they operate on our tummies...

not on our heads.  We've all heard that, right?

The further out I get from surgery, the more convinced I am that doing the "head work" is the key to success.  Well, maybe not the only key, but at least a very, very important one.  And I think this is true no matter how we define success.

Even if we somehow manage to eat the right foods and maintain our weight loss without doing the head work, which I think is unlikely but maybe some people can, we're not going to be happy and feel good about ourselves if we don't do the head stuff.

I think this surprises some of us.  We expect losing weight to improve our self esteem, cure our food addictions, resolve our depression, etc.  Surgery might help those things some, but there really is no surgery that cures depression.  They tried that in the past, remember?  Lobotomies?  Didn't work.

Since we are all individuals, we will have different issues we need to work on to fix the "head stuff" and we'll need to do it in different ways.  But we're going to need to do it.  One thing I really wish I had realized was how important this would prior to surgery.  If you are hoping to have WLS in the future or even just considering it, you can still start working on the head stuff.  It will end up helping you even if end up not  having surgery after all.

What are the head issues you've had to deal with (or need to deal with, if you haven't quite gotten there yet)?  Some of the biggies for me have been feeling comforted by large amounts of food, feeling guilty about eating and eating when no one is around to see me, and feeling not good enough (not just in terms of weight, but in lots and lots of ways).

My head issues are body dysphoria (sp) I think yall called it. Im not happy at all with mine...
I have some mental issue not sure if it's depression or some other illness. (havent gotten it diagnosed) but I DO know that Im addicted to food
I watch food network or cooking channel or all things food ALL DAY LONG
I cook daily whether Im hungry or not.
I KNOW that I cant eat certain things but I do.. feel like **** pop a pill (that Im now getting from my twin since she's a pharmacist.. since my surgeon knows Im fine and was bulimic)

Yep the head work is critical... I'm seeing a LCSW who specializes in WLS patients (she is one herself)  and I'm working on it with her.... my soon to be X husband did NOT do the head work and while he's thinner in body.. he still HATES HIMSELF and refuses to get therapy.  I could NOT take his behavior any more and when he opted to leave because of my friendship with my now boyfriend I did not stop him (it's way more complicated than that but in a nutshell he did not even want me to try to save the marriage and I was relieved about that)....

I eat when I'm bored... I eat when I'm worried. I've learned that when I am mildly stressed I want food but when I am VERY stressed I shut down...  we call it the pain and suffering diet....

I never feel guilty about eating but I do obsess about that number on the scale....

I still feel like a failure because my BMI hovers around overweight (in my size 6 almost too big jeans with my perfect blood work).... 

I struggle with fear of regain daily... and I almost envy those that are too thin although 5 pounds ago I was too thin and I looked sickly.... now I look perfect and I am afraid to not LOOK perfect.

I will never ever feel perfect.

I work with a woman who lost about 30 pounds (no clue how much just guessing) through diet and exercise... but she has become so body dysmorphic and self loathing I fear for her mental health... tell her she looks good and she says NO... tell her she's thin and she says "clothes hide a lot I am fat and disgusting"... I told her she needs therapy and she laughed at me... it's sad....  

Nessa, what does LCSW stand for?  I have Kaiser not sure if any counselors specialize in WLS but would love to find one that does.

Licensed Clinical Social Worker

A grad school colleague of mine (and ex-friend) who had her surgery several years before I did (and who still needed to do some work on some emotional/psychological stuff, both weight-related and not) used to say that she started out fat on the outside and thin on the inside but ended up thin on the outside and fat on the inside! 

Lora

I tell folks I'm still a 300 pound chick in the matrix... it's my residual self image...

http://matrix.wikia.com/wiki/Residual_self_image

What a great post Kelly!!!  I can't believe how true this is. 

I have been over weight my whole life.  Everyone always would say "you never looked that big" or "I never see you eat a lot of food" --- truth be told I always ate when no one was looking.  I thought after this surgery that would go away.... WHOAH was I wrong. 
I can no longer eat like I used to of course, but the second my husband leaves the house... I'm looking in the cupboards or the fridge.  I can not figure out how to stop this.  I try.  There are times that I actually will go through the cupboards or fridge and actually not eat anything... but I still do it.
And yet.... I still have no idea why I do it.....

Thanks again for the post!  Gets me thinking about it, b/c I sure try to ignore this behavior - even though it is never going to go away at this rate.

Jamie

I do that too, run to the kitchen to look for food when I'm home alone.  Not nearly as much as I used to, but I still do once in a while.  It's kind of scary.  I mean, to me that says I have some serious issues.  A couple months ago I spent a week visiting my sister and I would go in the kitchen when no one was around and grab some crackers or something out of the pantry and put them in the guest room so I could eat them when I was alone at night before going to bed.  Wow, I have never really talked about this before.  I guess I'm gonna keep my therapist in business for a long while, huh?

+Kelly,  I agree whole heartedly with you. When I attended the info session on WLS one of the ideas presented was to think about why we are fat not thin. Are we afraid? I was aware of many failed WLS and wanted to know why. I realized I would need support from professionals along with my immeadiate family and friends. Yes we do have preconcieved ideas what losing the weight will "buy us" in life.  Happiness, new partners, beauty, better job, nicer clothes, lots of attention. etc.
But when stress such as bodily pain, family or job turmoil come at us the old impulses of reaching for our old comfort foods. Head hunger yells as it has before WLS. You find people giving you attention, but not always the kind you want. Depression hits you once again for no apparent reason. Those are the times I am grateful to have a WLS support group to attend along with counseling and this wonderful website here at OH.
No my head was not operated on but it sure feels messed up at times.  I take things one day at a time, sometimes hourly ! I have had my meds changed to assist with the times of bodily aches, sadness, and other challenges. I have been surprised by some of these challenges. I worry about being a long term success. Will I have the healthy habbits in place in two years when the malabsorption is gone? Will I have the strength to honor my pouch and not test it, causing stretching and weight gain? Will the fat image leave my head when I look in the mirror?
I not only pray that these challenges are met but I do have in place different support systems to assure my success, health and happiness. Kahwren