That is an awesome postt Kelly, Thank you. We all as women in general think we have to be superhuman at times...we aren't! This new tool I was given, is just that, a tool.  I will use it wisley, but it will not run my life. i run my life and this has helped me to make it a little easier for me to get down on the floor and play with the grandkids....something I did before, but had a heck of a time getting up...lol.  My glass is always half full....so just eat that bite of cake and know it was yummy and that you may do it again one day.....forgive yourslef like you forgive others :-)

 I whole heartedly agree with you post Kelly..We are not perfect and never will be.

But for me this early out I am going to be strict with myself make myself stick to my rules. So that I can learn this new life and have it become second nature. So yes when I do go against my rules I feel bad but its not guilt it is anger at myself. One for eating it when I knew better and two for reverting back to the ways that got me fat in the first place. Will I always be this strict with myself? no I will eat bread, have cake or a treat once in awhile. But right now is the time where I can make the most out of my new life and I will be damned if I am gonna screw it up. This is how I am in all my life...and I am one of those parents with strict rules for my kids.

And that's absolutely fine.  I don't think there is any one right way to do this whole WLS thing.  Just like I don't think there is one right way to be a parent.  There is just what works best for us, as individuals.  Eating cake every day probably would not work for any of us, but some of us would do fine eating cake once a week while others would do better eating cake once a month.  We really do need to answer the question about how often to eat cake for ourselves because no one else can really know what's best for us.  And it may take us some time and experimenting to figure out the answer for ourselves.

Great post Kelly,

Before I had surgery, I was always feeling quilty about what I was eating. My habits were horrible. I was such a closet eater too. I have found, with lots of therapy and self exploration, that when I begin to feel quilty about what I'm eating, the more I want to eat.  All I can do, is take each day as it comes. It is hard, and this is a process. When I read some of the posts of others, who are more strict then I am. I wish I could be like that too, but know realisticly I can't. I just do what works for me, and make the best possible choices I can.  

I adore you and your insight! It's a great reminder! We're human and perfection is an illusion that noone will ever obtain! Society tells us we have to be perfect or a certain way and we don't realize the damage we're doing by expecting perfection!
I've had people get on me about not wanting to be a size 6 or not wanting to be skinny! I even had someone who's post op tell me I'm ruining my chances at being skinny by getting pregnant and I should enjoy skinny first! My goals weren't for perfection, they were for healthy!
We're not failures, bad people or worthless if we make mistakes! It makes me sad that we can be so mean to ourselves when we don't meet this "perfection" standard that we expect! We all fight the "I'm not good enough" monster that haunts us every day!

I learned long ago that to forbid myself of something that I really wanted would only lead to me eating everything else in the house, so it would have been better for me to just have had a small portion of what I wanted at the time and would have been much better off. Before my surgery, people that did not have very much information often said I couldn't give up this or that and I would just say, I'm only giving up things for a little while and when I can have them again, I'll be able to eat a healthy portion. I loved sweets and when they ask me about that, I would say, well, it depends on how my body reacts, but sometimes people can have a bite or two of this or that, but there are plenty of delicious deserts made with splenda and such that there really is no need to feel deprived of anything. Kelly I am so glad you posted, I am only a few weeks out and follow the rules spot on at this point, because of the way my post op diet progresses, but I also haven't wanted any of the things that I thought I would miss either, so all is well for now. I agree that there are no bad foods and I agree that everyone has to set their own limits, because only you know what weaknesses you have and what foods trigger what habits. Most importantly though is knowing that we are human and if we set our goal to perfection, we will fail. This surgery is meant to be a tool for us to use as a foundation for regaining our health. If we don't do our part, it will be like every other "tool" we have used, that does not mean perfection, just awareness about our bodies and what works for each of us.

They've done studies that have found that it works that way for most people - if they decide something is forbidden, they just crave it more and then eventually end up eating huge amounts of it.  They also found that when parents don't let children eat any sweets or make other foods forbidden, those kids tend to want the forbidden foods more and to eat lots and lots of them whenever they get the chance.  I'm sure it does not work that way for everyone, but it does work like that for many people.

I think it makes good sense to stick close to the rules in the beginning.  First, there may be medical reasons for some of the "rules."  I mean, we just had major surgery to our digestive system.  Sometimes people with ulcers or other stomach conditions need special diets for a while too.

But also, the rules give us a foundation that we can later build upon.  It's a starting place.  If you never baked bread from scratch before, the first time you try it you're going to follow a recipe very carefully.  But after a while you might decide to try the recipe with less oil or less sugar or add some spices to it or something.  When you try those things, your bread might turn out even better than before or it might not turn out so well.  You'll just have to try it and see.  The rules we are given in the beginning are our recipe.  We may decide to adjust it a little as time goes on.