what we tell people
I've always been of the opinion that what we tell people about having surgery (or don't tell them) is a personal matter and that should do whatever feels most comfortable for us. I still believe that. Whether it's because we don't want to hear horror stories about RNY or don't want people trying to talk us out of it or whatever it is, if telling people will cause problems for us, it's perfectly fine not to tell them.
I've seen a number of people say that what they tell people if they are asked how they are losing the weight that they are exercising and eating right, which is true. And please understand, I think it's fine to say that if want to. Your medical information is private and it's up to you if you want to share it with anyone. I am not suggesting that everyone should tell the world they had RNY if they don't want to.
But yesterday there was a post asking what teachers told their students about the surgery, if anything. And it occurred to me that if we tell kids or teenagers that we lost 100+ pounds by exercising and eating right, the kids may feel that something is wrong with them if they are overweight and unable to lose weight by dieting. And we know dieting does not work for everyone. If we told people that we had RNY and had good results, there would be less misinformation about there about the surgery. Maybe there would be less stigma. Maybe people would stop talking about how they heard of someone that died from WLS because then they would know someone that was successful with surgery.
I don't think that means everyone should tell people about their surgery if they don't want to. I just thought it was something interesting to think about.
I've seen a number of people say that what they tell people if they are asked how they are losing the weight that they are exercising and eating right, which is true. And please understand, I think it's fine to say that if want to. Your medical information is private and it's up to you if you want to share it with anyone. I am not suggesting that everyone should tell the world they had RNY if they don't want to.
But yesterday there was a post asking what teachers told their students about the surgery, if anything. And it occurred to me that if we tell kids or teenagers that we lost 100+ pounds by exercising and eating right, the kids may feel that something is wrong with them if they are overweight and unable to lose weight by dieting. And we know dieting does not work for everyone. If we told people that we had RNY and had good results, there would be less misinformation about there about the surgery. Maybe there would be less stigma. Maybe people would stop talking about how they heard of someone that died from WLS because then they would know someone that was successful with surgery.
I don't think that means everyone should tell people about their surgery if they don't want to. I just thought it was something interesting to think about.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
I totally agree with you Kelly. I never thought about the teen angle of it. Having been an overweight teen I always thought that something was wrong with me because dieting never seemed to work.
Come visit me on my blog: http://apeekintomytreehouse.com/
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
Start weight 282, Surgery weight 265, Current weight 131, Goal weight 140
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt
I am one who tells everybody I had RYN. Be it an adult or one of my kids friend. I do beleive it is a personal choice also but I have a hard time saying I am jus****ching what I eat and exercising when that is not the whole story. But I have had people start asking me about the surgery and I also do not want people having it just because I did. I tell then to come to this site and to research it. That some people have complications. I feel like sometimes people like to jump on the band wagon and do something just because someone else has done it. You cannont come into this surgery uninformed. There seems to be draw backs no matter what you tell people.
Teresa HW 267.5, SW 250, CW 140
I completely agree with Kelly.
Saying "diet and exercise" gives the impression that is ALL we did in order to lose the weight and that is not correct.
We had major abdominal surgery!
When people commented on my weight loss I always just said "thanks" and smiled. If they asked me what I was eating I told them "low carb high protein, shakes etc" If they asked how I did it. I told them I had "the surgery".
Usually if people asked how, they were overweight too. Telling them "surgery" allowed them to ask about it and I gave them information (paid it forward:-).
To me denying the surgery would be like trying to deny breast implants. If it is obvious- admit it.
I know how bad I used to feel when others had succes with dieting and I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't want others to feel that discouraged.
Pup
Saying "diet and exercise" gives the impression that is ALL we did in order to lose the weight and that is not correct.
We had major abdominal surgery!
When people commented on my weight loss I always just said "thanks" and smiled. If they asked me what I was eating I told them "low carb high protein, shakes etc" If they asked how I did it. I told them I had "the surgery".
Usually if people asked how, they were overweight too. Telling them "surgery" allowed them to ask about it and I gave them information (paid it forward:-).
To me denying the surgery would be like trying to deny breast implants. If it is obvious- admit it.
I know how bad I used to feel when others had succes with dieting and I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't want others to feel that discouraged.
Pup
No surgery has been harmed/defamed by the writer of this post.
RNY 10/28/03 305# 8/11/04 147# 9 years out and >75% EWL!
I made a conscious choice to be very open about my surgery, in part because of watching what happened with Star Jones a few years ago. She suddenly dropped a bunch of weight and outright denied having had surgery when she was asked. Of course, her story is her story, but the implication that surgery was something to be hidden and ashamed of really bothered me.
Then again, by being completely up-front with my 10-year-old twin daughters, I pretty much guaranteed that the whole world would know. LOL!
Kelly, you make an excellent point about how kids/teens will perceive it. Very little breaks my heart more than watching overweight and obese children and teens struggle with their weight. If we keep things as open as possible, maybe we *can* make a difference in how the whole obesity epidemic is addressed in this country.
