Let's have an "air it out" session...

I am having the same issue with my sales guy. I'd truly like to staple his ears to his head, or something. He's loud, obnoxious, and thinks he's Gods gift to women, and has no concept of personal space.

I just have to hang on until 11:30, because he's leaving for a sales call and most likely won't be bac****il after I am gone for the day.

Yall already know my 'air it out" gripes.

1. I absolutely HATE being this thin/boney/skinny. The fact that you can see my sternum, shoulder blades, clavicles, count my ribs, see my pelvic bones DISGUSTS me. Luckily me eating ALL i can possibly assume (although mainly mushy/purees since that's what pouch LOVES) Im FINALLY seeing some jiggle in my lower 1/2. My ass doesnt look so deflated ballooney Although the number on the scale is still at 123

2. My daughter is having to transfer school up to a local campus due to my money woes. Luckily she has an interview with the same school just the DC area campus and they mentioned she can apply as an independent student and continue on and the other school will still be in MY name meaning I pay and it wouldnt affect her.

3. As opposed to plastics I am.. my breasts look HORRENDOUS. I can do with my arms/thighs and even my droppy ass BUT my breasts are crazy.. look like flat old fashioned douche bags.

4. BF and I have an oil/vinegar type of love. When we're good we're like awesome... but when we're not good... it's almost like ready to kill him for some of the **** he says out his mouth. We're getting ready to move in together within the next week or 2 though LOL...

Hmmmm Nik, your situation would confuse me too.  Have you done any individual counselling?  I went after my divorce and it was very helpful..... just good to bounce things off a neutral person. 

My issues:

#1 - DH was told that he has to lose weight, cholesterol & bp are not good and he will have to start medications.  Damn, I find it so hard to keep my mouth shut.  He's a grown man, I will not lecture him -- or even make suggestions -- I do remember being in that situation not so long ago.  I know he needs to work it out on his own.....  but I need duck tape.

#2 - Vanity sizing, clothing in general, shopping is still too overwhelming.  I could seriously use some style help. 

I heart my therapist. I had one that I started out with and another now.

At this point I think I am just irked because I don't think it's too unreasonable to ask to DATE someone before committing to them. He has been resistant to that. He wants me to want to marry him. He did a year ago and he does now. I want to go out for walks, talk, get to know you better.

But then I'm all effed up. I admit that. My therapist, after hearing my childhood stories, says she can't half blame me BUT that it's on me to decide what I want. One thing she said that was profound. She said, "have you ever considered that you simply want to WANT to be married, but you don't want to be married? And further have you ever considered that it's OKAY not to want to be married?"

Messed my whole world up. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that. But I guess in a way I want to have my cake and eat it too. I know that if I don't want to be married this particular person will move on and he's a good guy. So in a way I'm stringing him along and that is bad. I need to stop that.

hmm... Any guy, any person, who is so desperate to get married would raise up a red flag. Way up.   I dated guys like that.   And run the other direction as soon as I realized that.
If you decide to be with him, the relationship most likely is going to be all about him, and his needs. IMO. 
Being with someone - wanting to be with someone is natural. Forcing the relationship before you are ready - not cool. 
I met my current BF 6 months before we actually got together.   I liked him, but I was not sure he was right for me.  I was not sure he liked me.   But - it took me 6 months to show him that I might be interested in him.  After that - we got together... and after a few walks and talks.... I was hooked... I knew I wanted to be with him.  100%.   Before that - I dated a few guys, and most of them wanted me to "be exclusive".  But they were not the right guys. 

When you meet someone that you really want to be with - you will know.  I think you will.  It would be the whole package.   Don't settle.  (I do not think you could anyway)
 

1. I weigh every single day and I'm much too hard on myself.
2. I'm not getting in 60 g of protein on some days. (Aghhhh!) 
3. I had Funyuns the other day! 

 1. The only reason I got to the 100 lbs mark was because of my kidney stone. I did't eat and my body went into starvation mode which I know is not good but I'm still happy to have lost 100 lbs. Even though I didn't eat or drink protein.

2. No weight amount I lose is good enough. I still feel bad no matter what I weigh and I always feel like it isn't enough even though I have lost over 100 lbs. Whenever I hit a mini goal I just get hard on my self about meeting the next goal. I don't praise myself for meeting the mini goals. So I'm never good enough.

3. I weigh myself every single time I am in the bathroom. I go out of my way to take off all my clothes when I get in the bathroom so I am as light as possible. Sometimes I get on the scale 10 times during one time to see if the scale goes up an oz or not.

4. I am having a wendys cheeseburger for breakfast.

Kattie, folks think I am just talking out the side of my face when I post these long messages about self-acceptance, but that is so important. Because being big isn’t what was bothering you about you. It was a symptom. Once the weight is gone it becomes something else and something else. I speak from experience. As you get smaller, take note of the things that come up in your emotions. What resentments form? Toward whom? What new behaviors do you take on? Do you like them? Are they healthy?

These are all steps to get at the proverbial, “what’s eating you?" question. You’ll get there. It’s not an easy road but you’ll get there. Hugs.

 

And for what it’s worth, I find you to be extremely resilient and persistent. If I’d been through all you have, I can’t say I’d have any other attitude other than “eff it." The fact that you continue to try, continue to care, continue to work, inspires me very much.

 Aw thanks Nik. Those are very helpful words.

I think a lot of us as overweight people think all of our problems will go away once we aren't overweight anymore but it has been ingrained in us for so long that you are right. It really isn't about the weight. There is something more behind it. I wi**** was a quick fix.

I DEFINITELY can relate to NUMBER 1.  I KNOW that's how I lost this 140ish SOOO quick was due to kidney stones and NOT eating... as well as my bulimia somewhat. 


5.  I DO NOT do protein shakes.... if it isnt in my foods I eat, then I dont get it.