Thoughts from my 4-year follow-up appt today

I was not feeling well today (moderate belly pain) and the past few days have been pretty emotional regarding weight issues (partly as the result of finding out about the suicide of the woman who felt like a RNY "failure" because she wasn't thin as a rail, and partly because I am right at my self-imposed 5 pound weight gain limit and if I am still at the same weight tomorrow I will need to do my "back to basics" for the next couple of weeks... and right now I am just NOT in the mood to worry about what I am eating)... but I had to go to my 4-year follow-up appointment with my surgeon today.

I did not eat lunch before I went (I was napping) and my blood sugar level dropped while I was in the waiting room, so I was pretty shaky by the time I saw her.  She expressed concern about my shakiness, but I assured her that I had almonds in the car and would be fine. She reaffirmed that what I am typically eating for my 6 or 7 meals/snacks is fine from both a weight mangement and nutritional standpoint -- and confirmed that, from a metabolic standpoint, eating smaller more frequent meals has been proven to be better than just 3 meals per day (assuming the same number of calories) --  and she told me that I looked good and looked healthy.  I did not realize how much I needed to hear that, especially from her, until after she said it.  (I mumbled something about still being disappointed that I never got into a size 8 (you should probably know that my surgeon is a tall, very thin, very tan, blonde woman), but she told me how well I had done with losing AND with maintaining.)  It sort of reaffirmed and reinforced my belief that my health truly IS more important than my clothing size (and that, my belly pain notwithstanding, I am SO much healthier than I was pre-op when I had heart and blood sugar issues looming on the horizon).  I made the final decision to have this surgery (even though I hated the idea of the bypass and the vitamin absorption issues) because I was scared of the way my health was deteriorating,
NOT because of the way I looked (although I hated being so enormous).

I need to keep working on my internal messages about my body (especially my truly ugly thighs...) and about my weight.  I need to rejoice in having a very healthy 25% body fat and continue to work on letting go of the disappointment about my clothing size (I vascillate between being sad and being angry that somehow a size 10 isn't "good enough", especially since I have been overweight since puberty and was SMO the last 10 years of my life before surgery (BMI was 57)).

It was not what I was expecting to get out of my appt, but it was probably what I needed more than the lab slip...

Lora

Well done on coming out of this journey with a good head on your shoulders - I know you inspire many people here and I think most of them are grateful to have a 4 year vet to turn to with common sense and a good knowledge of what it is truly like LIVING after RNY (as opposed to being a WLS patient forever)!

This Board is lucky to have you!

Lora,
You've been maintaining for 4 years! You are such an inspiration to me. I've stopped at between a 10-12 and don't think I'll ever see anything lower, but this really is all about health. I LOVE the way I can walk so easily now, even run, bend, get up and down from the floor... Don't you just enjoy feeling your body move without all the extra pounds that use to be there? I stopped long ago reading posts about how small some people get and how they reached goal in 8 months or can't stop losing because it was depressing me that I will never get there. But when I get depressed, I try to remember the things I'm doing and are capable of doing now that I never could before. It's not about the looks, it's about living our lives! And you are, except for the belly pain.

And remember where you came from. How, when you entered a room, you looked around for a chair that could hold you before sitting. How we couldn't fit in booths at restaurants. And so many other things we couldn't do that we can do now.

You have done so incredibly well, and have learned how to maintain, and have taught me so much!

Mazel Tov to you!
Jan

Lora,

I am glad that your doctor's visit went well.  I am sure that you look great at a size 10, but understand that you had an original goal in mind.  Sometimes goals are set to be obtained and other times they act as motivaters to help us achieve our true destiny....  seems like your body is quite comfortable where it is.

I once dieted/starved myself down to a size 6 from a 26, but my body felt vibrant and healthy at a size10/11 .....  I didn't have to kill myself trying to maintain it.  I made a personal decision to listen to my body this time and not try to force it into a size that would be hard to maintain. 

Know that you are a motivating force here and sometimes we are sent things at the exact time we need them.... like your doctor was for you today.  I am glad she made you appreciate how successful you have been on this journey.  Give yourself a pat on the back for not only losing, but maintaining.

Take Care,

Evelyn

Lora, congratulations on the positive news from your doctor. It's very encouraging to hear from someone who is doing so well in maintenance, both weight- and health-wise. I've learned a lot from you and I thank you for all of your posts. Keep up the good work!

Lora,
I am so happy that you doc saw you as we all do - a great person, very successful on the RNY journey. 
We all have issues with the way some of our parts look like.  
At one time - I was even size 4 - and on outside - I like it - on inside - when my body fat dropped to 15-16% - I was dying.  Trust me - you do not want to go there.    I happily regained 10 lbs... and by accident another 10 lbs...  so what? I am much more active, happy woman.  That I am not anymore size 4? that is great.  My face looks better, my legs look better (though to me they look huge - but they are not) and overall - I can sit on a chair for an hr or 2 and not cry in pain. Even on a cushion.
There is always a trade off - one for another...

So glad you feel better about yourself.  (((HUGS)))

Thank you Lora for always sharing so much of yourself. You are truly one of the inspiring people on this site that we come to learn from. Sometimes we all need to be reminded that what we think our body should be and what it should really be don't quite jive.

I would so like to lose 5 more lbs so that I could say I've lost that "magic" number of 100 lbs. I know that I could lose it if I cut way back and exercised much more, but my body seems to be comfortable right here at 95 lbs lost. I have a large frame and am a size 12/14, and my weight puts me still on the edge of "obese". I hate that word and 7 more lbs down would bring me into the "overweight" catagory. But if I got down to the 150 lbs that the charts say I should be and have a normal BMI, I would look like crap! My head knows this, but part of me still wishes and dreams!! We can make things so hard for ourselves sometimes.

glad it was good news....

Lora, please be encouraged from the many people you have encouraged. I have been told after you loose your weight that your body will stop where it is suppossed to and comfortably should be.
I have read alot of your posts trying to absorb  everything that I can to be prepared for my up coming surgery (still no date). You have been a GREAT encouragement and have alot of knowledge which is needed and give your time unselfishly...thanks.
I guess you have to realize that you are healthier even if its not where you want to be, count your blessings, name them one by one is one of my favorite songs...and I think it can be applied to these cir****tances of yours :)

Glad your appt went well...thanks for all your help!

To me, maintaining at 4 years post op is the BIGGEST accomplishment of all.....WAY better than a certain size!  Embrace what your dr had to say......you have done so well with this surgery and having a life post surgery.

Blessings to you!!

~~Jennifer