Then again, by being completely up-front with my 10-year-old twin daughters, I pretty much guaranteed that the whole world would know. LOL!
Kelly, you make an excellent point about how kids/teens will perceive it. Very little breaks my heart more than watching overweight and obese children and teens struggle with their weight. If we keep things as open as possible, maybe we *can* make a difference in how the whole obesity epidemic is addressed in this country.
Margaret HW: 342 SW: 320 CW: 228 GW: 175
3 
3 
Hello,
You have definetly made some good points here,however I still choose not to tell many people about my rny.The reason being this is a second surgery for me,and after feeling like a failure with the lapband and constantly being questioned on my weight,fills,why I wasn't losing.I decided to only tell family and close freinds this time.Even my close freind constantly questions me and can't call me without asking how much I lost this week,why I stalled,what im eating etc..If you don't mind that questioning by all means tell whoever,but I think if you choose to tell you will need to expect this.It's almost always the topic and Im so sick of it.People that don't know that ask me how i lost weight,I just tell them high protien low carbs and thats most of the time enough for them.I do however remind my 13 year old that I went thru alot and don't want him to have to go thru this,so thats why we all eat different now.
You have definetly made some good points here,however I still choose not to tell many people about my rny.The reason being this is a second surgery for me,and after feeling like a failure with the lapband and constantly being questioned on my weight,fills,why I wasn't losing.I decided to only tell family and close freinds this time.Even my close freind constantly questions me and can't call me without asking how much I lost this week,why I stalled,what im eating etc..If you don't mind that questioning by all means tell whoever,but I think if you choose to tell you will need to expect this.It's almost always the topic and Im so sick of it.People that don't know that ask me how i lost weight,I just tell them high protien low carbs and thats most of the time enough for them.I do however remind my 13 year old that I went thru alot and don't want him to have to go thru this,so thats why we all eat different now.
Wow!
I'm sorry that your friends and family treat you that way. I would suggest telling your friend that it is upsetting to you when they question you on your weight loss. Tell them you will share pertinent milestones or when you meet your goals (or whatever you WANT to share) but you would prefer that they not quiz you everytime you see them. Tell them you put too much pressure on yourself already and them asking is making it worse.
If my friends did that it would drive me crazy (and make me feel like a failure if I didn't lose) I am sorry.
You'd better talk to your friend.
Pup
I'm sorry that your friends and family treat you that way. I would suggest telling your friend that it is upsetting to you when they question you on your weight loss. Tell them you will share pertinent milestones or when you meet your goals (or whatever you WANT to share) but you would prefer that they not quiz you everytime you see them. Tell them you put too much pressure on yourself already and them asking is making it worse.
If my friends did that it would drive me crazy (and make me feel like a failure if I didn't lose) I am sorry.
You'd better talk to your friend.
Pup
No surgery has been harmed/defamed by the writer of this post.
RNY 10/28/03 305# 8/11/04 147# 9 years out and >75% EWL!
Even though Ive made it obvious I don't want to discuss it,he is one of those people obssesed with knowing every detail.My husband told him about my surgery and I was pissed, because I knew this would happen with him.He does trully care and let's me know I look good, but I hate being intergogated like that.My mom is very supportive and if she sees I dont want to discuss it she does drop it.I'm also grateful she was here to help after my surgery.I know everyone is different but I just am very careful who I tell this time.Thanks for the great advice and I do think I will be using it.
At first I didn't think I was going to be open about my surgery. It was embarrassing for me to almost admit defeat of myself and controlling my eating.
Then after the surgery I didn't feel that way. Something changed with in me and now I want to shout it from the roof tops so every one knows.
I have been open with my kids from the start. My oldest 2 are 12 and 9. Since surgery I have been trying to steer them to better eating, showing them portion control and label reading. Things I didn't learn about until my weight was already increasing.
I have a co-worker who had the sleeve done 3 months after I had my RNY and she doesn't eat with her family (2 kids) because she doesn't want them asking questions. That I don't get, but everyone is different.
Sarah
Then after the surgery I didn't feel that way. Something changed with in me and now I want to shout it from the roof tops so every one knows.
I have been open with my kids from the start. My oldest 2 are 12 and 9. Since surgery I have been trying to steer them to better eating, showing them portion control and label reading. Things I didn't learn about until my weight was already increasing.
I have a co-worker who had the sleeve done 3 months after I had my RNY and she doesn't eat with her family (2 kids) because she doesn't want them asking questions. That I don't get, but everyone is different.
Sarah
But don't the kids ask questions about why she never eats with them now? It just seems to me that never eating with them would cause them to ask questions, not prevent them from asking stuff.
Kelly
Please note: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. If you want medical advice, talk to your doctor. Whatever I post, there is probably some surgeon or other health care provider somewhere that disagrees with me. If you want to know what your surgeon thinks, then ask him or her. Check out my blog.
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