"You cheated"....

Oh, I agree, the negativity was hers.  Or still is, whatever.  This was several years ago and I'm over it now.  Haven't even thought about it in a while, until reading this post.  It was the "second mom" part that made me think of her.  I haven't spoken to her in several years and with all the time in between, I'm not nearly as upset about it all now as I was back then.  At the time, though, I drove home, a three hour drive, crying all the way.

I know how you must have felt;  I had a close friend betray me in the worst possible way,
and it took many years before I could trust her again.

Sad, but that is sometimes life....

If this woman has been your friend for these years, how can she not know these things
about you? 

I'm very sorry that she has chosen to denigrate you, but the others are right;  just let it
go and don't communicate with her any more.  Not even to refute any of her nasty charges.
She doesn't deserve any returns from you.

Let her go. 

You are carrying enough problems with your parents health problems and your own. Don't
let her have anymore room in your life.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Unfortunately, one of my friendships ended over issues that culminated with WLS for me. We were both heavy and dieted through the years together. Before the WLS she wasn't vocal with me about the criticism, I only found out about it later - but after - oh.. my.. God.  Her wedding was 2 months after surgery and when I say she told everyone who would listen, I mean everyone - from other people in the wedding to the caterer that I was losing weight but I wasn't trying, I had surgery a couple months before. The comments involved things like me cheating, not having to work for it, it being as fake as plastic surgery, me having surgery to be someone I'm not, trying to be better than her etc. When the comments continued and became nasty and obviously intended to hurt, I ended the friendship.

I'm really sorry to hear about your Dad. I hope things turn for the better for you in the coming months. That has to be frustrating. Be proud of yourself, where you are and who you are and forget people like her who have to cut you down to feel better about themselves.

I've lived long enough now to have 3 of these type situations resolve themselves after many years.  I had one friend who abruptly "unfriended" me (long before facebook).  She called me up one day to tell me she no longer wanted to be my friend.  Stunned - I asked why - and she had some excuse that sounded lame to me - but I was too stunned to argue or ask questions.  9 years elapsed, and I received an email asking for forgiveness.  We then had a phone call and she told me the real reason (there is an ocean between us now, so we can't see each other).  The real reason was that I was fat - and my friend is a true fat phobe!  She took complete ownership of her issue, and was so sorry that she hurt me, and she wished to renew our friendship.  We have done that.

This person is not shallow - but she really had awful conditioning around fear of fat.  I commend her for dealing with it, and renewing our friendship.  Years later, I've gone through the gastric bypass - and she has been wonderfully supportive. 

Long story short - take care of your wounded heart, but let her go. 

sometimes ya just have to "let go and let God",,ya know? my heart goes out to you hun,heaven knows you have enough on your plate right now then to have to deal with such pettiness,i pray a speedy recovery for your Mom and God's Mercy's on your Dad.

What an awful message for you to get.  I would cut ties and not waste any more time on her.
You have enough to worry about right now.

With major life events, a person finds out who their true friends are. Sometimes what we find out is a surprise and hurts like hell- sorry you're having to deal with this along with all the other stressful things you are coping with.

Please keep looking for your true friends and support. Right now you sure need them- my heart goes out to you. You have a lot of love and courage to be carrying the load you are carrying.

Wow, what a slap in the kisser that was.  I am sending you big hugs because I do know how this hurts.

I will tell you that as I have made my journey towards a healthier, more balanced and spiritual life, I have had to let go of some relationships that were once very dear to me, and I still feel the pain of the loss. 

When we are living out of balance, we tend to cultivate relationships with those that are like minded, however, when we seek a healthier life and emotional balance while they stay in the chaos, we have two choices to make, stay stuck or move on...

I chose to move on... and it does hurt.  It is painful, but there is always a measure of pain in growth I think. 

The most important thing you can do for yourself is to understand that what this woman said about you is not about you at all, but is actually about how she views the world from her front porch.  It speaks of her character, not yours, so do not take what she says into your heart because to do so would be to buy into her dysfunction.

Wishing you healthier relationships as you move forward in your new life...

DEB

I just wanted to thank you ALL for your support. My family feels the same way as we all do and ties were cut the moment she tried to fight with me while my ma was in the hospital having her surgery. I had never even spoke to her afterward and will not. I'm just glad that what I did in response (block her online and in person) seems to be the right thing to do for time being.  

I don't know what I'd do without all your guys' support!