I found out that my uncle who I am very close to has probably about a year left to live. His cancer was in remission but it is back and now in his lungs. I found out today at my cousins wedding and I am just do sad. I love my uncle so much and I can't imagine family get togethers without him. He is so full of life and he knows this is happening. His kids are 19 and 21 and his wife is 50. I feel so sad for my aunts and cousins. 

This brings back so many memories for me because when I was 15 my dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer and within 9 months he died. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. I hate that anyone else has to go through it too. 

I just want to eat SO bad. I've never felt the pull of food this much since the surgey. At the wedding I did a really good job. I had a glass of wine but paced myself. Had a few meatballs, some cheese, and some bites of chicken and a couple bites of cake. But then later I had pizza and more cake and in retrospect I knew I was reaching for food for comfort. 

I just need to have some encouragement. 

Sorry to hear all that.  But remember you did this for you so u can be healthy. Just take a deep breath and count to 10. Try to hang in there and remember food is not the answer. Go for a walk and look around at all the wonderful things around.

pam

 i am so sorry to hear that about your uncle...i can only imagine how difficult this is for you.  

just remember how far you have come and i can only imagine that if your uncle is so important to you...you are that important to him.  he would not want you to fall back into old habbits of feeding your emotions because of something he is going through.  

be strong.  you can do it.  while the news you recieved is devistating, reverting back to you old habbits can be devistating too.  what you had at the wedding is in the past.  don't beat yourself up over a few more bites of cake and pizza.  remind youreslef of how hard you worked and focus on the positivies.

you can get through this with out food...believe in yourself.  we are all here for you!

Hey there darling, I am from the south.  (Texas actually)  We eat for EVERY reason. We eat for happiness, sadness, comfort, whatever.  This is one of the reasons why I reached a little over 500 lbs. once.  I am post-op and still have those old thought patterns creep into my mind.  Living 43 years a certain way doesn't change itself in a matter of 5 months.  However, I have to ask myself am I genuinly hungry or am I bored or what emotion am I experiencing at the time.  Journaling has helped me a lot.  Also, getting busy doing anything else besides eating has had to become a habit.  I still wrestle with those thoughts, but with God's help, it doesn't bother me as much anymore.  Hang in there and you'll be just fine! :)  Cindy

So sorry to hear your sad news. Don't compound the feelings by trying to eat them away. We've all done enough of that to know it doesn't work.  You'll find a way to get through this. I agree that journaling can be really effective.  Put it on paper and get it out.  I tend to go back and read my thoughts and feelings later, and then I pull out pages and shred them up. There's something cathartic for me in letting go of things on paper.  Reach for something else to do instead of reaching for food.  If you're near your uncle, take lots of pictures or get family pictures of happy times and goofy times and make a memory book. It takes time to learn and make new behaviors. Be good to yourself...you'll get there.

I'm so sorry for you about your uncle.

Loss and the threat of loss often make us want to regress. See if you can let yourself feel the feelings instead of trying to comfort yourself with food. Maybe write your uncle a letter telling him how much he has meant to you and why. Try the journaling. Draw a picture of him. You get the idea.

I find that when I give myself permission to feel whatever it is I'm feeling, the urge to stuff my feelings through food isn't as strong.

And stay active. Take out your anger at his diagnosis through exercise. I run especially hard when I'm mad.

Do things for him.

My heart goes out to you. And he is as lucky to have you as a niece as you have been to have him as an uncle.

Grief causes hunger. Hunger for connection. Hunger for peace.
I'm sorry for your uncle and his family.
I'm sorry you lost your father at such a young age.
It's okay to feel this.
You can feel this and not eat cake.
You can eat cake.
Just keep trying to feel you feelings.
Deb T.

I'm so sorry you lost your father at such a young age...and this news about your uncle is very sad. I'm sorry you are going through this and are struggling!

I am pre-op so I am not quite where you are but I have experienced loss such as this and I needed to get help to both "find" and deal with my emotions.   I began seeing a therapist four years ago after someone in my family commited suicide and my grandmother who I was very close to passed.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made.  Among other things, she eventually started me with food journaling and helped me become aware of when I was eating and why and I know this will help me tremendously after surgery.  Don't be afraid to reach out for help!  

I am so sorry for this sad news.  This is certainly the kind of feeling that sends me to eat too.  I think you have received some great advice already.

1) journaling
2) give yourself permission to feel your feelings - it is OK
3) reach out to your uncle and his family - offer your love and support
4) find a healthy outlet for when you are feeling overwhelmed
5) don't be afraid to reach out for help - family, friends or professional

Andrea.

I'm so sorry about your dad and your uncle.

I was a "comfort eater" and had done REALLY well for over 3 years after my surgery with either not having the urge to eat when I was upset (which shocked the heck out of me!) or with overcoming the urge the few  times that it DID come up... I thought I had that demon beat!  Then, earlier this year several thing**** me all at once and I was an emotional mess... and that urge to use food to dry the tears came back with a vengeance!  (Realizing that I was not free of that demon after all just made things worse, of course.)

Being aware of the urge... knowing that it is the negative emotion that is triggering the urge to eat... is half of the toolset that you need to use to overcome the urge.  Finding non-food ways to address the sadness is the other half.  ANYTHING you can do that will allow you to express the sadness, fear, etc., or that will allow you to soothe yourself will help you avoid using food to do it.  Think about what kinds of things offer you comfort or stress relief (make a list so you have it handy and can look at it when the urge to eat is really strong).  Many people find that writing can be very therapeutic.  Just get out a blank piece of paper and let the emotion pour out onto that paper in whatever way you need to -- writing a letter to someone (not intended to be sent... just intended to allow you to express yourself... maybe a letter to your dad, for example), just writing out a list of thoughts and emotions, poetry, etc).  Other typical things to help might be listening to music, playing with a pet, walking/exercising, a bubble bath, some type of hobby activity, talkjing to a friend on the phone, playing games on the computer... whatever types of things will occupy your mind and allow you to feel better.

Just take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.  Every time the urger to eat hits and you find something ELSE to do is a small victory and will strengthen your ability to deal with that demon.

Lora