Let's have an "air it out" session...
Background for new folks: Air it out sessions are what some MIGHT call confession threads. I don't. Confession implies sin, sin implies a breaking of the rules, breaking of the rules implies we are following a diet (as opposed to changing our lifestyles). Instead, I like to think of it like this: sometimes we do things that we don't feel so good about. We learn from them so they are a valuable part of our process, but still, we need to release the negative emotions and move forward so we...
AIR IT OUT!!!
It can be any old thing you want to air out: less than stellar food decisions, slacking off on exercise, a fight with your hubby/wife/sister/brother, something snarky you said or did or just a general feeling of discontentment with your life and/or WLS process.
Whatever it is that's bugging you, air it out here!
I am not usually a rules person, but there are a few rules to air it out:
1. This is a safe space. No attacking others for what they say here.
2. HOWEVER, if you are OPEN to feedback (via whatever method a poster might feel compelled to give it), you are certainly welcome to say so and folks can weigh in.
3. No problem is stupid or insignificant. If it bothers you, IT MATTERS!
There ya go. Air it out people. Let's get the negative energy diffused so we can go back to being our fabulous selves.
AIR IT OUT!!!
It can be any old thing you want to air out: less than stellar food decisions, slacking off on exercise, a fight with your hubby/wife/sister/brother, something snarky you said or did or just a general feeling of discontentment with your life and/or WLS process.
Whatever it is that's bugging you, air it out here!
I am not usually a rules person, but there are a few rules to air it out:
1. This is a safe space. No attacking others for what they say here.
2. HOWEVER, if you are OPEN to feedback (via whatever method a poster might feel compelled to give it), you are certainly welcome to say so and folks can weigh in.
3. No problem is stupid or insignificant. If it bothers you, IT MATTERS!
There ya go. Air it out people. Let's get the negative energy diffused so we can go back to being our fabulous selves.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
Ok, I'll go.
I'm sorta kinda but not really dating the most frustrating guy!!!
I'll try to keep the story short, I promise.
We met like...I dunno...15 or 16 years ago and dated. Then we stopped dating when I met and fell in love with babydaddy (we were over before I met him). So a year ago we saw each other again. We've talked and whatnot. I was very clear from the get go that I want to take things slow. I don't want to jump into a commitment with anyone but I'm not closed minded to that happening.
Well...in the last year he's gone from being someone I ran into to nearly a full fledged bug-a-boo (albeit a sweet one). Problem is he wants the full monty. Dude wants to meet someone and get married. I told him early on if that's a short term goal he might want to look elsewhere. While I'm not opposed to marriage, I've been exposed to some pretty effed up ones in my life and I'd have to get over my attitude about marriage before I could, in good faith, enter into one myself.
He is holding on to hope, though, I'll give him that. But despite the fact that I won't do the girlfriend thing (I told him I wanted to be friends first. He doesn't seem to want to go through that step and I don't want to commit UNTIL I go through that step), he continues to behave as if we're in a relationship, which makes me feel bad for him because I honestly am still figuring my new self out and need some time to sit with me before I sit with him.
So my gut is saying to cut him loose but there's this nagging part of me that thinks this is what I do. I find reasons to cut perfectly good guys off and I stay single. So I'm trying to decipher if I'm really making the right decision or if I'm running from something. And all of this thinking makes my head hurt!
I do know, and this is NOT a great sign, that this guy does not mute out all the other beautiful men in the world. When I see a handsome guy or someone who looks cool in my mind I still want to get to know said person better. I don't go, "oh, no, I have HIM at home. I don't need anything else!" Again, this could be my "player-ette" ways and not necessarily a sign of anything wrong with me and him.
So I'm airing that out. I need to **** or get off the pot. Because I could very well be standing in the path of him getting to the relationship he wants and I sincerely don't want to do that.
I'm sorta kinda but not really dating the most frustrating guy!!!
I'll try to keep the story short, I promise.
