they operate on our tummies...

What I really hate is not being able to talk to anyone about the fact I stare inside the refrigerator every single night at the same items, as I have been for the past four months. Or the fact I have to come to a physical stop in the grocery store and count what I’m taking out of the yogurt section to keep myself from buying hoarder-style. I can’t go down the ice cream aisle. I spend twenty minutes in the section where all the breakfast meal bars are, reading label after label…"can’t have that, can’t have that, oh hell no…really can’t have that!"

Nobody in my tiny circle understands when I go out I have an incredibly difficult time eating a six dollar egg someone scrambled while they pack away a stack of blueberry pancakes drowned in a plate full of syrup and butter. Last night during a training session at church, I physically turned a pregnant lady away from me because she was eating a burrito from Chipotle. There were burritos, chips & salsa everywhere. All I kept thinking was, “Oh dear GOD, get me out of here!" Seriously, who does that?? 

The scale has almost become an obsession. If it weren’t for the fact my clothes have physically gotten too big, I would completely flip out over the lack of movement. I’m totally bugged my weight loss is from the top down. I hate what I see in the mirror, things all misshapen, and stretch marks from my biceps to my thighs. My socks fall down, shoes are too big, and I still can’t see my toes.

I wasn’t prepared for this prior to surgery.

Good question! I started dealing with the head issues a couple of years before I even considered surgery. My first step was to stop eating at McDonald's. I used to go there every day. I told myself it was cheap, quick, and convenient, and since the meals I ordered were small, it was ok. When I really thought about it, I realized I could spend a little more money and time and eat WAY healthier food. Deciding I was worth that time and effort was the first way I started dealing with my head issues.

Now, I am working on beginning to take care of my body. Exercising 6 days a week even if it means adjusting my work schedule. Taking time to sleep. Taking time to shower. I am working on putting my health and well being to the top of my list of priorities. Like they say on the plane, put your own oxygen mask on first before you help anyone else. It's the best chance you have of everyone getting out alive.

Thanks for prompting this discussion.

I agree 100%!  I have seen too many people (both personally and professionally) who lost weight but did NOT do anything to address the emotional and psychological issues behind the obesity and, of course, gained much of their weight back. One of those had the DS, so for anyone who believes that the DS is a guarantee oif no regain, think again (and talk to Ladytazz).  For me, there were several emotional/psychological issues, several of which I had started working on long BEFORE I had my surgery. 

The biggest issue for me was eating for comfort or stress relief.  The pattern was already well-established, but after my SO and oldest brother both died unexpectedly within 9 months of each other, I gained about 80 additional pounds in about a year and went from MO to SMO.  I am MUCH better at this than I used to be, but still occasionally struggle with it 4 years out when my emotional or stress level gets very high.

I also sometimes ate out of boredom.  That was by far the easiest of the issues to deal with but, ironically, perhaps the hardest one to actually identify!

I already had PTSD (stemming from a sexual assault about 5 years before my RNY), and there were a couple of ways that my weight was a "part of" the assault that I needed to deal with.  Those things I was already working on before surgery, and that, combined with leiminating the weight itself had resolved the issue.

The biggest problem I have NOW is being satisfied with the body that I ended up with (even though I am not surprised by it). I knew intellectually that I would ALWAYS have a very large chest and very muscular thighs with large kneecaps, but emotionally I still wanted to be a size 8 (which is NOT going to happen unless I become emaciated).  Because I sometimes get discouraged by not being a single digit size and feel like a "failure" (which I know is ridiculous), I have to watch out for times when I want to have more of a treat than the small amount I have already had (or want an additional treat) and the accompanying thought that, since I cannot be the size I really wanted to be, "will having this extra treat really hurt anything?"  The answer, of course, is yes... so I need to be on guard for that kind of rationalization and self-sabotage.

I do not have a significant worry about, or fear of, regain (which so many people seem to have), but I do take distinct steps to keep my weight under control.  It sometimes surprises me that I don;t have more of a fear of regain... but I think that the empowerment of actively controlling regain is more beneficial than just a passive fear of having it happen.

Lora

Great post Kelly,

    I have said it a few times that I feel for me, working with a therapist has been on of the most important things I have done to make this WLS a success. I also started therapy a few years before I had surgery.  Which helped me get my head in the right place to go forward in having the surgery. I had thought about doing this for years, but I just knew deep down I wasn't ready to make the huge life style changes. Sometimes I wish I had done this much earlier, but I know I wouldn't of been as successful. I had a lot of things to work through first. I was MO for a reason, one of which I was trying to hide(there is so much more, I could go on for days). So now not being so invisible is hard to deal with, and something I can't deal with on my own. I could go on. Support in some form, from OH to friends and family or a formal support group are important at least in my opinion.

Excellent and useful thread- thanks yet again, Kelly.

So true, the need for the head work. WLS is not the magic wand for eternal happiness- I think it often stirs up way more issues than it solves, and that for some of us, losing our protective layer is unsettling and frightening. Plus life just goes on, bumpy as ever, people change their perceptions of us and how they relate to us, and we have a hell of a time changing our own self perceptions.

"Empowerment of actively controlling regain"- I really agree with that, Lora. I stress that with my clients, being a psychotherapist, as well as myself, being in therapy. I'm appreciating rather than resenting the challenge, and successfully managing that challenge helps my self esteem. Which makes being thin more fun and easy, to say nothing of liberating.

Yay, nice to know of another therapist in the group!  (There are a number of us that I already know of.)

Lora

Yup, another one of us! We surely are all on this journey together...

It definitely brings up all kinds of issues.  While it can be hard to deal with those things, I think at the same time it's a positive thing that having this surgery to lose weight is also giving us the perfect opportunity to deal with emotional issues that really do need to be dealt with.

I may always be a food hoarder- it's what I hoard that has changed. Now it's healthy stuff like cherry tomatoes, snap peas, and baby carrots. I have to choose my battles carefully and in a step-wise fashion.

Yup, I'm a head case, i. e. human! What a journey!

I'm with you, Kelly, about using WLS as a context and opportunity for dealing with our baggage. It is all intertwined.

Kelly

This is an excellent post.  When the surgeon told me that RNY was just a tool, I didn't realize what that meant.  It is all a head game.  The key to losing weight is following the program that is set out for us, and the tool helps us some, but it's our head.  You don't know how many times, when I'm tired and frustrated I think "wouldn't a piece of chocolate be nice"...and that way I found out I don't dump.....So for this to be a success, I need to have my head in the place where food is to keep our bodies running, and that's it!