OT...but please please help me I need advice, im crumbling

The thing is I am certain he wants to be with me because he loves me not beacuse ive helped him with bills in the past but because he loves me I know he is sincere in his apologies

thats what makes this so hard

 I am so sorry.  Has he ever worked?  If he did how was he with his money?  Was he generous with you or did he keep it to himself?
I have seen this so many times and even done it.  It's like you want a guy to be dependent on you so you know he won't leave you.  I was so insecure that I had nothing to offer that I overcompensated by paying for everything and doing everything so he would love me and not leave.  Then I could be the martyr and whine about how unappreciated I am and how much I do for him.  I got to be the victim and the caretaker.  And what did I get for my efforts?  He left me for someone that had more to offer him financially.  While I was pregnant.  He was for sale to the highest bidder and I got outbid.
In your heart you know that while he may love you he needs your more.  That is why you are saying that you are worried about what he will do without you.  You are so needed that he can't survive without you.  That makes you feel good and bad at the same time.
Hopefully, after you end the relationship, or he ends it, you will be able to be by yourself for a while and get to know you.  Go on dates and let the guy spoil you and treat you nice and know you deserve it.  

I hope your future gets better and you find a husband of your own that is worthy of you.  Excuses are like a-holes everyone has one.  Move on with your life and make decisions that you will actually enjoy :)  I am not judging ,but the truth is the light. Just my two cents

I'm going to be the stern one because I have been thru something similar (mine wasn't married, that's about the only difference). 


RUN AWAY!   FAR AND FAST!!!


1:  You need to forget about him being crushed, what he'll do for $$, etc.   You need to worry about you.    Because

2:   He's been with you because you pay for everything.    Believe me, I know..you think "Well we're together and are going to be together.  We love each other and I know he'd help me out with $$ if the roles were reversed, so I'll help him.  That's what couples do."     Yeah, if you were a a normal couple that would be the case, but he's been content to live with you, mooch off you,  make promises he won't keep, not get divorced and all that other good stuff.    Because it's easy and he doesnt' really have to do anything.    I'm going to guess that he has $$ for the stuff he really wants but when it comes to joint expenses he's suddenly 'broke" or can't because he has to pay child support or one of one hundred other excuses.  

3:  He will find somone else almost immediately to fill the role you have been playing.    Seriously, get prepared for this because it will happen.   It happened with you, you moved in together after only 5 months, he will do the same thing again.   

4:  Do not give him more time to fulfill his promises, he's had 7 years of chances and he hasn't done it.   If anything, he'll change just enough to suck you back in and then things will go right back to the way they were.     At this point, he's got you right where he wants you...worried about him and what he'll do.  

I know how much this sucks, it's awful.    Not only are you losing someone you care about but once you come to terms with the fact that he's been using you, you feel like the most stupid person on the planet that you didn't see it sooner.      Take a breath, stay calm and start planning YOUR future.   You obviously have a lot to give someone, now is the time to set some new priorities and make yourself happy!!!!!  (I know, that is easier said that done!)

It is hard to say based on a short post, especially with only one side presented, and I'm no professional, but I suspect this could be a really toxic relationship, maybe even codependent.  I think you should seek some personal therapy; a therapist can do more to figure out what's happening on both sides and help you work through to a healthy perspective on what to do in order to serve what's right for both of you.  And if he cares enough to be worth it, then he should be willing to do some couples therapy with you, too.

Recently I was in a relationship that sounds somewhat like this one; the guy was using me and I gave and gave and gave and gave and gave and all it did was drain me to the point where I became clinically depressed and stopped functioning; I nearly lost my job.  He kept making promises and going all sweet whenever I called him on being a jerk, just because he wanted things, but he didn't carry through  the promises or the sweetness and, though I still believe he sort of cared about me, I learned it was mostly HIM he cared about-- he cared about having the things I was doing for him a lot more than he cared about my feelings and what was good for me.

At first  I would have defended him to the death and sworn he was a prince, but I learned that when you are so awfully miserable in a relationship, that's definitely an urgent message that you're only making excuses for him when you say that he cares enough to be worth it or that he's going to change.  It might be that you're making excuses for him because you are afraid to move on, or you're only staying because he's giving you guilt.  None of those kinds of relationships are healthy enough to stay in!

Therapy helped me realize how badly my toxic relationship was damaging my self-esteem and subverting my life to make it all about his needs and his priorities.  It also helped me learn that I was enabling negative patterns in his life and that it was best for both of us if I cut things off-- completely, as someone above me has suggested to you.  So I did, and it was HARD and MISERABLE for a while-- but at this point three years later, I am SO MUCH HAPPIER and I am THRILLED I did it.  I wouldn't take him back if you paid me a million dollars!!!!!

This stuff may or may not be true for you, but a really good way to find out what IS true in your case is to get professional help to enable you to look at it in an objective and healthy way, and make good choices about what to do.  And the couples therapy would help him learn to treat you better, I think, in a similar way, if he's one of those rare ones who's actually willing to do the changes he's only promising right now.

GOOD LUCK and HUGS!

It does not matter what he SAYS. What matters is what he DOES.
What he says does not match what he does.
Leaving him will be the hardest thing you have ever done.
But, like WLS, you have to do it to live.
When you tell your landlord in writing that you are not renewing, also put in there who is to get the security deposit. Otherwise it might come as one check made out to you both. Or you might never see it. A heads up now would be appreciated. Nothing says you have to wait until 30 days before to give notice.
Protect yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. Listen to the women who have seen this because it happened to them. They felt the same way you do now.