suicide of an acquaintance who cited her weight as one of the reasons

Lora I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It's such a sad story. I know how easily it can be to become fixated on the numbers on the scale. Funny though, when my surgeon asked me what my goal weight was, I first said 150 (I am only 5'0"). Having been very close to 400 lbs, I figured 150 would be great (although my lowest weight ever was about 128 lbs back when I was in college). My surgeon however put my goal weight at 128 lbs due to my height. He said he goes by your BMI and wants his patients to reach a normal BMI... So I am now working towards the goal of 130 lbs. But lets face it, I am not in my 20's anymore and my metabolism is not very good either. My goal is to become healthy and to get rid of my comorbidites. If I reach his goal then great. But if I don't, I don't. Maybe I will feel differently about it when I am further out. Besides, I have also heard that the extra skin can also affect body image and can possibly affect clothing sizes and smaller numbers on the scale and not all WLS patients are able to get plastics. So that is also something to take into consideration when choosing a goal weight. My goal right now is just to get below 300lbs! I haven't been below 300 lbs in a decade so that is a goal in and of itself. My next goal after that will be to get below 200 as I have not seen a number that low in i can't even tell you how long that has been... Again, I am very sorry for your loss and I am glad you posted about this because I feel this is a very important message. I hope people keep bumping this post so that more and more people get to read it.

Lora, I'm so very sorry for  your loss and for your friend and her family. 
This is such an important message.  Sadly, there are pressures lurking
everywhere and sometimes the hardest negative
message to turn off is the one we play for ourselves.  Life expectations
after surgery can be unrealistically high.  The weight and numbers game
is crazy.  I'm glad I'm off that ride.  My PCP won't set a "goal" weight- said
the goal is healthy, I'm there,  and my body will find its set point.  I've
more than exceeded my goals which were to get healthy, get my
diabetes well under control, and shop in regular sizes.  All are met
and then some. I'm at a size 12 and if I never drop another pound or size
 I couldn't dream for better results.  I wish that self-happiness and
success for every one of our friends on OH.  Let's try to take care of
each other.

Lora,

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It is so sad that she couldn't be happy with all that she had accomplished.  I think weight loss can be so tricky. I know for me, at the weight I'm at now, (and am happy with it for the most part), I didn't want to be at this weight, I wanted to weight about 20lbs less. For me it was all about when I weighed this when I was in my teens, I was told I was fat and needed to loose weight, and I looked smaller then, than I do now, So it plays with your mind. I know logically that I'm not going to weigh 20lbs less, but it doesn't stop the fat girl in my head screaming about it times. I do believe I am a complete success at my WLS. I don't take BP meds, I can move easier, my feet don't hurt anymore, and so much more. I also have depression, and am in therapy. I so couldn't do this without it. I believe at least for me, that therapy was key in my success. It was a year of therapy that got me to a place emotionally and mentally to take on this life style change. What I think can be so sad, is that there are some people out there that are negative in everything, and just want people to FAIL no matter what it is. I know some people like that, and they seem to thrive on it.

I'm sorry for your loss. It seems since you received a letter that you've made a positive impact on her journey.

 Thanks for sharing Lora...that's so sad that she felt so trapped by her weight even after all her hard work. Thank you for the reminder that it's not about the number but about being able to live the life we want to live...I'll be praying for her family and friends.

I am sorry for your loss. Thanks for posting this. I suffer from depression -very bad stuff! when I first got on OH I wrote that I was a bit uncomfortable with all the focus on specific weight and clothing size stuff but then I sorta got into it myself. This was a good reminder. Luckily, I set my own weight goal. Since the average loss for RNY was about 65% of excess weight I figured that was about what I'd lose. It pains me to read posts from others who have such expectations of getting back down to what they were in their teens. I hope this lets some folks know to give themselves a break and not obsess.

I am so sorry for the lose of your friend,I can only imagine the horror she felt dealing with her weight and the depression she was going through. Weight is such a awful issue to deal with as well as depression I dont know which is worse to deal with.....I have had depression for the past 20 years I had my psy eval. the other day and I was flagged for anxiety and depression..I am still having my surgery the 26th of Sep. as long as I continue to see a counselor, this topic really scares the crap outta me cause I want this surgery I think for all the right reasons I want my health back and I know it takes losing the weight to make that happen....The looks part of it is a plus also but I have always had a man in my life since I was 14. I have been with my current husband for 20 years now and have no plans to leave him I dont want to be skinny I want to be a normal size and to be healthy I just hope I dont become obsessed about the numbers right now I just wanna be smaller than a size 16 I am a 28 right now....anything smaller than that is just a plus prayers for you and your friends family