Who wants to be skinny?

when I started this my goal was 175 lbs and a size 14-16 and a 12 was a dream....I never EVER thought I'd be where I'm at...





I'm thin. Yes. Many people think I'm obsessed with exercise...I do a max of 5 days per week for absolutely no more than an hour (unless it's a long training run).





I'm now into a routine where I weigh once per week. No more. and it's sheer freedom. I'm lovin it. I'm also a little less rigid on my tracking (still track but not as much as I used to)...i was 140.0 this morning but my clothes fit better than ever...and, **gasp** I have ab definition!!!!!!!! So I'm proud of that 140.0 and am not totally freaking out b/c I'm not 135.0...140.0 was my goal.....gotta run..more later

ETA: I'm back!! In training for some new processes!! Anyhoo, I will say that skinny is a preference for me NOW when it wasn't before -- does that make sense? Like, I've got it now and I want to keep it b/c I know a thousand people are watching me like a damn hawk to see if I fill out some (which my butt finally did thank GOD!!)....not that I do this for anyone else but it feels nice to go from "you have such a pretty face!" to "congrats on the marathon!", ya know?
But also keep in mind that I am barely 5'4", have short legs, and tiny toes

ANd in that pre-op goal,skinny was going to be a bonus -- I just wanted off all the meds.

 When I first started this journey, I had no idea of the size/weight relationship.  I had been heavy for so long, that when the doctor said his goal for me was 165, I was like "What?!?  That's still really big!"  Psh.  I'm so lame.   My original goal was 142.  No real reason for it.. just a number I chose.  (Actually, there is a reason for it, but it's even worse than choosing a number at random.  I read a lot and my favorite book series i****chhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.. in that series, the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything is 42.)  Ok, anyway.. I figured that would put me around a size 12 or 14.  (See what I'm saying about the size/weight relationship? I thought that a size 4 person at my height would have to be around 100 lbs.  I had no idea.)
  I am bouncing around between 144 and 147 and I am a size 4.  Here's the thing.. I never had any intention of being a size four.  It was so ridiculous for me to even think about that I never even considered it as an option.  But, NOW... I am struggling with the fact that I'm not a size 2 or a 0.  Writing this down makes me realize just how incredibley STUPID this is, but the number on the tag in my jeans became more important to me than my blood sugar levels or my cholesterol at some point.    Did I lose brain matter as part of my weight loss??  
 

So much of this rings true with me.  Different journeys, different experiences yet we wind up stopping over in the same places.  No time to be my usual long winded self today but in brief (Was that me who said brief?     ), loosing weight changed my pov in multiple areas. 

The periodic displays of what I can now accept as an eating disorder spaning most of my life; the body dysmorphia then and now; the recent preference for an ana/mia life to living smo were I forced to choose; are all screaming at me "Hey miss, your head is on lopsided.". 

I know the right words.  I know what "should" be my objectives.  I can give the best lip service to all that's good and right, and true.  In reality, hell yeah I want to be skinny.  I want my body fat % as low as it can be for a healthy person.  Sadly, this is just another angle on my head issues. 

(For those who are asking what the hell happened to brief:  you don't know me do you.     )

 Yeah, I wanna be skinny. I hate to admit it, but it is a reason in the back of my mind - less important than the health-oriented ones, but a factor nontheless. There is this fixed image in my mind of what I want to see in the mirror.... Not to say that I couldn't be happy with where I am now, for the long haul,.... but just once more in my life, I wanna see my abs - maybe ribs!-, I wanna be in the single digits. I wanna prove that I can do it again. But I'll heed your warning to get there in a more balanced, healthy way....

HIJACK


LOVE YOUR NEW PICTURE!!!

DITTO!

I'm currently fighting this demon. I'm 5'8, 173-ish, and a size 8/10. My goal is to get down to 164 (normal BMI). I tell everyone I only have 10 lbs left, when in the back of my mind, I'm already contemplating if I could make it to 150, maybe 140? I see people on here that are about my same height and weight around those weights and wear 0's, 2's, 4's, 6's. I have never been happy with my weight/size before, so I have no idea if once I'm where I need/should be, I'll 'just know' or if its going to take me forcing myself to accept it. I'm 22 years old, and though I try not to be, I can be somewhat vain...and I think that is just part of my age and something I have to work to grow out of. So yes, I want to be skinny for purely appearance reasons.

People tell me I'm 'tiny' or 'skinny' now...and I can't help but wonder what they are smoking. BUT I know, 2 years ago, if I had seen myself somewhere I'd probably have thought I was skinny. I think it is all relative to where you are currently as to how you see things.

I guess I don't know when enough will be enough. I love me. I know I don't look bad. I don't think I'm "FAT". I just want to be smaller. Why? *****ally knows.

I can admit to going back and forth with this issue. Although, most days, I am really happy at my exact size and weight right now. If I never lost another pound, I'd be just fine with it. Granted, if I gained weight back, not so much. I'm a 12/14 right now. I think I look great. I feel fantastic. What more can I ask, right?

I also think it's a matter of body frame too though. I'm 5'7 and at 177lbs. People tell me I should model ALL the time. Some of my doctors tell me that I'm at the perfect weight for my body type. I DO have a pooch in my tummy, but it's all relative. In my eyes, I'm pretty darn skinny and don't think I want to be any skinnier for fear of looking TOO skinny. I went into this wanting to feel and look healthy...and now I do.

However, I spent over a year on food issues, body issues, etc in therapy to get my mind to this point. I think I'd be struggling with the numbers and sizes if I didn't. I only weigh at the doctor's offices. That way I can't freak out over numbers.

I am so proud of you Nik!  I think you have one of the healthiest outlooks on self-love, and I am sure had a long, tough journey to get to it, but YOU DID!  For that, I am so proud and happy for you.  Your daughters are so lucky to have a Mom like you!

I don't want to be skinny. My number goal of 150 is symbolic, not actual, because I remember in high school how I agonized over weighing that much and would lie awake at night for weeks before we got weighed in gym class in front of everybody. I had no idea how beautiful and healthy my body was. I know it now. The photo below is the shamefully obese 17 year-old me.

I'm 5'3ish and "big boned." At this point my actual goals are NSVs -- blood pressure, cholesterol, glucose, fitting into vintage dresses, finding bargains at thrift shops and straight size stores, sweating much less, being able to tolerate hot weather, etc. Body-wise  I want to be voluptuous - nice boobs, smaller waist, bigger butt, the classic bombshell :). Alas, fat or skinny, that is not the figure type I was born to have and the more I lose, the further away I will be from it. Unless I wear a corset and get boob and butt implants (and the sweet salary to pay for it all) I'll just have to learn to love a smaller version of thick-waisted, flat-butt, no-hipped me. I can see myself falling into the Koolaid though because I am always pushing - if I can do this much or get away with this much can I do a little more? If that happens I'll have to come back and read this thread.