We met like...I dunno...15 or 16 years ago and dated. Then we stopped dating when I met and fell in love with babydaddy (we were over before I met him). So a year ago we saw each other again. We've talked and whatnot. I was very clear from the get go that I want to take things slow. I don't want to jump into a commitment with anyone but I'm not closed minded to that happening.
Well...in the last year he's gone from being someone I ran into to nearly a full fledged bug-a-boo (albeit a sweet one). Problem is he wants the full monty. Dude wants to meet someone and get married. I told him early on if that's a short term goal he might want to look elsewhere. While I'm not opposed to marriage, I've been exposed to some pretty effed up ones in my life and I'd have to get over my attitude about marriage before I could, in good faith, enter into one myself.
He is holding on to hope, though, I'll give him that. But despite the fact that I won't do the girlfriend thing (I told him I wanted to be friends first. He doesn't seem to want to go through that step and I don't want to commit UNTIL I go through that step), he continues to behave as if we're in a relationship, which makes me feel bad for him because I honestly am still figuring my new self out and need some time to sit with me before I sit with him.
So my gut is saying to cut him loose but there's this nagging part of me that thinks this is what I do. I find reasons to cut perfectly good guys off and I stay single. So I'm trying to decipher if I'm really making the right decision or if I'm running from something. And all of this thinking makes my head hurt!
I do know, and this is NOT a great sign, that this guy does not mute out all the other beautiful men in the world. When I see a handsome guy or someone who looks cool in my mind I still want to get to know said person better. I don't go, "oh, no, I have HIM at home. I don't need anything else!" Again, this could be my "player-ette" ways and not necessarily a sign of anything wrong with me and him.
So I'm airing that out. I need to **** or get off the pot. Because I could very well be standing in the path of him getting to the relationship he wants and I sincerely don't want to do that.
Why do we always have to figure something out ... put it into a category???? I say as long as you are honest with him and keep all your cards on the table ... live life as you want it to be. Either he can hang with it or not. I truly am not saying this from a nasty or negative place, we simply have choices these days. We don't have to compartmentalize ...
Girl ... enjoy you! Make sure you stay in that "peaceful" place ...
Girl ... enjoy you! Make sure you stay in that "peaceful" place ...
jameen (take a minute to smile ...)
Oh yeah, I agree. I'm doing me! The problem is that he just doesn't seem to have the ability to accept that so every conversation is about how miserable he is because *I* can't make a decision to commit and what he wants from a relationship and what he wishes he had.
That brings me to something else. I'm, for the very first time in my whole entire life, pretty darn ok with me. I'm ok with how life is going. Things are far from perfect but I feel good in my own skin. I think this makes me hyper aware of all the people in my life who are not. And there are many. I try not to get irritated with that. I only do get openly irritated when folks try to steal MY sunshine because they haven't found theirs. It's ok if you've not found any measure of inner peace but don't try to wreck mine to make yourself feel better!
That brings me to something else. I'm, for the very first time in my whole entire life, pretty darn ok with me. I'm ok with how life is going. Things are far from perfect but I feel good in my own skin. I think this makes me hyper aware of all the people in my life who are not. And there are many. I try not to get irritated with that. I only do get openly irritated when folks try to steal MY sunshine because they haven't found theirs. It's ok if you've not found any measure of inner peace but don't try to wreck mine to make yourself feel better!
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
I agree with Tori ... I think you need to walk away from him. If he can't accept your decision right now, then he can't accept you.
Life is to be lived happily, joyfully, and peacefully. If you can't add to that in my life ... you need to (as they say) ... get to steppin'!
Life is to be lived happily, joyfully, and peacefully. If you can't add to that in my life ... you need to (as they say) ... get to steppin'!
jameen (take a minute to smile ...)
Honey, from my wide and varied experience, I can tell you that if he is the one, there
would be absolutely NO question in your mind. Nor would you be enjoying other beautiful
guys except as a platonic appreciation of a beautiful guy. He would be the only one on
your mind and in your heart. Been there, done that.
