Multiple Dr appts made, but need cheering up... jokes? uplifting stuff?
LOL. Thanks for the chuckles. Between these and the percocet, I feel much better right now. Will probably have to come back to them once the percocet wears off, though. Off for a nap...
Lora
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Just got these from a friend so thought I would share for the laughs...
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| HOW TO START A FIGHT One year , I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started..... ________________________________ My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'' No, she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, " Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started ..... _______________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion , and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him ?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend . I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God !" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started ... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass , busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors . I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass , you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. ______________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch , and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour . The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage , turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation , and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible ." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... _______________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary . She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ______________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me ' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror . She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ ________________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy !' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started. |
"When you know better, you do better." ~Maya Angelou~
BW 334.4 / CW: 227 / GW 180
On August 2, 2011 at 7:55 AM Pacific Time, ****rogirl wrote:
My belly hurts just as bad today as it did yesterday, so I am home (without pay) again today. I am seeing my PCP at 11:15 to see if there is a surgeon he can recommend who might be willing to see me quickly. I made an appt for 10:45 tomorrow (will take an early lunch from work, I guess) to see the surgeon who bailed on me yesterday to ask him WTH happened.Between the situations with BOTH my jobs (both are in danger of ending soon, and I hate the full-time one (IT) because I do not have the proper accounting background so I feel completely incompetent, but I need the money since I am single), my therapist retiring in a few weeks, this pain (and feeling like it doesn't matter to anyone that can help with it), trying to figure out the best way to come up with the money for the other half of my house siding replacement, cocnern about the economy (especially bad here), my continuing PTSD, taking a temporary break from working on my dissertation, etc... I need some serious cheering up.
Anybody got any good jokes? Anybody have something you find particularly uplifting when things seem overwhelming, hopeless, etc.? Anybody know a doctor willing to put me on STD for a couple of weeks...?!?
Lora
........Oh and of course as a fellow gastric bypass patient, excuse me cause I just FARTED....................again!
........................lol.......hope you feel better soon....but seriously I just FARTED, again..............it smells bad as ususal
......................and my DH and kids have to deal with it
HW/293....SW/276....PSW/168....CW/148...GW/150
BirthdayGirl, you wanna start a club with me??? The Toxic Gastric Bypass Mammas!!! My gas could clear out an entire city. 
Michelle 
(OH member since 2004 - new user name)
HW 285 / SW 270 / GW 140 / LW 135 / CW 185
RNY 6/8/2009 
Starting size 26/28, now size 12/14
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." -Hebrews 13:8
On August 2, 2011 at 5:26 PM Pacific Time, SweetGirl11 wrote:
BirthdayGirl, you wanna start a club with me??? The Toxic Gastric Bypass Mammas!!! My gas could clear out an entire city. 
I declare that was another side effect no one warned me about pre-op but actually for me and my household when my DH and 10 kids come at me hard, it is quite good payback I shall say
well, and of course I act like I don't smell it, so I did not deal it right?.......
HW/293....SW/276....PSW/168....CW/148...GW/150
ToBeAble
on 8/2/11 10:39 am
on 8/2/11 10:39 am
Hi Lora,
I hope the jokes folks have posted help make this difficult time a bit easier for you, and that one of these docs steps up to help out really soon.
I feel like there SHOULD be some kind of joke about:
"A WLS post-op walks into a bar..."
but I haven't figured out a punchline yet, except I'm reminded of the shot glasses of protein shakes and water that I had to drink every 15 minutes during those first three weeks.
Best wishes for some good news coming your way soon,
Laura
I hope the jokes folks have posted help make this difficult time a bit easier for you, and that one of these docs steps up to help out really soon.
I feel like there SHOULD be some kind of joke about:
"A WLS post-op walks into a bar..."
but I haven't figured out a punchline yet, except I'm reminded of the shot glasses of protein shakes and water that I had to drink every 15 minutes during those first three weeks.
Best wishes for some good news coming your way soon,
Laura
RNY 7/30/10 SW 302/CW ~150/First Goal 155 (reached 9/2011)
Extended TT & Medial Thigh Lift 7/16/12. Arms, Butt Lift 2/6/13.
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