat

Congratulations on doing so well.  I pray everything goes well with your sight.

That was so kind of you..Thanks!

Wow Kat I am so glad your other condition is getting better, I am praying and hoping it keeps going in a positive direction.

Thank you so much for the help.