"You cheated"....

Oh my, I took a big blow to self esteem and my ability to trust people these last 2 weeks. 

A little back story: I have been friends with a lady for about 3.5 years now. She's a little younger than my mama but not by much. She's one of those "second mom" types, always there for me and always showing love and compassion.  We were both on "diets" for about 2 years but my "diet" ended in RNY while she was refused surgery by insurance and has lost 40 lbs in the past 2 years. I think 40 lbs without surgery is AWESOME and made sure she knew that too!

Just 2 weeks ago, we found out my dad has 2 kidneys ridden with cancer. One is completely gone and the tumor is bigger than the kidney while the other one has little cysts all over and it. My mama was going in for a major spine surgery so she would be able to walk again.  My fiance lives with my parents and I but he's a truck driver with long hours so I don't ask him to do much around the house. Due to all of this, I've been doing pretty much everything that the daughter, mother, wife and fiance does. I've also had an arrangement with my parents for about the past 10 years, they pay the rent and I pay the utilities ...it works out to where I'm paying all of their bills as well as mine but it's my mama and daddy, money is just money and I'd rather have my parents not be homeless. 

Now in light of all this, I check facebook the morning of mom's back surgery and get ready to update family members throughout the day only to find a private message from this "mom type". I started reading only to find out that the message is ridden with hate, jealousy and ridicule.  I was told that:

--I'm freeloading off my parents and should be ashamed.
--I'm lazy and should do something for someone else for a change.
--I'm deceptive because I tell people I lost weight but don't tell them 'welfare' paid for it.
--I should stop b***hing about what I got for free.
--I'm a crap christian (this coming from a wiccan woman...I'll leave that alone...)
--I cheated...???

WOW - now my earlier paragraph tells you my whole "freeloading" situation ..pfft! Lazy..well I guess thats a matter of opinion. Deceptive - - I'm on disability..not 'welfare' and when people ask: I tell them, I'm not in the habit of telling every person I meet that I'm on assistance because I'm unable to work yet: it's embarassing to me to have an associates degree that I can't use. I don't gripe about what I was given (RNY) for free... I stated that I have a grouchy pouch, I almost died from my gallbladder being completely full and backing up bile and the weight distribution has not gotten rid of my back issues but only moved it up to mid back as well (extra skin). I refuse to argue about religion and ...cheated??!?! 

I fail to see how RNY is cheating - - I'm just at a loss here. Why do people become so nasty and jealous because I chose a path in life that improves my health.  It just seems that I can do no right.  I've since not even acknowleged the woman who started all of this but it still hurts.  To have someone you look up to, love, and trust to tell you it was all a lie and that they really hate everything you stand for.

I guess this is more of a rant, not asking for sympathy here just wondering if anyone else has had a falling out and lost VERY close people in your lives simply because you chose a better path?

=(

Personally, I would "unfriend" her from Facebook, and in person too. It sounds like your plate is full already without more stress. Dave

I have Dave. It just still stings ya know? Makes you wonder what other people who've cared for years actually think. Grr...just...GRR LOL

Cut her from your life; she's toxic.  Only you can allow her to hurt you and it doesn't sound like something you need.

Be free and enjoy your new life.

 I completely agree with the two prior posts..
      . CUT her.  REFUSE all further contact....She doesn't  really know you  or what's going on in your life.
           Remember that SHE chose .....for you to cut her because she is proving herself unworthy of  the friendship you have extended to her in time past.

I agree with Dave and was going to say the same thing.  I hope you not only defriended her but blocked her as well.  She doesn't deserve any more of your time or energy.  I don't know how much weight she needs to lose but it sounds like she is very jealous of your success.
You are doing great and you are changing your life and deserve nothing but praise and encouragement.  You will find that as you change you will have people come and go from your life.  Sometimes the transition is easy and sometimes it is hard.  This is one of those hard times.  Don't forget that God doesn't close a door without opening a window.  There are even better people who will come into your life who will treat you as you deserve and not walk over you because you won't let them anymore.
Take care.

I'm sorry you're going thru all this!!
Sometimes people are just haters because of their own hang-ups; it's their issue, not yours. Don't take on what isn't necessary or isn't yours, because you're dealing with enough. I have major respect for people on disability; it's not easy to get on it and not easy to deal with. I have lots of clients on Medicaid & SSI - - they are not lesser people and I take offense to anyone who believes they are. To live with your parents shows credit to you - - some people can't even stand to live in the same state with their parents (like me.). So a friend is collateral damage from this process of change; consider her part of the weight you've lost.

Sometimes people come into your life for a season.  It sounds like her season is over.  She was great support for you when you needed it early on.  Instead of being mad at her and stuping to her level, be the person you really are and let her go and wish her well.  People like your friend are indeed jealous.  We unfortunately live in a society that cannot be happy and supportive of one another if we too don't benefit.  You are doing things for the right reason, your RNY to help you gain back your health so that you can use your Associates Degree, supporting your parents because that is just the right thing to do, and taking care of your fiance' because when you get married, that's what married people do.  Don't spend much time thinking about this woman, instead be grateful for what you had and look forward to the amazing life you are building for yourself.

I did not have that experience after my RNY but I did have a very close friend that really was like a second mom to me and we had a falling out before my surgery.  I moved a few hours away from her and we talked on the phone fairly often but had not seen each other for a long time.  I went to visit her and the first thing she said when she saw me was "Wow, you've gained weight!  How much did you gain?  Why are you gaining so much weight?"  I was really offended (even though I had gained a lot of weight, I felt she was being unsensitive) but I very politely said "You know, I really prefer not to talk about it" and changed to subject.  But not five minutes later she said "It's OK if you don't want to talk about it.... but how did you gain so much weight?"  WTF?  If it's OK that I don't want to talk about it, why do you keep asking me?

So I got mad and ended up cutting the visit short.  Then she got mad because I cut the visit short and she apparently didn't understand why I was bothered by her questions.

Then she went on this message board and posted a bunch of pretty personal stuff about me.  She and I are both Wiccan and she also accused me on the message board of putting negative energy over her or something to that effect, trying to blame me for some things that were not going well in her life.  Um, yeah, sure, that's my fault.

At least you got a private message.  The whole world could have read all the crap she had to say to me.  I wish I could understand why some people have to be like this.

My understanding of Wicca is that when you put out negativity, that's what you get back from the
Universe.  If I were you, I would simply wish her the best, then put her out of your mind.  It's too bad
that an old friend has done this to you, but it looks like it's actually her negativity, not yours.

Blessed be