Let's have an "air it out" session...

Oh, and I have had alcohol. On three occasions. And (are you ready) I didn't get drunk, or woozy, or anything. It didn't affect me in any form or fashion any differently than it did pre-surgery. I had three drinks, and I am assuming I am going to be the same as I was pre-surgery - a tank - and it takes 6 or more to get a buzz. And no, I won't be having six or more, and probably won't waste anymore calories on alcohol at all until I get this last 25 lbs off, but there it is.

I have my 2 year appt next week and don't want to go because I dislike my dietician and I've gained about 15 pounds since Christmas. I haven't seen her since my 1 year appointment, so she doesn't even need to know about the gain if I choose not to tell her, but I will.

Yes, I said I've gained about 15 pounds and my school pants are all tight and I refuse to go up a size. I'm miserable about the clothes situation

OKay, here's the big confession: I've been smoking. My quit date is Monday because I refuse to go to the doctor and lie about smoking, but I don't want to tell him either. I know it's going to be hard to quit as I've tried many times, but I also will not go into the school year as a smoker. I know all about increased risk of ulcers, etc.

School starts next week and I'm nervous. About everything.

 Don't be too hard on yourself for the 15 lbs. Look in the big grand scheme of things and try to focus on that. Also with that and smoking you know that you want to change that and that is a big step. Quitting smoking is so hard but you can do it.

I have been tottaly PIGGING out this week, knowing that I have to start my liquid diet on Sunday.  I feel like crap for doing it too!

I am pre-op so this may not count LOL
I have done really well watching what I eat. No "last meal" syndrome for me. Then yesterday I lost my mind. I still wasn't thinking in terms of "last meals", I'm not sure I was thinking at all.
My NUT wants me to "eat" within 20minutes of waking up. Usually I do a protein shake but I was in a hurry yesterday and running way late and exhausted after 3 hours sleep. SO I didn't eat until after 1pm (was up at 6). I had 2 hot dogs. I was not too hard on myself because I picked off most of the bun.

Then I get to work and one of my "saboteurs" (sp?) comes and asks me should we have carrot cake, chocolate overload brownie cake, or cookies n' cream cake for the staff meeting. I told her I didn't care, I wasn't eating cake (my weakness). She kept on and on about I could at least help make the decision. I ignored her.
We had pizza and cake and a fruit bowl. I had a couple of chunks of watermelon. Then another saboteur started giving me the guilt trip because my boss ordered veggie pizza thinking it was something that I could have. I let her win. But I only at the topping.

Before I left I also had a piece of cheesecake from a different meeting.

Hope I do better food choices after surgery *sigh*
(sorry so long)

I've been eating some things that are on the next stage. I justify it because other people's plans have been allowing these foods since hospital discharge. I'm having such a hard time with meat so I've been eating beans which are not allowed for me for a couple more weeks. The only part I am really feeling bad about is that the girl who had surgery right after me and was my roommate in the hospital texted me today and told me she is down 61 pounds! Im at 42! I felt good about my weight loss until I heard that! I know she started off a lot heavier and maybe thats why she lost the weight, but there is a part of me that is punishing myself and shaming myself about the damn beans. My self talk is: How could you be blowing it like this? You are just never going to learn are you?

I am also not measuring my food. I know I should but its tough when you fix a portion of something and then only eat a couple bites before being full! I mean how much of that portion was eaten? How do you know how much it weighed! I hear everyone else talking about their journaling and measuring and feel like a failure yet its just far too organized for me. Does that mean I am going to fail?

Good news is that I love water aerobics! I have been going 4-5 times a week and for the first time in my adult life I have arm muscles that you can see and feel! After aerobics I have started swimming laps! Never thought in a million years I would ever enjoy any form of physical activity! LOL

I love water aerobics. It was the first exercise I could do. I did it when I weighed 378 pounds!

Do you still do water aerobics? Do you think it is still an effective form of exercise for you now that you are smaller? I have finally found something I actually enjoy but I have heard that it won't be enough when I lose more weight :(

No I don't do it because I don't belong to that gym anymore.
I think that movement is good. Movement you like is best. I did find as I got smaller that I could do different kinds of movement. For my 100 pound loss, my twin bought me a bike. I never could have imagined how much I would like riding a bike again.
I swim laps, swim with the boy, walk, ride the bike, dance about the house, play kinnect..I just move.
Enjoy your water aerobics!

I am struggling with being attracted to my husband.  He is over weight, but not obese like I was.  My guilt comes in that he loved me at my huge weight of 320 lbs and he loves me now 110 lbs less.  But I on the other hand am not feeling it with him.  How can I feel like this?

I ate taco dip for snack today.  Granted it was made with low fat items and I only had about 3 T of it on 2 small chips, wasn't a great choice, but it tasted good.

I weigh myself twice a day.  Not really to see if I have lost anything, but to look at the numbers on the scale that I haven't seen in 20 years.  Makes me happy to see 212 lbs.  Doesn't make me mad I haven't lost in 3 weeks due to being on the Nuva Ring for birth control.  Next week when I remove it, I will drop 8-10 lbs like the past 3 months. 

Sarah