Do you have "post-opitis"?

Let me start off by saying…if you are less than six months out, I don’t think this applies to you. Everything is so new that you HAVE to talk about it to know what’s normal, what’s not, what you should be concerned about, etc.

 

But for those of us 1+ years out with no problems to speak of (and especially those at my stage) who still do some of the following…you might have “post-opitis."

 

Do you:

 

-Answer queries about how you are doing with a description of how your gastrointestinal system feels (before simply saying “fine")?

-When talking to friends about their day/travels/etc. you urge them to describe what they’ve eaten?

-At gatherings, still talk a LOT about what you can and cannot eat?

 

If any of the following sounds like you (and I mean REALLY like you…not “well I do that every once in a while…" but every single time), you MAY have post-opitis.

 

And post-opitis is not necessarily a bad thing. It means we’re paying attention to ourselves. But here’s the deal. Eventually the non-ops in your circle will tire of hearing about your stomach (or pouch), your intestines, your poo, your stoma or whatever else you talk about.

 

So be sensitive to those people. If they show irritation, try to see it from their perspective. I doubt they are being mean (although sometimes they might be). But imagine if someone talked about one subject to you (their kid, their job, their boob job) all the time. Wouldn’t you long for just a short break?

 

I say this not to be snarky. I think at one point I was the biggest offender. It wasn’t until a good and honest friend of mine mentioned that I don’t speak of anything else that I became aware of it. She let me know it’s fine to share my journey with her, but that it’s nice to talk about other things in life too.

 

So just thought I’d throw that out there in case it makes sense to anyone else.

Interesting. I've never spoken to anyone about such things. Can't imagine doing so....

Laura

Oh I don't get into nitty gritty (altho I've heard tell of it). But I am guilty of talking a LOT about the emotional baggage that surfaced as a result of my WLS. So not exactly what I could/could not eat but how it made me FEEL to see the food around me. From what in my childhood I felt that stemmed from and all that good stuff. I was bad about it.

My wounds, this friend affectionately calls it. And she's one of my bestest friends, so its someone I would tell that to. But the way she told me it was a bit much was so respectful.

Nope.  DIdn't do any of that stuff.

This was definitely me for a while.   Thankfully I came to recognise the glazed look that came over people when I mentioned it "yet again" and was able to dial it back a bit!

Now I don't tell anyone about my surgery (other than medical professionals) because it has ceased to define me or affect my day to day life!   I come here for my "fix" now and then and I still manage to make some people glaze over - maybe I should get a few complications I can complain about - cos let's be honest, there's nothing worse than someone WITHOUT a ton of stuff wrong with them LOL!

 Well - I'm just shy of 2 years out.  It hasn't been until very recently that I've begun to feel like a "normal" person and can leave some of this behind.

At work I am lucky...  there are several people who have had rny AFTER me... and several BEFORE me, so it is relatively easy to talk about.  If anything I get tired of it myself.

My husband  - I can see it in his eyes - the wish to not hear about what I can/cannot eat and why.  Of all people, I need him to be the one with the most patience.  But it didn't work out that way.

It's not unlike death.  Not a favorite subject.  But when someone really important to you dies there is a NEED to talk about it, to talk about the person, long after everyone else has moved on.  This may not be true for everyone... people who are more introverted find it easier to keep to themselves.  I worked with someone newly widowed for a few years after his sudden death.  Frank would come up all the time in conversation.  I was so glad I was cool with it because I'm certain most people would not be.  After a time, my work-mate started talking about dating... and one thing led to another..  and then we slowly heard less and less about Frank.  Life is like that.

So I'm just at that delicious place of being able to move on.  Obviously not totally ready because I keep hanging around here.  There is still support here that I need.

Great topic Nik.  YOu have a good friend who was willing to risk pointing this out to you.

It makes sense.  In fact I wasn't too far out when you posted something about this very thing.  About how people would tire of hearing about it. 

I took that post to heart and worked to become more aware of how much I talked about it and I did talk about it a lot.  So I made an effort to stop talking about it so much.  I had to cut myself off sometimes but I got better.

I also try to be aware that some folks are simply asking how I am doing since surgery just to be polite.  They don't really want to hear it.  Well at least not the detailed answer I could give them.   A simple "fine" or "oh I am doing great" is all they want. 

I've gotten so much better, actually, that even after weighing this moring and seeing my goal weight (minus .3 of a lb) I managed not to tell a soul here at work.    Actually, I haven't even told family today.  I have a sis who has RA and had to visit the doctor today so I have only inquired about how that went and what the treatment course is going to be.  And my brother is in Austin and I really think the wildfires might be taking up much of his time now so I thought I would wait a bit until they had less going on.  Or they asked.

Only my DH knows.  Well him and everyone *****ads this post.  lol

Ok, maybe I haven't gotten better. 

I actually feel the opposite.  I have not even been here in months.  I don't want to think about it all the time.  I eat what I'm supposed to and I do what I'm supposed to, but I don't like thinking about my being post-op all the time.

I just want to be "normal"....and most people just think I eat very little and don't question it...

And this is why I love my partner!  He listens to me talk about my pouch at great length and at least pretends to be interested.  I am aware that he does not really share my fascination with vitamins but he has listened patiently to numerous rants about docs recommending people take Flintstones and at least acts interested when I read him all five pages of my latest lab results.

Now, in exchange I listen to long detailed stories about how an employee (usually the same employee; I really don't know how she still even has a job) made a mistake taking reservations at the hotel at which he is a manager that resulted in guests arriving only to find there was no room left for them, and I listen to long descriptions of his latest computer project (which is usually filled with words I don't even understand).  When I'm lucky these conversations take place over a good dinner.

I MIGHT have talked too much about what I could and couldn't eat while I was still losing (so for the first 2 years), but I don't THINK that I did... since I was able to eat almost everything from the very beginning... I just chose not to.  I never asked other people about their food, though, or described how my system "felt" (once beyond the first few months).

One of the women who had surgery before me STILL -- at about 7 years out -- makes a HUGE production about where and what she can eat because of her RNY when she is around anyone (even though I know from someone who used to live with her that she sometimes eats complete crap at home!)... it is so annoying that people avoid ask her to join in on an outing... so I vowed when I had this surgery that I would NOT be like her.  I just wanted to be a normal size and have a normal life... and at 4 years out, I no longer feel like a post-op.  On the occasions when i need to talk about BEING a RNYer, I come here.

I do feel bad, though, that since I have been struggling with the once-mysterious abdominal over the past 18 months, my poor mom has been subjected to having to listen to speculation about the cause of the pain, descriptions of the pain, descriptions of how my new anatomy functions and feels, etc..  That is just with her and, to a lesser degree, my best friend, and was just because I was having so much pain and was so frustrated about getting someone to help.  I know that she will be relieved to not have to hear it now that the problem has been found and fixed!

Lora