You're honest with him, and that is good. Just don't settle down with the guy only because
he wants you to. It will lead to regret and years of pain for both of you.
Been there, done that, too.
People are all pretty f****d up, as you've noted. The fact that you are coming to a good
placein your own life doesn't mean that others have.
If this man doesn't do anything except grumble about how he is so miserable, I think I'd
find that pretty boring really soon. If he's that miserable, tell him to go find the woman
who will be the homemaker and constant companion he obviously wants, because
YOU aren't her.
Sometimes it's just easier to be honest.
Good luck!
would be absolutely NO question in your mind. Nor would you be enjoying other beautiful
guys except as a platonic appreciation of a beautiful guy. He would be the only one on
your mind and in your heart. Been there, done that.
You're honest with him, and that is good. Just don't settle down with the guy only because
he wants you to. It will lead to regret and years of pain for both of you.
Been there, done that, too.
People are all pretty f****d up, as you've noted. The fact that you are coming to a good
placein your own life doesn't mean that others have.
If this man doesn't do anything except grumble about how he is so miserable, I think I'd
find that pretty boring really soon. If he's that miserable, tell him to go find the woman
who will be the homemaker and constant companion he obviously wants, because
YOU aren't her.
Sometimes it's just easier to be honest.
Good luck!
Man oh man, that's a hard one! Kudos to you for thinking of him, for being concerned about potentially holding him back... that tells me you DO care about him. That's a good thing... but you are a person who cares about people, it's who you are. So the fact that you care about him doesn't mean he's the one you want to hold on to.
My gut feeling is that if you can think about this situation so logically and seemingly without emotion, he's not the one for you. Regardless of your past "player-ette" ways, if you don't have that deep down emotional pull towards him (ESPECIALLY since he's a good guy), then there's something missing. You've got to have that...
If I was always looking at other dudes even though I had another guy in hand (and not just appreciating the package, but wishing I could get to know them), I know there's an issue. You can think through this all you want, but if you don't really FEEL it (especially now, when you still in the early stages and haven't committed), then it's not the right situation for you. Either you aren't ready for that stage, or he's not the right guy to make you want to move to the other stage.
Just my humble opinion...
tori
My gut feeling is that if you can think about this situation so logically and seemingly without emotion, he's not the one for you. Regardless of your past "player-ette" ways, if you don't have that deep down emotional pull towards him (ESPECIALLY since he's a good guy), then there's something missing. You've got to have that...
If I was always looking at other dudes even though I had another guy in hand (and not just appreciating the package, but wishing I could get to know them), I know there's an issue. You can think through this all you want, but if you don't really FEEL it (especially now, when you still in the early stages and haven't committed), then it's not the right situation for you. Either you aren't ready for that stage, or he's not the right guy to make you want to move to the other stage.
Just my humble opinion...
tori
Whoa. That was pretty profound. And 100% the truth!
Yeah, I always sort of suspect my motives where romantic relationships are involved. I'm not naturally inclined toward commitment. I do, however, look at happy, healthy couples I see and wonder why I haven't gotten to that point.
The blessing in this whole thing is that I have some good direction on where my self work needs to go. I need to figure that part of me out. Not just so I can be in a relationship but so that I can OWN me. If I'm not the settling down type then fine. I can own that and move forward. But it's all this wishy-washy "I don't know"-ness that bugs the crap out of me.
Oh, my therapist is going to hear it this week...
Yeah, I always sort of suspect my motives where romantic relationships are involved. I'm not naturally inclined toward commitment. I do, however, look at happy, healthy couples I see and wonder why I haven't gotten to that point.
The blessing in this whole thing is that I have some good direction on where my self work needs to go. I need to figure that part of me out. Not just so I can be in a relationship but so that I can OWN me. If I'm not the settling down type then fine. I can own that and move forward. But it's all this wishy-washy "I don't know"-ness that bugs the crap out of me.
Oh, my therapist is going to hear it this week...
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
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